Hosting someone else's party, is this a thing?

[QueSyrahSyrah]

Twice this year we've been invited to parties (one engagement and one birthday) that have taken place at the home of some other person than the inviter - both friends, not family.

AIBU to find this quite odd? I can't imagine wanting to have people round for my birthday and any of my friends saying 'oh no worries, have it at mine, invite whoever you want' much less can I imagine actually asking a friend to provide a venue for my do.

On neither occasion have we even known the host, maybe met once or twice in passing. It feels really odd to just turn up at a strangers house for a party for someone who has their own perfectly suitable home. With a bit of social anxiety I feel uncomfortable enough sometimes at the homes of people I do know well, without hanging around as a guest of someone I don't.

Maybe this is a thing now and we're just behind the times?

If you read the actual timeline of the thread then you will realise OP confirmed she didn't attend the parties until after my reply.

@teezletangler yes he was there.
It was a very strange setup

I’ve done it multiple times for people, going back years - once because I have a house with great entertaining space and they wanted lots of people (and no I didn’t know half of them but who cares), once because friend lived out of town but her friends were all mine too and still local to me, once for family where they lived out of town and once for a family member who wouldn’t have coped with the cleaning/shopping/catering or the anxiety of hosting but still wanted a big event for a milestone birthday. I have time, space and I don’t mind doing it - the social anxiety idiosyncrasies of guests never crossed my mind as an issue. Shock horror on at least a couple of occasions I’ve had people stay overnight after the party without even knowing them beforehand too.

Nope not normal in my world.

I think it is relatively unusual, but hardly unheard of.
I had a friend suggest I had my birthday party at theirs, because they had a much better set up for a BBQ than we did, some 30 odd years ago. So, whilst perhaps not being that common, it is hardly unheard of.

@Keyansier - but she was invited to them. Anyway, a mean, snippy reply.

@Thegreenballoon You sound very generous.

I wouldn't expect my personal anxieties to bother either the host or the person celebrating obviously; that's my issue entirely and it's just made these kind of invites give me a bit more to think about (FWIW I don't especially relish any big house party, even when I know the hosts and the house).

Good god have people been on the arsey juice or what?
It's not something I've ever come across either.
I guess if it was a surprise party then fair enough but other than that it's not something that's on my radar.

I'm going to one tomorrow evening friend hosting we're all bringing food and have clubbed together to buy our friend who's 60 a day out and flowers.

We've hosted and been guests a few times over the years

Ignore that poster OP, they are popping up all over the site being aggressive with no contribution whatsoever.

Why does it matter whether or not it is a ‘thing’?

The only issue is that you have anxiety about going into a third party home. That doesn’t mean other people shouldn’t arrange parties in the way that is best for them.

I’ve never experienced this and don’t know anyone that has hosted for someone else.

@SuperCamp Where did I say they shouldn't? I simply asked because I've personally never heard of this before until suddenly two invites in the past two months.

No it’s not odd a friend or family member may offer to host a party if they have a bigger house or to save the birthday girl the stress of hosting in her own home. ( as has been done for me )

Friends offered to host my special birthday a few years ago as they had a bigger house than me. I wouldn’t have asked but was very grateful. Most of our friends were mutual but they didn’t know my family who were also invited

Another friend hosted a hen party for one of our mutual friends.

I went to a friends Baptism at a complete strangers house - about 12 years ago. Felt a bit awkward when I first arrived but they were lovely hosts.

Been to several wakes after funerals at houses of people I didn’t know, all more than 15-20 years ago now though. These days they are mostly in a Pub or rented/catered venue.

This has been going on for a long time

oh yes, forgot a few engagement parties (maybe 2/3 or more?) in late 80’s for friends - both/all held at parents house of one the couple
Not only are engagement parties rare these days but larger parties are all in halls now

I would say that people hosting parties on behalf of other people is a very very old thing, not a new thing at all. The idea being that the person being celebrated doesn't have to do the work and/or because the person hosting is sort of taking responsibility/credit for the person being celebrated. Imean, we all do it for our children - we host the party but it's the child's party, not ours.

Another obvious and classic example of this is a bride's parents being the official hosts for a wedding. today, it's "all about the bride and groom" and they tend to do the organising etc, but the basic tradition of brides parents paying and organizing is a long standing one.

See Bridgerton for other examples - doesn't the Duchess woman host parties for her nephew/other randoms all the time?

Ah, but this is AIBU.
You said twice in your OP that you find it ‘odd’ and asked if YABU. You said you found it uncomfortable.
IMO YABU.

My parents hosted my first child's christening party and we hosted our grandchild's first birthday. Can't see anything wrong with it?

In my world yes, they do. You can have a party in a bed sit if you want, and I’ve been to plenty.

I'm in Scotland and I've never been invited to a party that's hosted at someone else's house. It's just not a thing amongst people I know unless it's for older relative such as Daughter hosting mum's 80th birthday party.
Amongst my friends and colleagues if they weren't having it at home it would be in a venue like pub, club, hall

Same here. Restaurant, community centre, function room of a pub etc would all be normal. Someone else hosting would not be.

I’ve never heard of people doing this other than on here.

Your examples are family though, which isn't what I found odd. The examples I've been invited to are where a friend of the person celebrating has offered their home as a party venue, where the majority of guests will be strangers to them.

Also I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with it, just that I'd never heard of it before, and don't (for my own reasons) especially like the idea of rocking up at stranger's house.

As a rule, hosting a party for someone else involves the time and effort to organise but there's also a cost element so that's also a factor. You're more likely to see it in situations where money and/or time is not an issue for the person hosting. eg if I host my sister's baby shower, I also expect to pay for that baby shower as well as orgnanise it. If my parents host my wedding, they also expect to pay for that wedding and, traditionally, make lots of decisions about food/music/decor.

The host may ask for contributions from other people (eg - we're having afternoon tea at this fancy hotel at a cost of xx plus YY for your share of the person-being-hosted's-meal) but arguably, the person for whom the party is for would not be expected to pay.

You're odd. It's a perfectly normal thing to do. My dsis hosted many parties for my dc as they had much more space and a huge garden. She offers as well.