Should I lose weight to keep my husband?

[mumtokids]

I've been married for decades and have grown up children with my husband. Whilst our marriage has not been without its difficulties, I thought we were fairly strong. That aside, we've not been intimate for well over a year and my husband has finally confessed that he no longer finds me attractive because I've put on a lot of weight since we met. I'm nearly 50 and ill health and menopause have taken a toll on my waistline.
I don't think my husband will leave me but should I lose weight to please him? What if I can't lose weight or don't want to lose weight AIBU?

you Only ever lose weight for yourself.

if you don’t want to lose weight for you, lose the husband.

Do you really want to have sex? If not then I wouldn’t bother if you think he’ll stay anyway!

I personally wouldn't find my husband attractive if he put on a lot of weight, and I'd struggle to feel much respect for him if he couldn't respect himself enough to a least try and lost weight.

If you feel good about the size that you are, and you don't care about the lack of intimacy with your husband, crack on. Otherwise, see your GP to get some resources to start making the changes you need to.

No, lose the weight so you can have an affair.

How much weight have you put on?

Is your husband very much into his own fitness and looks?

Lose your excess weight by getting rid of hubby

I think this is a nicely balanced (realistic) response.

Oh come on for Goodness sake this is Mumsnet, you know exactly what the majority of answers will be 🙄

Many people if they are honest may find their partner less sexually attractive if they gain a lot of weight. But I don’t think you should lose weight to keep a husband, but because you want to feel better in yourself, if assuming you’re quite a few stone overweight.

Don't lose weight to please him, lose weight to please yourself.
I lost 3 stone just before I turned 50, and felt AMAZING!

I was thinking this 😂😂😂😂

m.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZO05w_S6Is

please watch this and try to think
logically. Your husband is clearly not appreciative of you

Well I wouldn't be attracted to my husband if he was overweight and I would be honest and tell him. Up to him what he does from there.

How much weight are we talking? A stone is very different from 5.

Over the years, it's gone up and down but age has definitely caught up with me now. I think there is more going on here than just my weight.

lol I honestly don't know so really keen to see replies.

It's not so much the weight in stones it's more about how it looks on me, you know saggy face, double chin, round middle all the ravages of age and gravity!

Some stupid replies.

He hasn’t criticised her or threatened to leave her, she says he won’t leave her. But he doesn’t have to find her attractive, or have sex with her, and he’s been put on the spot - “finally confessed” presumably after much questioning - and said why he isn’t. He’s not a cruel bastard, shallow or deserves to be cheated on.

OP, if you’re happy at this size and having a sexless marriage crack on. You ask what if you can’t lose weight but it doesn’t sound like you’ve tried so I wouldn’t start off so defeatist or there’s no point even considering things changing.

If you’re not happy then make some changes.

Agree. Ironically, he has changed loads too (put on weight etc) so it feels really one-sided and unfair.

No, not all. It really came out of nowhere. At least it felt like it came out of nowhere, however, he must have been feeling like this for a long time.

Did you point that out to him?

Tell him you will match him pound for pound lost.

Or he can stfu.

If you’re not happy with how he looks why not agree to make healthier changes together.

In that case you definitely know what the majority of replies will be...

Do not ltb.
Get some HRT and get a nice toy boy.