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Original poster

To feel a bit sad - 30th birthday trip solo

90 replies

Quirkyme · 08/11/2022 00:44

Hello, I'm feeling a bit sad.

My 30th birthday is in March and I plan to travel abroad.
Asked my girlfriends and had one that was up for it but today told me due to other financial restraints is likely unable to make it.

It looks like I'll be going by myself.
I'm estranged from family, have been for nearly 3 years now, and bdays have always mostly been special prior to estrangement, I guess sad because I didn't really imagine my 30th being alone.

I'm spending Xmas alone too - I did last year and had a Xmas solo break in Cornwall but I'm saving up for this bday so not doing so this year .

For my 29th, I did do a solo spa break and I did enjoy myself.

I guess I'm just having a moment and it's kinda bringing back like the lack of family I have and just my situation and having no one to celebrate with.

I know I will have a good time on this trip, but yeah I'm quite upset and having a moment, I'm actually really upset right now.

Would appreciate some words of encouragement to take the plunge and do this trip alone , and just from others who have been in similar situations and had a good time?

I've flown alone before to meet friends abroad before but this will be my first time fully solo abroad.

Thank you.

OP posts:
EBearhug · 14/11/2022 00:36

Also wanted to ask, what did you do for your Christmases' alone?

I do a proper Christmas dinner (turkey breast rather than a full bird), because I like Christmas dinner- including properly laying the table with a linen tablecloth and all. I unwrap any presents I have. I laze around watching TV, reading, doing a jigsaw, or if the weather's good, going for a walk. It's pretty much like any other Christmas, except without other people. And not unlike the weekend I've just had, except with less housework and more food.

I may meet up with cousins or friends at some point in the days after Christmas - depends who is around and what else is going on, whether I'm on-call (IT, nothing exciting.) I think I'd rather be st home alone than go away to a hotel or something where I'm alone among lots of families or something.

Original poster
Quirkyme · 14/11/2022 00:54

EBearhug · 14/11/2022 00:36

Also wanted to ask, what did you do for your Christmases' alone?

I do a proper Christmas dinner (turkey breast rather than a full bird), because I like Christmas dinner- including properly laying the table with a linen tablecloth and all. I unwrap any presents I have. I laze around watching TV, reading, doing a jigsaw, or if the weather's good, going for a walk. It's pretty much like any other Christmas, except without other people. And not unlike the weekend I've just had, except with less housework and more food.

I may meet up with cousins or friends at some point in the days after Christmas - depends who is around and what else is going on, whether I'm on-call (IT, nothing exciting.) I think I'd rather be st home alone than go away to a hotel or something where I'm alone among lots of families or something.

Hey lovely, sounds lush. I think I may do something similar this year, or order in some nice food... I do like to cook so we shall see... get myself some nice pyjamas too 😊

Yeah I get what you mean about the hotel thing, the hotel I went to last year, it was a particular spa break for Xmas and it was actually really nice, an adults-only place. I think there were only other two other solo people, but I deffo enjoyed it that time.

Thank you for the suggestions and your lovely words ♥️

OP posts:
Newmum0322 · 14/11/2022 07:51

Quirkyme · 13/11/2022 23:59

@Newmum0322

Same thing I said applies - don't ask the question. Read what I said again and change the words "advice" to "don't ask such questions" if you wish to be so pedantic.
Everything I said to you still applies.

And in asking, you are suggesting, actually.

Again, have respect, and take accountability.
That apology isn't an apology.
Either say a sincere apology, or don't apologise if you don't feel the need to but "I'm sorry you..." is not an apology.

It wasn’t apology. I wasn’t sorry for my post. I was sorry you read into it in such an extreme way!

Original poster
Quirkyme · 14/11/2022 10:05

@Newmum0322

Kindly stop commenting.
No accountability and just blame from your end, and you still continue to comment doing this talking about "you read it in such an extreme way". Stop commenting, I've said what I've had to say, take it on board or don't.

But come off my post.
Didn't "read into" anything, I read what you wrote and told you to have respect.
Someone else who is also estranged from family also commented agreeing.
You deffo did what I said, it's clear for all to see.

So kindly stop, have respect and come off my post.

OP posts:
Newmum0322 · 14/11/2022 10:20

This reply has been deleted

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Quirkyme · 14/11/2022 10:22

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Original poster
Quirkyme · 14/11/2022 10:23

sianiboo · 12/11/2022 18:59

@Quirkyme Amen to your last post. I've been estranged from most of my family for over 30 years, for very good reasons. I'm in my mid 50s now and fed up to the back teeth with fucking ignorant idiots thinking that they know better than me and bleating 'but they're faaaaaammmmilllly'

Unless I ask for your opinion on it - and I never will - keep it to yourself.

Hey, look what she has written. She has commented blaming me for the estrangement.

She has used the little information I shared on here to attack me, for my choice to be estranged from family.

OP posts:
Original poster
Quirkyme · 14/11/2022 10:25

@Newmum0322

I made the choice to be estranged from family due to abuse.

And you have used that information to attack me, when I simply asked you to respect that and not suggest or ask questions about reconciling.

I MADE THAT CHOICE for my safety and well-being.
I don't have to explain anything to you but you are absolutely vile for attacking and using that against me.

Wow. What a horrible person you are.

OP posts:
Newmum0322 · 14/11/2022 10:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

potniatheron · 14/11/2022 10:41

Hi Quirky

Ignore the nasty people on there.

I get that you're feeling a bit odd about doing a solo trip on your own. I spent my 30th birthday not alone but horribly lonely, in the grip of my addictions, and in a toxic relationship. It sounds like you are in a much better place in your life.

So enjoy your solo trip, treat yourself to a beautiful memento, take yourself out for a nice dinner. It is better to be happy alone and miserable in a crowd.

All the best

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 14/11/2022 11:09

ohh OP, that sounds like a fab trip!

It is a big and expensive trip, so I can understand why friend had to drop out due to financials. But I bet you will still have a marvellous time.

I love the suggestion of making it a birthday year. Maybe some small celebration every month for the 12 months!
plan 2-3 ahead and you will have so much to look forward to all year 😊
(I must remember this for my next big birthday!!)

superdupernova · 14/11/2022 13:43

I love to travel solo, I've been doing it since I was 18. If you're worried about spending the day alone, you could always join a tour for the holiday instead. I've used GAdventures for tours in South America and Africa. They were brilliant with a good mix of people, including a lot of solo travellers.

Original poster
Quirkyme · 14/11/2022 23:21

Freeasabird76 · 08/11/2022 01:27

Ffs get a life troll.vs
Op,it's ok to be sad,for what it's worth I admire how you are willing to do things alone and not let it hold you back.

Thank you. I appreciate it 😊♥️

OP posts:
Original poster
Quirkyme · 15/11/2022 23:59

IcakethereforeIam · 08/11/2022 01:53

OP I've travelled very little, never really had a taste for it. So I'm useless so far as advice on that is concerned. I've been reading a long thread about people's worse holidays and lots seem to have been spoiled by travelling companions, and rain. So much rain.

The world is your oyster, I hope you will have a wonderful and memorable time, see things, try things, talk to people and spend time alone if you wish. So long as you don't lose your phone, keep it charged and have WiFi you will have your family and your friends in your pocket.

All the best.

Thank you 🥰

OP posts:
Original poster
Quirkyme · 18/11/2022 22:41

creideamhdóchasgrá · 08/11/2022 02:01

Sorry to hear you are feeling sad :)

How lovely that you've planned an exciting trip away.

My 30th birthday is in March and I plan to travel abroad
had one [friend] that was up for it but today told me due to other financial restraints is likely unable to make it

So your friend would love to come but can't because s/he can't afford it?

The choice is whether to stay at home and be with friend(s), or to go abroad, probably alone.

So if you do go that sounds like choosing an adventure to me!

You could have a "birthday year". My friend did that and she arranged a year-round set of activities from going away by herself to a walk by the river with a friend - and each month she did something to celebrate and connect.

Is Christmas alone a choice? If not and you are sad about it, I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe reach out to friends and see if you can join them or even pop in for a short while?

I know someone who has Christmas alone every year and she does a bike ride on Christmas Day, popping in to various people. Sometimes she stays on the bike and just has a quick chat at the door, and sometimes she pops in for a chat (and mince pie). It's become her thing and people look forward to it.

I hear your pain about not having family around and there for you and empathise. You do deserve a big extended, engaged and engaging family and I'm sorry that you don't.

Loneliness is something humans share and it felt in a family, in a crowd and when alone so we can all relate.

So...

Lots and lots of self care especially tonight and over the next few days and when you're feeling tired or vulnerable.

To combat the lack of family and to feel connected and rooted think about some regular volunteering, and local community group membership - if you don't do that already and you think it would help.

And new adventures!

The choice is yours, stay home and celebrate your birthday with friends or off on another adventure! :)

"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well"
(The Optimism of Mother Julian of Norwich)

Hey hey.

Thank you so much for your lovely words. Very kind and encouraging and much appreciated.
I really like the suggestions, the birthday year one sounds amazing... I will deffo look to incorporate!

Thanks again! My friend has said she maybe be able to come for a little while depending on a few things... I have become accustomed to the idea of going on my own and the positives of that, so we shall see!

Thank you again. I'll bare all of you've said in mind 🥰🥰🥰

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