Compromising with partner on holiday

[Growingmyhairout]

We're currently on holiday together which is great, our first longer holiday together.
Back home my partner is very sociable, likes having a few beers and being out until the early hours.
I don't drink at all, and I like being in bed early, maybe that makes me boring but hey ho.
I'm not saying I need to be in bed by 9pm but i go by half midnight latest.
It doesn't affect us at all back home as he goes out late with friends but on holiday it's a different story I guess.
We're on a city break, my partner also wants to be up and out for 8am and spending the entire days walking round the city, as do I.
We have been staying out until midnight in bars etc so far. Which I think is reasonable.
The first day we were jet lagged and had had hardly any sleep and I felt like death going round the city.
My partner would happily be out until 2/3am then up at 8, and would spend the entire day out until 2am again.
I just can't do this. If I'm going to be out walking all day I need a decent sleep at a reasonable time.
I just think that it's also a holiday from work, not an endurance test. I don't want to return home feeling shattered and needing another holiday.
However I don't want to spoil his fun. I told him I needed adequate sleep at a reasonable time and he understood, but told me he could have stayed out longer.
I went on a city break with a former friend about 5 years ago. It was the same, she'd happily be out until 3am, exist on 5 hours' sleep then spend 12 hours walking around. I looked and felt awful all week, but then when I tried to set boundaries I was called a boring Grandma. She's no longer a friend.
Maybe if I were 18 ok, not in my 30s.
I've said I'll stay out until 2 once as a compromise this week, only if we can get a lie in.
I don't want to feel like a party pooper, but I just can't walk round for miles on end sleep deprived.
How would you compromise here?

Excessive 😂 what medical background do you have to be declaring that not being able to walk around for 12 hours several.days in a row after 4/5 hours sleep without being tired is "excessive"? Honestly you read some crap on mumsnet

If you are not that fussed about staying out late in bars and your DH wants to then could you not go for a couple of drinks together, both go back to the AirBNB and then once you are in he goes back out for a few more drinks.

I'm with you. I wouldn't do that. I'd be shattered and wouldn't be able to enjoy anything.

If I was out until 3am then I would want to leave the hotel no earlier than 9am the next day. Still I would be tired but it would be doable. I think your half past midnight cut off and then leaving the hotel at 8am is reasonable.

We need sleep. You won't be able to enjoy yourself if you're so tired.

Used to holiday with a FWB I guess is closest term - we got on on holiday fabulously particularly compared to at home! Maybe as we didn’t have the need to be together all the time, or worried so much about accommodating the other.
We both did specific day activities/outings the other wanted to do which were agreed in first day of holiday. Generally, I’m a much earlier riser and he’s much more stay out - around planned stuff then I just got up and did my own thing, including exploring and at night came back earlier if tired. We had only one key in one place which was more awkward but lived with answering door when inconvenient a couple of times. I do like freedom to explore or just chill by myself though, however amazing a partner, so I really appreciated these holidays.
it’s not incompatibility overall at all - I don’t understand why folk suggest this - it’s just finding an agreeable pattern for your holidays together, as you do at home.
Enjoy the rest of it.

Under 7 hours over several days would frankly suck some of the joy out of the holiday for me as I'd be too tired to make the most of it.

Yes, you can compromise on a late night or two, but he could also compromise so you can have a day or two a bit more chilled. He could go out on his own.

Jus,t tell him you’re shattered and meet-up later

They’re not compatible with their body clocks but that doesn’t necessarily mean they are not compatible generally.

Holidays are supposed to be fun, getting minimal sleep then exhausting yourself on repeat isn't fun.
I hate being out late. Nothing good happens after midnight. I'd rather be up early and go for a nice breakfast. But, if my partner really wanted to I would, on the condition that we're not rushing the following morning. A lot of cities don't wake up until nearer 10am so I wouldn't be killing myself to be out the door by 8 if i was out partying until 2am. Needs a bit of give and take from both sides I think!

Sounds hideous. I hate late nights.

No way would l ever tramp Roy d a city on 6 hours sleep.

Bloody hell, I'd consider that an endurance test too. Absolutely no need for blood tests, what a ridiculous suggestion!

I love exploring cities during the day, and will walk quite some distance to do so, sightseeing, museums, coffee, lunch. Dinner in the evening but then I will probably be back in the room reading by about 10. Asleep soon after that and up at a reasonable time for breakfast, then out again mid morning to see a bit more.

Drinking and clubbing until 3am or whatever was never my cup of tea even in my student days. Anyone wanting to do that can go without me. Fortunately DH is pretty similar in his approach so we are quite well suited there.

Building in afternoon naps or lie ins seem like a reasonable compromise for this trip. In the future would it work to design your trip so you spend the first half somewhere with lots to see and a vibrant night life and then the second half be a loungy hotel with a pool/spa/vineyard? So you get shattered the first few days doing everything, then recover at the end and go back rested?

It really isn’t. There’s absolutely no way I could stay out until 3 (presumably drinking), get up at 8, traipse around attractions and do it all again the next night without being tired and miserable.

OP I totally feel you - I too need an absolute minimum of 7 hours sleep. My OH liked to stay out late on holiday but we do lie in.

Would a compromise be perhaps to return to the room around 3-4pm for a doze before going out for the evening shift? We do that sometimes

Also your OH reminds me of my parents on holiday. Up at 6am for breakfast with a day of excursions planned and don’t you dare go to bed early because you need to make the most of your time here you might never come again 🙄🙄

You need a disco nap. Go out exploring, get back to the air bnb by 4, hop into bed for a two hour snooze, then shower and go out.

Having a nap in the afternoon absolutely does not refresh me enough to stay up late at night. Plus DH will want afternoon sex, so it's not really a relax time.

It isn't usually a deal breaker for the slower paced person, as typically things tend to be adapted to them, as what you can't do, you can't do. It's the higher energy person who tends to feel short changed if they feel they're missing out or being held back.