Annoyed that he gave my 7 year old dd a betting slip

[Popsicle72]

Dh has a relative visiting from overseas, luckily not staying with us but was here last night. I was cooking dinner so had to offer him some which he accepted. Dh had brought him shopping as he has no transport. Anyhow I had to leave the room to take a call and on return heard him giving my dd an envelope telling her to hide this and she wasn’t allowed open it!

after he left I opened it and found he had a betting slip inside! Is this not very weird. I was annoyed at him saying stuff like that that she was to keep it secret from us, not allowed open it etc and we wouldn’t be in favour of her knowing anything about betting at 7!

aibu

thanks for replies, you were right in that you picked up that I dislike him. He previously made inappropriate comments on front of her (sexual innuendo) and has fallen out with his family because of inappropriate behaviour towards a niece so I am very wary of him. Husband was in the room at the time. I know people have memories of picking lottery numbers / horses but I don’t think she needs to know about betting at 7. It’s the keeping the secret bit I found most disturbing.

I wouldn't like the secrecy bit but I'd have no issues with the bet. We usually have a bit of fun for big events like Cheltenham or Galway races and put a few small bets on horses for each member of the family. And no one has a gambling problem it's all s bit of fun

Why on Earth would you leave him alone with your 7 year old DD then?!?!?

I didn’t and wouldn’t. My husband was in the room

So he told her to hide it with her parents in the living room.

He clearly knew you would know then. He didn’t hide anything from you or your dh.

Excuse me it's vastly different.

I doubt people set up bonds for other people's DC in secret, & tell the child to keep schtum about it. It's done upfront, in collaboration with the parents.

I'm a bit perplexed by the number of PP who are so blase about the secrecy.
A relative who DD doesn't/barely knows DD told a 7 year old to keep his secret from her parents.
Has nobody even heard of Safeguarding?

The betting slip is a red herring.

OK OP are you for real?

Out of all this what you are fixated on is a betting slip?
WHAT THE FUCK WAS YOUR H DOING INVITING THIS MAN INTO YOUR & HIS DAUGHTER'S HOME?

& what is going on with you - that you felt unable to challenge this?
That you are not spitting with rage, & deeply concerned whether H will invite him round again?
What the fuck is WRONG with your H?

I'm also a bit confused by the updates. The betting slip to me is nothing major, but having someone round and welcoming them who is sexually inappropriate with children when you have a young daughter? Did I miss something?

Fingers crossed its a winner.

Bit of a revelatory update there. Do not have him near your child, end of.

The thread title focuses on something entirely different to your update

An annoyed reaction seems wrong in this context. Angry, extremely concerned and horrified perhaps.

i strongly advise you don’t let your dd have any contact with a man known for inappropriate predatory behaviour.

Men that prey on children will often begin a grooming process by testing a child with a fairly harmless secret, they also win the affection of a child with gifts and treats, which the betting slip represents.

Come on, this is a man with history of inappropriate sexual behaviour around children. Dont ignore this warning sign.

its very hard to explain entire thing, he has a weird sense of humour, basically the last time we met home was 3 years ago he called to our house. Myself and dd would often look out her bedroom window at the moon. Dd shouts to him “come to my bedroom I want to show you something”, she was going to show him the moon so he said you are a bit young to be asking men to your bedroom. I got really annoyed and told him not to ever say anything like that on front of her again. So ever since then I am so wary of him. Omg it sounds horrendous when I read it back but that’s what happened. The episode with his niece was abroad when he was drunk and his family there don’t talk to him as a result. He has a house beside us so it’s very hard to avoid him completely when he is here but I never leave dd alone with him

I didn’t invite him in, he asked to use WiFi and dh had to bring him shopping

So just don't have him in your house anymore then?
That way he can't make inappropriate comments to DD or give her betting slips. Surely that's your problem solved.

Your DH shouldn't HAVE to do anything for him especially considering how uncomfortable you feel around him.

Just cut him out of your life. Simple.

Erm; very different. With premium bonds you get the actual money you put in back.

If this guy has made sexual comments about your CHILD it’s very easy NOT to be around him. You don’t have him in your house.
your dh doesn’t associate with him. Why do you or dh want to be anywhere near him?

no your dh didn’t have to bring him shopping or let him in to use anything.

I didn’t invite him in, he asked to use WiFi and dh had to bring him shopping
I know OP - I asked why your H invited him in.

Dh has a relative visiting from overseas, luckily not staying with us but was here last night.
Your H is running round after a relative whose own family have cut him off for inappropriate behaviour with his niece. Have you asked him WTF he thinks he's playing at?

I was cooking dinner so had to offer him some which he accepted. Dh had brought him shopping as he has no transport.
If this man is going to be visiting for a while, or frequently, you are going to have to toughen up & find some boundaries.
You didn't have to offer him dinner. You could have said it wasn't convenient.
He can use wifi wherever he's staying, & carry shopping home on public transport.
I'm just amazed that your H is pandering to him, & you went along with your H. Are you scared to challenge H?

This man's own family have disowned him over the niece incident.
Why is H not paying attention?

I was annoyed at him saying stuff like that that she was to keep it secret from us, not allowed open it etc and we wouldn’t be in favour of her knowing anything about betting at 7

oh come on, he was joking. He hardly gave her booze. My mum's best friend used to slip me cash every now and again and say don't tell mum. I think you are taking this way too seriously, that and he lives overseas so you won't have him much in your lives so I'd let it go.

I'm appalled that your sat here splitting hairs over someone who was and is inappropriate to minors, over a fucking betting slip.

WHAT ARE YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND DOING LETTING THIS MAN IN YOUR HOME.

Huge safeguarding issue here which you and your husband ware responsible for protecting your child against this man. Which you're failing to do by allowing him (whether you wanted to or not) into your home.

But oh good fine let him in as long as he doesn't give DD betting slips.

Mind blowing.

Why are you and H not protecting your child and allowing this man into your home?

Jesus wept. Doesn't matter if she wasn't alone in the room with him. You don't know the thoughts going through this man's head.

You and your H are utterly irresponsible letting this man into your home under ANY circumstances

Agreed!

Thanks for all the replies. His family home is near ours and my husband is one of the few relatives that talks to him. He lost everything due to alcoholism and has been suicidal. It’s not as straightforward as cutting him out of our lives but we are both in agreement that dd is never to be in his company alone. Strangely enough she likes him as on previous visits he would do puzzles draw pictures etc with her (we would also be present) this is all before the inappropriate comments he made here and the behaviour with his niece. He has no WiFi where he lives here and no transport so is constantly in contact with dh looking for things.

Believe me my dh is driven demented by his presence, we are both in agreement on this that we need to distance ourselves but if you read my last post it’s not entirely straightforward