To feel a bit sad - 30th birthday trip solo

[Quirkyme]

Hello, I'm feeling a bit sad.

My 30th birthday is in March and I plan to travel abroad.
Asked my girlfriends and had one that was up for it but today told me due to other financial restraints is likely unable to make it.

It looks like I'll be going by myself.
I'm estranged from family, have been for nearly 3 years now, and bdays have always mostly been special prior to estrangement, I guess sad because I didn't really imagine my 30th being alone.

I'm spending Xmas alone too - I did last year and had a Xmas solo break in Cornwall but I'm saving up for this bday so not doing so this year .

For my 29th, I did do a solo spa break and I did enjoy myself.

I guess I'm just having a moment and it's kinda bringing back like the lack of family I have and just my situation and having no one to celebrate with.

I know I will have a good time on this trip, but yeah I'm quite upset and having a moment, I'm actually really upset right now.

Would appreciate some words of encouragement to take the plunge and do this trip alone , and just from others who have been in similar situations and had a good time?

I've flown alone before to meet friends abroad before but this will be my first time fully solo abroad.

Thank you.

Ffs get a life troll.vs
Op,it's ok to be sad,for what it's worth I admire how you are willing to do things alone and not let it hold you back.

OP I've travelled very little, never really had a taste for it. So I'm useless so far as advice on that is concerned. I've been reading a long thread about people's worse holidays and lots seem to have been spoiled by travelling companions, and rain. So much rain.

The world is your oyster, I hope you will have a wonderful and memorable time, see things, try things, talk to people and spend time alone if you wish. So long as you don't lose your phone, keep it charged and have WiFi you will have your family and your friends in your pocket.

All the best.

Sorry to hear you are feeling sad :)

How lovely that you've planned an exciting trip away.

My 30th birthday is in March and I plan to travel abroad
had one [friend] that was up for it but today told me due to other financial restraints is likely unable to make it

So your friend would love to come but can't because s/he can't afford it?

The choice is whether to stay at home and be with friend(s), or to go abroad, probably alone.

So if you do go that sounds like choosing an adventure to me!

You could have a "birthday year". My friend did that and she arranged a year-round set of activities from going away by herself to a walk by the river with a friend - and each month she did something to celebrate and connect.

Is Christmas alone a choice? If not and you are sad about it, I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe reach out to friends and see if you can join them or even pop in for a short while?

I know someone who has Christmas alone every year and she does a bike ride on Christmas Day, popping in to various people. Sometimes she stays on the bike and just has a quick chat at the door, and sometimes she pops in for a chat (and mince pie). It's become her thing and people look forward to it.

I hear your pain about not having family around and there for you and empathise. You do deserve a big extended, engaged and engaging family and I'm sorry that you don't.

Loneliness is something humans share and it felt in a family, in a crowd and when alone so we can all relate.

So...

Lots and lots of self care especially tonight and over the next few days and when you're feeling tired or vulnerable.

To combat the lack of family and to feel connected and rooted think about some regular volunteering, and local community group membership - if you don't do that already and you think it would help.

And new adventures!

The choice is yours, stay home and celebrate your birthday with friends or off on another adventure! :)

"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well"
(The Optimism of Mother Julian of Norwich)

I was on a round the world trip for my 30th too OP. I think the poster who suggested you do something nice with friends at home first is a good idea & then go and have a lovely time on your trip! I turn 50 next year and plan to just do some small nice things with various people throughout the year!

Why don’t you book an organised tour or a holiday for single people so that you will have people to share the experience with. There are all kinds to choose from to suit all tastes. I did a Contiki tour of the Greek Islands when I was 29 and met lots of lovely people who became immediate friends. I enjoyed it more than when I travelled to a resort in Africa on my own. Although when I was in Africa, I booked lots of excursions and met people on those. And I did still enjoy that trip. You could also go to a well-being camp or on a hobby holiday where you learn a skill. So many fun options for travelling alone but not by yourself if you see what I mean. Re Christmas, I would ask round your friends to see if you can join them. I would never say no to one of my friends if they were at a loose end on Christmas Day.

Do you have a boyfriend you could ask to come on some of the trip if it’s too expensive to do it all?

I understand why you're sad OP.
I did similar though - tenuously it was for my 30th and I was also getting married a month later.
I went to Rome on my own and had a brilliant time!
I had a few cappuccinos and a croissant in the B&B each morning, marking on my tourist map all of the places I planned to see that day. Then I'd set off on a massive walk to visit them all. I walked about 25000 steps a day! I'd break up the day by having a coffee or glass of prosecco whilst admiring the architecture and watching the world go by. I loved being able to stop and take photos without worrying that DH was getting bored. During the evening I loved sitting outside a particular bar, surrounded by fragrant jasmine hedges, and sipping a prosecco before wandering off to find somewhere to eat.
It was fabulous 👌
I want to do it again next year - DH isn't fussed about France, but I'm desperate to go, so may book a few nights in Bordeaux on my own.

OP, definitely take the plunge. You may find that you enjoy travelling alone. My birthday thing is to travel to places I’ve never been to. It was usually with DH and children in tow. Once my oldest hit school and our youngest was old enough for nursery, I started going on my own and found I loved it and preferred it.

My best trips have been the solo ones because I only have to consider myself and what I want to do without having to worry about others and their needs or wait on them. I can choose to have small talk if I desire, can start my day as early as I choose, and change plans on a whim without annoying or upsetting someone. I’ve seen so many wonderful places that I don’t think I would have been able to see or appreciate as much if I had people in tow.

Would your friend be able to manage a break away in the uk rather than abroad? Even if it was just for one night somewhere. Just to mark your birthday and then you could still plan to go abroad on your own? Then you have the best of both worlds. I wouldn’t be able to afford to go abroad with a friend right now, but it would be more doable to do a night away here.

I think there are some very good suggestions here. I would plan to do something your girlfriends can afford back home at the time, then join an organised (singles) tour to somewhere really different shortly afterwards.

I think the advice from @Mummadeze about an organised singles trip above is really good OP- a great way to meet likeminded people!

Also, for Christmas, do your friends know you spend it all alone? If not, maybe mention it (they may offer to invite you, depending upon their circs).

Organise a nice dinner or drinks with your close friends locally and still go on the trip by yourself.
I did a fair bit of solo travelling in my 20s and early 30s and absolutely loved it - no one to answer to. Went away for months at a time and those trips are some of my most amazing experiences.
I have a preschooler now, so it’s not something I can do at the moment but plan to again in the future!

Embrace it OP! It sounds like you’re having a wobble because big birthdays can be emotional times where we look around, take stock of our lives and notice who is in them. It can be a lonely time, frankly.

You sound like you have good friends, in a good place to be able to afford to travel. Presuming your estrangement from your family is for a good reason, be proud of yourself for prioritising your wellbeing and setting boundaries there.

Hi OP. I'm sorry your friend has dropped out due to finances. Could you offer to pay for her (as it's your 30th)? Or, if it's too much money, just have a get together with your friends in the U.K. (either something cheap / easy for them to attend or cover the cost yourself) - and then go on the solo trip as well. Think of it as 'a solo voyage of self-discovery' (or something like that)! Make this your '30th year' and don't focus all on one day. Decide to do a few things in this 30th year that take you out of your comfort zone. I wish you all the best.

That sucks op. My 30th was in the midst of lockdown. Not 2ven allowed out of my house. It was pretty dire.

Honestly sounds lovely! I did lots of solo travelling in my late 20s and early 30s after I'd split with my ex and lost half my friends and remaining friends were mostly elsewhere or in couples. I did mostly book group tours and had the best time, including for my 30th (which I didn't want to spend on my own or with loads of couples in London). Looking back these were the best trips ever.

(And I fantasize about buying a camper van once DC have left and going off on my own. DP won't want to come!)

Can you invite your friends to dinner locally or a few treatments in the spa?
People are struggling a lot with bills at the moment, and I am sorry your friends can't make it. I would change the plans and not spend my birthday alone.

You have friends op, so why not tell them you are on your own for christmas? See if they can invite you over? Alternatively you can help out as a volunteer. We have lots of need for people to help others around Christmas. I would get involved in something worthwhile, and make new friends whilst you are there.

Do you want to talk about your family?
Milestones are tough when you haven't got the fairytale family set up, but do remember we are all born alone, and we all die alone and the rest in between is up to us. Creating your own 'family' of friends and neighbours and think of ways you can feel more at home in your community. A sense of belonging can be recreated literally anywhere with some thought

P.s just to echo what some are saying about organised trips or group activities.. it’s actually a great idea and something I’ve done. Depending on your interests and the destination, you could look into classes or a short course (art, cooking, yoga, horse trekking, snorkelling, diving?)

Go and have an amazing time! Where have you planned to go?
I'd have a dinner and drinks with your friends at home before you go and then enjoy your trip. You can get up when you want, eat what you want and go where you want. Take photos and record videos etc to share online if you're into social media.
I often spend my birthday on my own (DH was military for a long time) and I was never prepared to stop my enjoyment to wait for him to be back.

I mostly travel by myself as my friends all have kids and can't get away or I just want to travel by myself as I am taking my dogs or doing an extended trip - you will have an amazing time, plan some exciting things for yourself and go have fun! Something I always love to do when travelling solo is find a bar in a spectacular location - like in a castle on top of a hill, or just a rooftop with great city views - and have a drink there either to start or end my trip. Nobody cares that it's just you, and there's something about being in a lovely setting that feels wonderful.

For Christmas, I'd put together a box of gifts to yourself (for me, that'd be a couple of books I am excited to read, something a little indulgent like a candle or room diffuser that would normally be outside my budget and some edible or drinkable treats) and make the day a little different than normal. Definitely get out for a walk somewhere; and if you don't want to be alone, check out the opportunities for volunteering somewhere near you.

Also, remember this: everything changes. Always. Just because you feel alone right now doesn't mean this is forever. You don't know what's around the corner, but usually there's something great somewhere in the pipeline so do what you can to make the most of life in the meantime.

why does it suck? I did it for my 30th and still had the best time even though I only ended up going for five days instead of 19 due to the country shutting down because of covid. The best thing about going somewhere alone is you get to meet so many other like minded people. Whereas if you went with a friend, you’d be less likely to talk to others as much. Go for it OP and enjoy it!! 😊

I have travelled a fair bit alone. I did have moments where I felt sad about it, but also had amazing times I don't regret! In most places I got chatting to local people or other tourists who I'd never have chatted to if I'd been with a friend, and that was really good.

Personally I wouldn't go alone to countries where food poisoning and hassle from locals are commonplace though (eg India).

Money is tight atm. Why not have something cheap and local with your friends?

Echoing what a couple of pp said - can you book a group holiday as usually half of the group are solo travellers.
This is what I’m doing. Split up with ex and thought he’s held me back from going to interesting places so I’m doing it! Obviously just money holding me back but I’ve a list as long as your arm if places to go.

Hello, thank you for your words... I'm planning to go to Mexico 😊

@Quirkyme
Im so sorry to read this

However if going abroad isn't feasible for people why not just do something that's cheaper and more accessible to your friends??

I've just declined a 6 day hen do in Spain I just can't justify it