He was due to earn over double his wage

[Justapipedream]

Dh works in a good company and earns an ok wage, we get by but have no money left over for proper holidays and things like that, especially at the moment, we can just make the bills and food shop, clothes etc but no treats for ourselves etc, I get that’s how it is for lots of people.
He works really hard and was told by his boss that the company could be merging with another company/sort of buying him out (confusing to me) but that basically Dh would have a higher position (more stress, but not hugely, more responsibility etc) and would be on a wage just over double the amount he earns now. This is a huge amount to us and we’ve never earned that amount before or thought that we could. His boss was very keen, said it wasn’t definite but very highly likely, they had meetings etc, put plans in place, Dh told everyone-our parents etc. I kept reiterating that it wasn’t definite yet and not to get out hopes up, but it seemed likely and was all going ahead.
He’s told me tonight that his boss isn’t going ahead as the figures they’ve given don’t suit him, Dh hasn’t told me more as is being defensive about it and is obviously disappointed.
Aibu to feel so so disappointed about it? The main thing I was looking forward to was being able to send Dd to a small, private school (she has autism and us currently in a class of 24) this school is just perfect but obviously costs money. We could’ve paid for this, had a little left over to save in case of emergencies and for the future (we never have savings, only our house to rely on, fairly small ish mortgage left) and maybe had a treat holiday for Dd each year.
It’s really mainly about the school, I’m not bothered for myself really and never buy new clothes etc…I just had a dream of her going there and really thriving.
I can’t make enough money to send her there on the hours I can work.
The boss has said he may be able to give a 200 pound raise next year, which is great, but *May means I’m taking everything with a pinch of salt now and the way things are, that amount will just afford a bit extra food shop or petrol per week.
Aibu to feel really gutted and wish his boss had never said anything and given us such high hopes.

*£200 per month raise

Yeah I'd be really upset. What a shame. Will he look for another job?

*Is currently in a class of 24

His boss was keeping him sweet to keep him in post until the business had been acquired. The pay increase almost certainly wouldn't have materialised even if the deal had gone through.

@squarepegleg Where we are (not U.K. £200 equivalent ish in euros) it’s considered a good wage he’s on, but wages are low compared to the U.K…so he won’t earn that with someone else, so we’re grateful for the job he has, if that makes sense. I wish I hadn’t started to believe it was happening but it seemed to be going ahead…wonder if the boss feels crap for getting hopes up…Dh was even training alongside the other owner (in order to take over his role) a measly 200 per month doesn’t seem that fair

@Doyoumind Why not? Sorry what do you mean…I guess Dh could walk out at any time though…that sounds a shitty thing to do

Dh is all defensive and says he thinks he earns well for the family, I said to him it’s nothing to do with that and of course he does, it’s just such a shame.
How do I hide that disappointment…feel
so pissed off at his boss

Has your DH had a look and see what he's worth on the job market?

If he'd get double his wage with a merger, then he's severely underpaid.

Woukd the other company hire him?

@emptythelitterbox From what I can fathom from the small amount Dh said tonight, they are still merging but boss is keeping their old premises and this other company aren’t taking over *All of his company…or something.
The original plan was the other company were buying his company/taking it on and his boss was stepping back (he’s a fair bit older and is barely in work anyway, Dh does the majority and he’s able to rely on leaving it to him)
The guy of the other company would take on all Dh’s companies workers and Dh would work alongside the owner to learn his role as he wanted to also take a step back from the company. Hence, more responsibility for Dh but with it a massive pay rise.
I don’t know how it will work now, but Dh won’t really say much as seems to take it personally that it’s a disappointment,
No way could he earn that where we are, a third party (wealthy) was also due to pump money into it, hence the rise etc also…I don’t understand how they’re still merging but staying in the same place and no changes in job title or wages

This is a bit odd.

If the other company were going to take over the company your DH works for, with his boss stepping back, then his boss was never in any kind of position to make promises.

It wouldn't have been his decision, would it?

What job do you have Op, not being goady, but if you want the family pot to be bigger, is there a way you could find more hours or another role? Can you tag-team hours to increase overall pot?

@TomTraubertsBlues He wanted it to happen (or thought he did, but seems to have changed his mind 🤷🏻‍♀️)
Third party boss knows was due to pump a load of money in, bosses workers would all
move to the new workplace and work there, boss would step back and reap the profits..he assumed/hoped 🤷🏻‍♀️I think I have that right. Dh would take over owner of other places role so he could also step back too.
Dh said they will still be merging with the other company but staying where they are as boss will get a better deal than handing over his company completely..does that make sense…so boss will still be getting the money coming in but no better position or money for Dh?

This is a huge amount to us and we’ve never earned that amount before or thought that we could.

Are you also involved in the company, OP? It might just be the choice of words but it sounds like you've got some connection here, too?

In this kind of scenario nothing is guaranteed until it's all signed. And even then there's no guarantee that promises made beforehand will be kept. Or even that jobs will be secure
I think you and DH were a bit naive?

Is there scope for you to get any kind of payrise at your work?

@Lysianthus I’d love to but am not going to leave Dd in school/after school club or whatever from 8 until gone 6/7 every day with the struggles she has. My profession is a teacher but Dd is currently only part time and needs a lot of support. The way things are I can’t see myself ever going back to full time teaching and the stresses it entails with Dd now.
If I could get a high flying job for the hours to work around her, I’d snap it up, it doesn’t work like that unfortunately. My plan was even to do a masters whilst Dd was in this perfect school and then be able to advance further.
For what it’s worth…before Dd, I was the higher earner for the majority of our life together and we’ve been together since we were teens.

@SofiaSoFar No…but I do class it as our money as we always have done…me being the higher earner for years it was our money also…me now supporting Dd and having to put my career on hold to let Dh’s flourish, it’s also our money, isn’t it? We’ve been together almost 28 years

@SweetSakura Yes, perhaps…it was just put across as a done deal practically, Dh learning the ropes, meetings, discussions…I was v hesitant at first, but as time went on I suppose I really believed it was happening.
When dd starts full time, I can add 3 hrs work on per day….I’d never make enough money to send her to private school…I chose a giving profession I suppose, one you certainly don’t do for the money, I’d do things differently given the chance again

It’s natural to feel disappointed when some good fortune doesn’t end up happening, so no, you are not being unreasonable for feeling a bit down over it.

I hope, though, that you are being supportive of your husband (the one who actually was let down directly), and aren’t making him feel worse by saying how much it affects you.

@CloudybutMild I haven’t said anything about how I feel…just put it on here! I’d rather have not known though tbh and rather Dh hadn’t told our parents, who got all excited for us

So the boss will have been telling / promising your DH anything to keep him on board before a merger / takeover happens.

It makes it easier for him to sell a company with committed experienced staff.
it is absolutely not a given, as the new employer will have an input, subject to Tupe.

Yes, it’s a real,shame, especially as you felt it could make such a difference to your daughter.

I suspect, as others have said, that his boss may have been over-egging the situation, which if true is very unfair.

If it were me I’d want to have a proper sit-down discussion with the owner, ask what exactly was stopping him giving me the position now, and also ask what it would take to allow me to progress to a role which did pay that amount.

That’s how I’d phrase it, too “what do I need to to do enable you to pay me X amount by this time next year?”

@JetBlackSteed I’m not sure as he knows Dh wasn’t leaving anyway? I don’t understand how it’s working…it seems to me if they’re merging, then the boss will be getting more money put in, but to make it what he feels is *Fair, he may up his wage by €200 a month

@CloudybutMild The trouble is that Dh keeps quiet as he knows it’s a good wage for where we are, only because the wages are low and should all be made higher…so it’s like we need to be grateful..which we are, but…he also works hard and practically runs the place and hasn’t had a raise in a couple of years

@CloudybutMild To say he wage he did (originally) was v unfair as it’s the stuff dreams are made of for us and would have made a considerable difference to our lives.

Your DH could use this fire in his belly to argue for a substantial raise, and at the same time look for a better paid job elsewhere - if he is offered sthg he can then use that as leverage.