Hosting someone else's party, is this a thing?

[QueSyrahSyrah]

Twice this year we've been invited to parties (one engagement and one birthday) that have taken place at the home of some other person than the inviter - both friends, not family.

AIBU to find this quite odd? I can't imagine wanting to have people round for my birthday and any of my friends saying 'oh no worries, have it at mine, invite whoever you want' much less can I imagine actually asking a friend to provide a venue for my do.

On neither occasion have we even known the host, maybe met once or twice in passing. It feels really odd to just turn up at a strangers house for a party for someone who has their own perfectly suitable home. With a bit of social anxiety I feel uncomfortable enough sometimes at the homes of people I do know well, without hanging around as a guest of someone I don't.

Maybe this is a thing now and we're just behind the times?

If you feel it's so odd and it causes you so much social anxiety then why did you rock up to two parties you weren't invited to?

@Keyansier I didn't, I said we were invited. I didn't attend either.

Perfectly normal thing to do. Most people have a spouse or partner who would organise your birthday party .

I hosted a single friend‘s 50th birthday party as a lovely thing to do for her. ( recently divorced) . Her other friends all brought a dish and we loved spoiling her.

We’ve hosted in the past for friends - sometimes it works better for the birthday girl not to have to do everything. We used her guest list & invited everyone & liaised over food/drinks.

Sometimes it just works better for the person whose party it is, I’m sure they’d be disappointed to learn why you didn’t come.

Pretty standard with my friends. Either the host has children and the house is better set up so guests can bring children too, or there is better parking, or it’s larger. Usually the birthday person does the greeting and organises food etc but we all muck in generally with washing up, helping etc so it’s never been an issue.

It works for us but obv nothing is perfect and it’s not going to work for everyone!

You didn’t go to the party of a friend or relative because you didn’t agree with where it was? That’s so weird imo.

Surely if someone wants to throw a birthday or engagement party then a friend hosting it, dealing with the planning, clean up etc is a lovely thing to do for a friend?

Hosted one of my closest friend's 40ths nearly 10 years ago. So no, not new.

Well obviously it is a thing then, I stand corrected. I've just never come across it before, parties have always been at someone's own home, or a public venue / hall / bar.

For info one of those we were invited to was decided for me, we were already busy. The other DH attended, it was his friends in any case, I doubt very much I was missed.

I'm not sure how you can be behind the times since this sort of thing has been happening since about the 1920s

But more puzzling is this bit...

I can't imagine wanting to have people round for my birthday and any of my friends saying 'oh no worries, have it at mine, invite whoever you want' much less can I imagine actually asking a friend to provide a venue for my do.

In your little world, does everyone live in a house suitable to hold a party in? You've never heard of anyone living in temp accommodation, small flats, bedsits even?

when my daughter was 3 i asked her where she wanted her birthday party and she said “jenny’s” (a friend of mine). i would have been perfectly happy with that - jenny somewhat less so I guess. We had it at home.

@BagOfBollocks I live in a tiny one bedroom flat, so my 30th party was in a bar. It honestly wouldn't have crossed my mind to have it at someone else's house, even if they'd offered.

jenny somewhat less so I guess. We had it at home.

😂😂😂

Well obviously it is a thing then, I stand corrected

I mean recently you have had two invitations to parties hosted by a friend, was that not ending for you to believe it was a ‘thing’?

I went to an engagement party of a friend about 30 years ago which was held in his fiance's ex-husband's house.

Now that was bizarre

@luxxlisbon Well of the hundreds of birthdays / engagements / christenings / etc I've been invited to over the years, these are the first two with this set-up, and within 2 months of each other 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have been to many parties celebrating different occasions and I have never come across this arrangement. I genuinely didn’t know it was a thing !

I went to an engagement party of a friend about 30 years ago which was held in his fiance's ex-husband's house.

Was he there?

Ex-husbands aside, it's completely standard to host a party at your house in someone else's honour. I'd say it's even expected in the case of an engagement or a big anniversary. I actually think it is unusual for the couple to host this themselves.

Aah well at least that makes two of us

Not something I've come across either! I would find it very odd if I was invited to someone's house but for another person's party! I guess if it was someone who couldn't hold one at theirs ie living in a beds it it wouldn't be as odd, but usually (for me) that would mean the party would be held in a bar or similar.

@teezletangler I can totally see that in the case of say a parent hosting an engagement party for their DC, or an Aunt/Uncle hosting a christening for their Niece/Nephew etc.

It's the friend (that doesn't really know any of the people coming) offering or agreeing to host that has thrown me.

I would find it unusual, mostly because although I love them, I find parties are quite hard work and as we are usually hosting friends and family with similarly young kids, quite hard on the house. I wouldn’t feel comfortable subjecting anyone else to a big clear up if it wasn’t their party, I don’t find people help that much with the aftermath (maybe that’s just my crowd though!)

Having said that, it wouldn’t stop me going to a party I was invited to, I would just also find it a little odd.

@Keyansier - If you feel it's so odd and it causes you so much social anxiety then why did you rock up to two parties you weren't invited to?

You win the prize for the meanest reply and also for not reading the thread. Wtf??

Op WAS invited to both parties. But she went to neither.

I didn't know this was a thing either, op, and I get why you feel it's odd. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I haven't experienced it with friends hosting, but MIL usually hosts our dc parties. On rhobh Rinnas launch party was held in crystals garden.

Nah this is news to me too OP never heard of it 😅