Annoyed that he gave my 7 year old dd a betting slip

[Popsicle72]

Dh has a relative visiting from overseas, luckily not staying with us but was here last night. I was cooking dinner so had to offer him some which he accepted. Dh had brought him shopping as he has no transport. Anyhow I had to leave the room to take a call and on return heard him giving my dd an envelope telling her to hide this and she wasn’t allowed open it!

after he left I opened it and found he had a betting slip inside! Is this not very weird. I was annoyed at him saying stuff like that that she was to keep it secret from us, not allowed open it etc and we wouldn’t be in favour of her knowing anything about betting at 7!

aibu

Not as straightforward as just cutting him out? Are you on another planet?

A man that's made sexual innuendoes to your child in her own home. And has no family as they've also cut him out for his nonce behaviour?

What the fuck. Why don't you feel the need to protect your child from him? Why are you more bothered about a secret betting slip?

I couldn't give a shit if he was an alcoholic or suicidal. Probably attention seeking as no one else talks to him because he's a disgusting man who makes sexual jokes about children.

The man shouldn't be anywhere near your child or family home but here we are again someone putting a bloke no matter what the relationship to you, above their child.

Mind blown.

Whether you're in the room or not this man has a history of inappropriate sexual remarks to children. He could be pretending to be scrolling on his phone taking pictures of your child. You can't trust this man, even if you're in the room.

And you'll probably now say there's no chance of him taking pictures as he's not technical at all or he doesn't have a phone

Which is exactly what gross men like him want you to think.

Do better. Get him away from your kid. (Coming from someone who was sexually assaulted at 7 years old in a situation similar to this)

Maybe you should look at how you’ve raised your DD that she has such little resilience or understanding around basic subjects.

Your child reacting like that doesn’t mean the OPs child would

Believe me my dh is driven demented by his presence, we are both in agreement on this that we need to distance ourselves but if you read my last post it’s not entirely straightforward

You are allowing yourself to buy the argument that it's "not straightforward".
Possibly because you & your H don't want to Feel The Awkward when you ban this guy from DD's presence & your home.

Why do you feel that this man's alcoholism is in any way an excuse to not protect your child? Or that it's your problem to fix his wifi & transport issues?

This.

I wouldn’t necessarily be bothered about the betting slip - a seven year old would have no understanding of the betting process. But encouraging to keep secrets from parents is a red flag and I would think carefully about allowing them around my dc again.

Fucking hell - this!

This will teach me to rtft before commenting. Why are you fixating on a betting slip rather than the previous inappropriate behaviour. Don’t let him into your house and make sure your dd knows that he’s dangerous and not to be trusted. Ffs.

He previously made inappropriate comments on front of her (sexual innuendo) and has fallen out with his family because of inappropriate behaviour towards a niece

FFS. His lack of wifi is the least of your worries. Why are you allowing this man ANY contact with your daughter? You and DH need to have a serious think about your boundaries; and you need to protect your daughter.

(He can get free wifi at a library or coffee shop and he's an adult so he can feed himself).

I wouldn't be happy with this. The idea of gambling doesn't need to be introduced at a young age and normalised. Problem gambling is a huge problem and when it is normalised at a young age it can cause problems when older. Trust me I see the impacts on a daily basis!

And I believe he is testing your daughter by asking her to keep the betting slip 'a secret'.

You're failing to keep your daughter safe in your own home by putting this man's fucking WIFI and transport issues over her safety, who has form of being sexually inappropriate with under age children and has directly made sexual comments to your daughter.

Sorry, but that's shit parenting.
Shit, irresponsible, lazy parenting.

Get this man away from your daughter at all costs.

Me too.

Why aren't you doing everything in your god given power to get this man out of your daughters life and keep him away?

It is black and white. There's no wiggle room to take risks for people like him.

Unbelievable.