To feel a bit sad - 30th birthday trip solo

[Quirkyme]

Hello, I'm feeling a bit sad.

My 30th birthday is in March and I plan to travel abroad.
Asked my girlfriends and had one that was up for it but today told me due to other financial restraints is likely unable to make it.

It looks like I'll be going by myself.
I'm estranged from family, have been for nearly 3 years now, and bdays have always mostly been special prior to estrangement, I guess sad because I didn't really imagine my 30th being alone.

I'm spending Xmas alone too - I did last year and had a Xmas solo break in Cornwall but I'm saving up for this bday so not doing so this year .

For my 29th, I did do a solo spa break and I did enjoy myself.

I guess I'm just having a moment and it's kinda bringing back like the lack of family I have and just my situation and having no one to celebrate with.

I know I will have a good time on this trip, but yeah I'm quite upset and having a moment, I'm actually really upset right now.

Would appreciate some words of encouragement to take the plunge and do this trip alone , and just from others who have been in similar situations and had a good time?

I've flown alone before to meet friends abroad before but this will be my first time fully solo abroad.

Thank you.

Hi OP have you considered doing a small group holiday or swimming/ yoga/ skiing/ walking etc retreat for some or all of the trip? My friend has done loads of long and short haul trips with Exodus and reports it’s a lovely small group of (mainly women)

My DSis also did a yoga holiday in Greece (around the time of her separation so she wanted to get away but was a bit wobbly about a solo trip). They did yoga in the mornings together and then afternoons free to swim, sightsee or whatever - some meals together but only if you wanted. Maybe something like that might be nice?

I'm sorry OP. I completely understand why you feel like this. I do think that it's quite difficult to get people to go away with you. It's partly because it's a big cost and most people are struggling at the moment. It's also the time commitment - many people have other commitments and pressures on their time. I sometimes have to say no to friends simply because I'm busy and I don't want to give away any more of my free time.
It's the same with Christmas - most people have plans.
However, just because you can't see friends at Christmas or for holidays doesn't mean you can't have lots of fun times with them. I'd focus on more frequent low key gatherings. Maybe invite people round for dinner. Who doesn't like to cooked for and it's a cheap night out for them. Go out for coffee, walks etc. You can get a real sense of supportive friendship and being loved just by doing lots of these small things. I have one friend I just walk around the park with once a month and this friendship is so valuable to me. I'm sure in the future you'll have people to go away with.

I used to like to do solo travelling pre kids. Have you considered doing a course or something along the way. When I went to Spain I learnt Spanish in the morning and scuba dived in the afternoon for a week in a place called Tarifa. I also did a volunteer course where you spoke with Spanish speakers in English; they put us all up in a lovely 4 star hotel in the mountains for a week and rotated you round. I went travelling/ sightseeing too but it was nice to break it up with social stuff.

Mexico is brilliant and a good place to go on your own. Do you have specific plans or are you planning to travel spontaneously. We may be able to help. Honestly I promise that you will come back from this feeling stronger.

I also would stay at home for my birthday to celebrate with friends then do the trip as a present to myself!

Thisssss I think is great advice! I've travelled alone and loved it, so liberating.

Hello, yes this is a good idea too possibly. Thank you.
I was thinking of maybe doing something before with people before the trip

Hello, awww that's very kind. I wouldn't mind the help! Thank you.

Well, I'm going to be going to Tulum, I've kinda just realised that all the plans I researched seem to be best done in a group, it seems?
I'm open to spontaneous plans but what I had looked into so far/was planning was :

• Like an activity day - horse riding in the Mayan jungle, zip lining, atv riding (quad bikes), Cenote swimming

• A day trip to Isla Mujeres , a catamaran tour (I think I can look into a shared option, not sure if I can do this solo?) with sailing /snorkelling

• Some relaxation time in Tulum, there are a few events and like things to do in Tulum I need to research further, but I was also told I can do all of the above there too

I'm staying in a spa resort which is all inclusive so plan to also get some spa time in

But yeah that's all I've got so far, other suggestions are welcome, I haven't planned much and have a few more suggestions I've heard about to look into

I spent my 30th alone as well. I was living abroad and I went to Thailand for a week. I spent some time in a fancy resort on an Island and basically just ate and drank and read books and swam and snorkelled and pleased myself. I am a bit of an introvert anyway but it was wonderful. Spoke to my family on the day itself but otherwise just pleased myself. I look back on it with great joy, not least because I have never been in a position to do anything like that in the nearly 20 years since.

So your plans sound like the ultimate in bliss to me! I hope you have a wonderful time.

I spent my 40th birthday alone in Berlin. At the time it was my favourite city in the world and I had a wonderful time.

I think it's a lot to expect others to come away with you, people don't have the money. But you can do local things with them maybe before and after your trip so you don't feel as alone?
To go NC with family is obviously for a serious reason so at least you'll have peace.. you will rock it, Mexico resorts are awesome apparently!

Going to somewhere like México on my own so I only have to please myself is my dream OP! Take some books. Do the activities you want to do. Sounds heavenly!

Thank you :)

Hi OP - you'll be fine, solo travel is liberating.

However if you do want company I'd very much recommend the gals who travel, female solo travellers etc groups on Facebook.

Hey! Yes I'm part of these groups on Fb already, have been for a while 🙂 I think I'll see how I go and ask for company depending, thank you x

Im really sorry you’re feeling this way, it must be tough! I obviously don’t have the background or know the severity, but it is a big birthday… could you use it an opportunity to reconcile with your family?

You also speak about doing quite a lot on your own, even a spa break. Are you close with your friends? Might be worth branching out and making effort when you’re not travelling to meet some new friends. Easier said than done but it does give you something you can focus on. If it really just comes down to affordability then celebrate here and travel after your birthday maybe!

Hope the thread has made you feel a little better anyway. All the best, I hope you have a lovely birthday regardless of what you choose to do x

I would like to advise you, if ever, you come across someone who is estranged from family, have respect and do not suggest reconciling.
It is very insensitive and quite frankly disrespectful.
There are clearly valid reasons as to why I'm not in contact with family and you do not know the history and what I have gone through.
Unsolicited advice on this is not welcome, and not what I asked for on this thread.

@Quirkyme Amen to your last post. I've been estranged from most of my family for over 30 years, for very good reasons. I'm in my mid 50s now and fed up to the back teeth with fucking ignorant idiots thinking that they know better than me and bleating 'but they're faaaaaammmmilllly'

Unless I ask for your opinion on it - and I never will - keep it to yourself.

@Quirkyme It was not advice at all and it was not a suggestion. I acknowledged in my post that I didn’t have the history and therefor could make no such suggestion. I merely asked you a question.

I’m sorry you read my post in any other way than with the kindness I intended.

Well done for being brave OP. I did lots of solo travel in my late 20s and early 30s, I met my partner in a hostel many thousands of miles away and we now have a 2 year old with a second on the way - so solo travel feels like a wonderful lifetime away.

Have the best time and be very kind to yourself. It can be hard but what you're doing is brilliant.

@Newmum0322

Same thing I said applies - don't ask the question. Read what I said again and change the words "advice" to "don't ask such questions" if you wish to be so pedantic.
Everything I said to you still applies.

And in asking, you are suggesting, actually.

Again, have respect, and take accountability.
That apology isn't an apology.
Either say a sincere apology, or don't apologise if you don't feel the need to but "I'm sorry you..." is not an apology.

Also wanted to ask, what did you do for your Christmases' alone?

Thank you, I will 😊

Sounds bloody lovely. Go and have a brilliant time. It's the things in life you don't do that you regret

It sounds blissful, op. Have a great time