Annoyed that he gave my 7 year old dd a betting slip

[Popsicle72]

Dh has a relative visiting from overseas, luckily not staying with us but was here last night. I was cooking dinner so had to offer him some which he accepted. Dh had brought him shopping as he has no transport. Anyhow I had to leave the room to take a call and on return heard him giving my dd an envelope telling her to hide this and she wasn’t allowed open it!

after he left I opened it and found he had a betting slip inside! Is this not very weird. I was annoyed at him saying stuff like that that she was to keep it secret from us, not allowed open it etc and we wouldn’t be in favour of her knowing anything about betting at 7!

aibu

Relatives always used to slip us money and say don't tell your parents. It doesn't mean anything.
I'm sure hearing of betting at 7 won't harm her.

I wouldn't be too bothered about a betting slip but the keeping it a secret would not be allowed to happen.

Though at that age she wouldn't be able to do anything with it anyway so not sure why he would give her it?

So was this a 'live bet' - was the idea that if it won, you would cash it in as a gift for her?

Wouldn’t massively bother me (and I don’t like betting).

But you clearly dislike this relative so it’s difficult to judge without the backstory.

No different to buying a child premium bonds.

I think you are worrying over nothing.
I have some lovely memories as a child, of sitting with my grandad and helping him pick out his horses and filling in the slips. He wasn't an addict, he just liked horse racing and apart from a very occasional lottery ticket, I've never gambled in my life.

I spent my childhood standing outside the betting shops, listening to the televisions blaring out races and the smell of cigarettes wafting out the door. Feel quite nostalgic when I walk past one now. Not sure what the point of giving it to your daughter was though, unless she gets to keep the winnings if it's a winner?

I like the idea. So acceptably middle class to buy premium bonds in this country, yet this is frowned upon?
I’d have some issues with horse racing if that’s the bet, but I’d use it to open up discussion. Anyway the queen loved a flutter, so perhaps your guest thinks it’s a British thing?
have to say my 8 year old would have lived the excitement.

It sounds like you don't like the man. Even resenting cooking him dinner and only offering because your husband had taken him shopping (?!)

I agree with others the bet wasn't harmful. What was it on? England to win the world cup, a white Christmas?..Did dd understand it?

I understand you might be uncomfortable to see this man whispering "secrets" to your child when you leave the room. I'm assuming you don't know this relative well because he's overseas? I might feel uncomfortable about that.

It's fine. It's a piece of paper.

Betting slip a bit annoying as you will be left holding the can when dds horse or whatever dosent win but that’s probably snobbishness on my part and I can see that they were trying to get a gift with some added “excitement”

Secrets are not allowed in this house from Mummy and Daddy. Surprises yes secrets no. Obviously this is because little kids don’t know the difference between “don’t tell mummy I gave you £10” and “don’t tell mummy I touched you”. So dd would get a little chat about how she did the right thing telling me and yes relative whomever was wrong to tell her to keep it a secret. When dd does tell me grandad told her to keep the £10 or whatever secret I make a big point of ensuring she keeps the £10 anyway and how proud I am of her telling me. If it’s a totally unsuitable gift (no high heels at 6 thanks SIL) then I get DD something else to compensate as I don’t want her to think she can’t tell me as she will loose out.

Relative who asked for the “secret” gets a little talk (again) about why secrets from parents aren’t ok. They always bring up “but I wanted dd to help plan your birthday etc” and I again say that surprises - where the person you are not telling YET - will find out in some fairly soon timescale are fine but secrets aren’t. Kids don’t get the nuance of this which is why adults have to demonstrate the difference but it seems a lot of adults don’t either (or at least the ones I’m related to)

I used to pick horses with my grandparents as a small child. I do the lottery on occasion, but have never had any kind of gambling issue.

The secrecy seems odd because an adult would be needed to claim any winnings and probably to check the outcome of the bet as I can't see a 7 year old looking up the winner of the 14:35 at Doncaster or whatever.

In this case I’d be tempted to make this relative explain what a betting slip was to dd and watch the race or whatever with her and when she lost and sobbed her heart out then then get to deal! And also get them to say that they didn’t mean it was a secret from mummy and daddy of course because You don’t keep things secret from mummy and daddy. And if said relative wasn’t ok with doing that then they don’t get any unsupervised time with DD

My grandparents used to give us a scratch card at Christmas when I was little, we loved doing them! I don’t even do the lottery these days but I don’t see a problem with it. Not wild about the encouragement to keep it a secret but it’s not unusual imo.

I think if you are uncomfortable with it, you have your reasons and should trust your instincts. It’s not the betting thing so much as the secret thing that wouldn’t sit right with me. YANBU.

How did you handle it? Did you talk to the relative or dh? Explain to dd why you took her envelope, why you don’t like gambling? Throw it in the bin?

You also haven’t been clear about the relationship your relative has to your family?
A grandfather dd has seen regularly since birth, a cousin or brother in law you’ve never met before?

There’s always a chance a bet will win though

Would you allow dd to keep the money ? Put it in an account for her or refuse to accept it on principle?

No, don’t have a huge issue really.

My grandparents would slip me money. I imagine mum actually knew.

We would have a whole family bet for grand national. Kids would get to pick horses too. Neither me or any of my cousins have ever had gambling problems.

People buy premium bonds and lottery tickets for kids all the time.

Why is anyone sobbing their heart out?

YANBU. Anyone saying “don’t tell your mum/dad about this” is not a safe person to be around.

The slip itself I don’t see as an issue - Dbil did this when he and DH took 6 year old ds to his first football match, let ds pick the winning score and said if it wins you can keep the money (he actually got it right and got £35 which he bought himself a Lego set with and was over the moon!)

the secretiveness id not be ok with

if I explained to dd that she “might” win some money if her horse wins the race or whatever the bet is she will assume her horse WILL win and then be devastated when it doesn't. Probably a decent life lesson for her but not one I want a random relative forcing me to teach her at this particular point in our busy lives.

I’d let her keep it. If big amount some would have to go in her savings rather than being spent on sweets tho.