He was due to earn over double his wage

[Justapipedream]

Dh works in a good company and earns an ok wage, we get by but have no money left over for proper holidays and things like that, especially at the moment, we can just make the bills and food shop, clothes etc but no treats for ourselves etc, I get that’s how it is for lots of people.
He works really hard and was told by his boss that the company could be merging with another company/sort of buying him out (confusing to me) but that basically Dh would have a higher position (more stress, but not hugely, more responsibility etc) and would be on a wage just over double the amount he earns now. This is a huge amount to us and we’ve never earned that amount before or thought that we could. His boss was very keen, said it wasn’t definite but very highly likely, they had meetings etc, put plans in place, Dh told everyone-our parents etc. I kept reiterating that it wasn’t definite yet and not to get out hopes up, but it seemed likely and was all going ahead.
He’s told me tonight that his boss isn’t going ahead as the figures they’ve given don’t suit him, Dh hasn’t told me more as is being defensive about it and is obviously disappointed.
Aibu to feel so so disappointed about it? The main thing I was looking forward to was being able to send Dd to a small, private school (she has autism and us currently in a class of 24) this school is just perfect but obviously costs money. We could’ve paid for this, had a little left over to save in case of emergencies and for the future (we never have savings, only our house to rely on, fairly small ish mortgage left) and maybe had a treat holiday for Dd each year.
It’s really mainly about the school, I’m not bothered for myself really and never buy new clothes etc…I just had a dream of her going there and really thriving.
I can’t make enough money to send her there on the hours I can work.
The boss has said he may be able to give a 200 pound raise next year, which is great, but *May means I’m taking everything with a pinch of salt now and the way things are, that amount will just afford a bit extra food shop or petrol per week.
Aibu to feel really gutted and wish his boss had never said anything and given us such high hopes.

@Leafblowertime It's 'disturbing' OP used his/our interchangeably? You might be overthinking it.

@Justapipedream You say he is too laid back to ask for a pay rise himself and that is a huge problem... It is something everybody finds difficult but it can be taught. You can Google YouTube videos on it, books on it
Sam with looking for a role elsewhere. His laid back manner isn't serving the family well, so any pressure or encouragement you could give could pay dividends... Don't just settle for crumbs. £200 per month is crumbs (these days).

If your were the higher earner before, could you go back to work and your DH stay at home? Or could one of you work evenings?

@Leafblowertime Oh fgs 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

@NovemberRain2 We need both wages, my full time teachers wage wouldn’t be enough to support us all, no way.

Good advice. Lots on youtube. Toastmasters is a great group to build confidence and leadership skills, plus make connections.

It sounds like he already has some great skills. He just needs a boost.
It seems he has some leadership management skills as he wouldn't have been considered as an option to take over the business at some point.

Your DH boss sold him the dream and hyped up the potential opportunity to keep your DH laser focused, motivated and hard at it!
There was nothing in writing and no formal retainer.
The boss has played your DH for his own gain. Your DH has now been promised a £200 PM pay rise next year, does he have that in writing??? I understand your disappointment but empty words are worthless!!

Hi OP this is very odd that your DH's boss guaranteed a position that he didn't even know would exist in a new or merged company, given that a restructure would usually be expected. The fact it got as far as discussing salary specifics too is bizarre.

It sounds like he may have been stringing your DH along.

He should use this as an opportunity to go to market and find a new position if he's worth double what he's being paid!

@Southwig22 They need the position would exist for Dh, it had been decided if they were to go ahead between the boss and the man putting the money into tne business

@Southwig22 *Knew

They needed someone to take over the other guys role basically as he wanted to step back

Sounds like the old boss wanted your DH to take over from him as a new manager in the new company. And was hoping for that.

And the new boss agreed initially, but then changed his mind and went for the merger of the most profitable bits of the business only, and this did not involve DH.

Or they pumped DH for information on how to run things that the old manager should have know. But didn’t as he gets DH do it now, and now the new guys know that all, they don’t need DH to be the manager after all.

Sounds like DH is being used like a manager but being paid as a labourer (or whatever the job is) when he is clearly doing more than his original job description.

Hos old boss tried to help him progress but the new guy chose not to.

Not much DH can do. He should apply for jobs that match his actual skills, like manager roles, as that’s what he’s been doing, rather than looking at labourer roles and what those jobs pay, as that’s not really what he does as he does more.

Don’t count your chickens.

@Justapipedream

Do you claim DLA or the equivalent that might cover some fees or there might be a grant or something