Fed up of boyfriends "surprises" aibu?

[briddleyboo]

We have been together 2 years next week.
I have taken 2 weeks off.
He surprised me with a week in the Canary Islands-we go next week.
We come back and the week after we are apparently going to Manchester Xmas markets for two nights
He doesn't ask me...he just books.
Flights /hotels etc
I feel like I'm not involved
I had no involvement in next weeks holiday
Now I'm apparently going to the Christmas markets.
Aibu to be annoyed?

This is the sort of thing that sounds romantic but possibly isn’t … particularly if it happens all the time. A one off surprise trip away is lovely but having all your plans decided for you won’t be fun after a while. The way this is written makes me think that this happens too often.

It’s time for a grown up conversation about how you really appreciate the effort but for the next trip, you’d like some input. It’s actually more polite to be direct, rather than sitting there fuming. If he takes it well then that is good. If he kicks off about how ungrateful you are and he’s just being ROMANTIC then this is about control.

I would love this.

YANBU to not like it, so long as you've told him.

I'd love it if mine did things like that, I get fed up of having to arrange everything with no one else giving any input. Can see it might get annoying after a while, though, as if you aren't in control of your own time. Also takes some of the pleasure of looking forwards to things away from you.

Yabu if you haven’t spoken to him about it.

Well in that case he isn’t a bloody mind reader! Tell him. You’re being unfair and ungrateful.

You’ve already posted about this

Don't worry. Mumsnet won't run out of space.

I understand why you don't like what he's done, but it's not really reasonable to expect him to know by osmosis. Talk, communicate more, either he's a reasonable decent person and he'll take what you said on board in which case talk to him or he's not in which case talk to him because the sooner you know the better. It will only get harder to have these conversations and break these patterns the longer you're together. Good communication and mutual understanding and consideration are essential to a good lasting relationship.

Once is cute and romantic. Every time is controlling.

Well it's twice, according to her OP, in two years. So what's that?

That wasn’t my concern

Everything is controlling nowadays. Fuck me, poor men can't do anything right.

YABU not to speak up and say you would like to be involved in organising and booking any holidays you go on together.

You sound moany

As someone else who isn't too wild on surprises, I think the following two positions can both be true:

"I'm really looking forward to going to the canary islands with you"
&
"I wish I'd been part of the process, looking for hotels, planning the activities and journey etc".

Could you have a talk with your boyfriend that includes both of these (if you are genuinely looking forward to going). Ditto Christmas markets. Alternatively something along the lines of "I really want to go places with you and have experiences, but I'll enjoy them more if they're things we plan together?"

The 'Gold Standard' here would be to be able to openly say to him that you don't like being told where you're going with no option for you to choose. But I completely understand that's perhaps harder to say and if you do like doing the actual activities with him then it's important to emphasise this too.

I wonder if he’s been told that booking surprises is “Romantic” so keeps doing it - a bit like a boyfriend running a bath for a girlfriend once is “Romantic” but doing it over and over is annoying

“I really appreciate your thoughtfulness, but am just someone who actually hates surprises. Please don’t plan anything else without discussing - I want us to make shared decisions about days out and holidays.”

YABU to let this go on for 2 years.