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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fed up of boyfriends "surprises" aibu?

67 replies

briddleyboo · 07/11/2022 18:57

We have been together 2 years next week.
I have taken 2 weeks off.
He surprised me with a week in the Canary Islands-we go next week.
We come back and the week after we are apparently going to Manchester Xmas markets for two nights
He doesn't ask me...he just books.
Flights /hotels etc
I feel like I'm not involved
I had no involvement in next weeks holiday
Now I'm apparently going to the Christmas markets.
Aibu to be annoyed?

OP posts:
TootsAtOwls · 07/11/2022 18:59

Have to told him it's annoying?
Is he generally a controlling person or does he think he's doing something nice for you?

ZooTropia · 07/11/2022 18:59

Tell him you cannot take more time off

LBFseBrom · 07/11/2022 19:00

I think you have to take it how he means it. He probably wanted to give you a big surprise. Go and enjoy, I doubt if he will repeat it. If he does it would smack of control but that would also show in other ways.

blubberball · 07/11/2022 19:00

Can you communicate your feelings with him and cancel it. Seems to be either a massive misunderstanding which could be resolved with a chat, or he's deliberately being controlling

youlightupmyday · 07/11/2022 19:01

YANBU

My DP.did this for 3 holidays in a row. I was so pissed off. Especially when the first one was to the same hotel in Thailand he got engaged to his fiance. I refused to go to that one and we changed it.

We still haven't ironed out holidays but it is much better now.

cunningartificer · 07/11/2022 19:01

Didn't you post earlier about how annoyed you were with the surprise holiday because you'd wanted to go to Christmas markets in your time off instead? Is he perhaps trying to please you?

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 07/11/2022 19:01

YABU unless you don't actually want these things. He sounds sweet. But maybe talk to him?

Original poster
briddleyboo · 07/11/2022 19:01

He thinks he is doing something nice.
I don't like to tell him otherwise....but at the same time I hate being surprised.
I like to pick hotels etc and not just be told where I'm going.

OP posts:
BobStrangeNameforaGirl · 07/11/2022 19:01

I think YABU unless you've discussed it with him and he's aware how you feel about it.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/11/2022 19:02

I do sympathise as for me the planning and choosing is part of the fun!

Maybe try to embrace these ones but then have a talk to him about how it’s nice, but you like to have a choice , control over your own life. If he’s a decent bloke he’ll understand.

Sarrah1 · 07/11/2022 19:02

I would love a surprise trip to Canary Islands, but if such surprises don’t rock your boat, did you try to tell him? Don’t suspect the worst, maybe he thinks you’d be happy if he arranges these trips for you?

Aquamarine1029 · 07/11/2022 19:03

If you haven't told him how you feel how is he supposed to know? He's not a bloody mind reader.

SpookyMcGhoul · 07/11/2022 19:03

"I don't like to tell him otherwise"

Well there's your problem. He's got no clue you don't like it.

Dollydea · 07/11/2022 19:03

I'd love it as a one off surprise but not for every holiday/break.

Can't you just tell him you appreciate the gesture but would love to plan & book the next holiday together?

girlmom21 · 07/11/2022 19:04

Have you had holidays you've planned together too?

HenBob · 07/11/2022 19:05

Yanbu that's so controlling, I'd hate it. Okay fair enough for a suprise milestone birthday or something (and in that case something you always wanted), but your joint holidays should be agreed and planned together, that's part of the joy!

Aquamarine1029 · 07/11/2022 19:08

HenBob · 07/11/2022 19:05

Yanbu that's so controlling, I'd hate it. Okay fair enough for a suprise milestone birthday or something (and in that case something you always wanted), but your joint holidays should be agreed and planned together, that's part of the joy!

It's not controlling if he doesn't know she doesn't like it.

KillingLoneliness · 07/11/2022 19:14

Well I think you are incredibly lucky! If you want more involvement in booking these trips then you need to have a chat with him

Freespirit42 · 07/11/2022 19:14

Sorry I just can’t scratch any sympathy for you your lovely boyfriend surprises you with a holiday so you don’t have the hassle of sorting it oh and you get to go to Xmas markets to? It’s like a brag but not do you realise how many ladies would love their partner to do stuff that’s sweet like this seriously as if that’s a big problem

quietnightmare · 07/11/2022 19:14

I'll go

1000yellowdaisies · 07/11/2022 19:14

Ffs is this a joke? The biggest issue you have with him is that he keeps booking surprises get aways for you.
I honestly cant see the point of complaining on here rather than just actually, you know, telling him it bugs you.

Freespirit42 · 07/11/2022 19:15

1000yellowdaisies · 07/11/2022 19:14

Ffs is this a joke? The biggest issue you have with him is that he keeps booking surprises get aways for you.
I honestly cant see the point of complaining on here rather than just actually, you know, telling him it bugs you.

I just wrote similar lol

mathanxiety · 07/11/2022 19:16

You have to speak up.

Otherwise how will he know you're not as excited to receive a surprise as he is to plan one?

Sit him down over a mulled wine in Manchester and tell him that for you a large part of the fun of going places is the research and planning, and you'd love to do this with him next time you both feel like a trip somewhere.

MattDillonsEyebrows · 07/11/2022 19:18

You need to tell him that looking forward to something is as much fun (sometimes more) as actually going!

‘Surprises’ like this are often more for the organiser to get feel good vibes about your reaction than any pleasure the receiver might get from going.

DH did it once for me, it came from a good place but I told him, whilst it was lovely, I’d have loved the chance to prepare what I wanted to take on the trip myself, and also to talk about how excited I was to be going with my friends and work colleagues!

Thankfully he’s not a bellend, realised I had a point and since then we’ve always discussed holidays.

MimiSunshine · 07/11/2022 19:19

Why did you ha e 2 weeks booked off, what were you planning on doing?

Either a) you agreed to book the time off to book a holiday, after which point he told you he’d booked it already.
or b) he booked it and asked you to book the time off afterwards.

if a) you say, “no thank you I want to be involved and choose so you’ll have to cancel it”.

or b) you just tell him the time off wasn’t authorised so he’ll have to cancel it and next time don’t book something like this without me