Fed up of boyfriends "surprises" aibu?

[briddleyboo]

We have been together 2 years next week.
I have taken 2 weeks off.
He surprised me with a week in the Canary Islands-we go next week.
We come back and the week after we are apparently going to Manchester Xmas markets for two nights
He doesn't ask me...he just books.
Flights /hotels etc
I feel like I'm not involved
I had no involvement in next weeks holiday
Now I'm apparently going to the Christmas markets.
Aibu to be annoyed?

Speak to him. He's trying to be nice and thoughtful.
Try and appreciate the effort he's making.

YABU to be annoyed and not say anything to him about it, use your words.

This would irritate me and I'd talk to him.

I really like spending time at home and I fucking hate it when DH makes loads of plans for us every weekend. We had a period where we were committed to something every day for literally 2 months and I lost it.

I had this - after an amazing surprise weekend away I sat him down and had an honest conversation, which went along the lines of firstly me thanking him profusely for the surprise.

But then I explained that part of the fun for me is the planning, the anticipation, deciding what to wear, what to take etc. I asked that in future he runs any ideas past me first, as I'd enjoy something all the more if I could look forward to it. He 100% understood and this is what happens now.

Exactly this OP. Just had a pleasant and open conversation with him

You need to talk to him as everyone has said. So he understands what you like and for longevity of the relationship so you're not just silently seething

YABU to not tell him that you don't like surprises and that you like to be involved in the planning of things like holidays.

You have said he thinks he is doing something nice for you. Many people would really love it. I would love it if my dh did all the leg work for a holiday for us for a change, for example.

If, after being together 2 years, you can't have a simple conversation to say "This is such a lovely thought, and I appreciate the work you have put in to planning this, but actually I am not keen on surprises, and I do really like planning trips. Can we plan our next break together ?" then I'm wondering what sort of relationship you have.

YABU - do the things and enjoy them. He’s only trying to make you happy, for Pete’s sake!

And at some point towards the end, when you’re both groaning about coming back to work, say how excited you’ll be to plan next year’s holiday with him. 😊

You really do need to tell him you'd like to plan the next one together. He could be forgiven for thinking he's doing something really nice for you. As someone who has organised every holiday in my 20 year relationship I would be delighted to be taken on a surprise break!

He thinks he is doing something nice.
I don't like to tell him otherwise....but at the same time I hate being surprised.

Well if you aren’t telling him you don’t like it he’s not going to know that.
I love surprises and surprise getaways, my husband and I frequently plan them for each other.
If you don’t like it you need to say, particularly if you are pretending to be happy!

@youlightupmyday That's a criminal offence, how insensitive of your DP

YABU to be annoyed with him for failing to read your mind. If you'd told him you hate surprises and that you'd prefer to plan trips together, and he still kept booking stuff with no discussion then that would be controlling. As it is, he probably thinks he's being romantic. I know quite a few women who complain that they always have to organise everything, that their DP's never do anything romantic or spontaneous and if they want to go anywhere they have to do all the research, planning and booking themselves. Maybe he's heard similar and thinks he's being a good boyfriend.

I’d be the same, I enjoy planning & researching where to go etc as part of the trip.

But if you’ve not told him how on earth is he supposed to know you’re not keen on surprises??

Just tell him, thank him for the trips but explain that you’d prefer to be involved in the planning another time, it’s quite a reasonable thing to say.

I would hate this as I hate surprises but he’s obviously not doing it to be an arse and is trying to do something nice.

I would very tactfully tell him that even though you’ve lived him surprising you, you want to surprise him in the future or plan one together.

I hate surprises but I also hate that he expects you to spend your holiday with just him when you may have wanted to go away with your friends or spend time with family instead, so I would have to say something.

Old pre kids me would have hated that as was a bit of a control freak. Post kids I would love that someone else dod ground work and took care of the planning

I'll swap him for my DH if you like :) I could do with a week in the canaries! and I've never been to the Manchester Christmas markets! 🤞🤞 In return, you can have my wonderful, tired, stressed but reliable and totally not spontaneous DH.

Sound like a deal?

(DH, just in case you are reading this! I do of course love you immensely and with all my heart, and wouldn't in a million years actually want to swap your lovely sensible self for exciting Christmas markets man, unless of course he happens to be Chris Hemsworth, in which case I might just have to think about it 😉)

Does he pay, or are you expected to give him the money for your half? that would piss me off, if he was basically deciding how I spent my money, and I would say so in no uncertain terms. If he's paying for everything it's tricky, but you need to pick your time and say you prefer to have input into your holidays. Either way, if you don't tell him, he'll think it's ok and keep doing it.

Is he paying? If he's paying I see no issue personally. If you get presented with a bill I see an issue. I would love free holidays without the stress of making sure hotel ratings are good and the right flights. I will go!

YABU if you have to told him how you feel
and that while you appreciate his efforts you prefer to be involved so you can both decide and plan together.

A surprise once in a while is nice but I would also get upset if he was doing it too often.

Yabu as you haven't communicated your feelings about this to him. I think its great he likes to surprise you, maybe you can meet him half way,.communicate what you like so he books hotels you'd like or he can surprise u with other things like flowers and not holidays.

Your incredibly lucky though to have someone who does such sweet things (even if u don't like it cos you haven't told him)

Tell him, not us.

Yanbu... he should should surprise you by telling you about his proposal and asking if you agree, he has no right to book big things like this without your involvement.

On the face of it it seems nice, but it is actually a bit controlling if it is a regular thing.

Imagine in the future he tells you he's bought a house as a surprise without any of your input!

Eek!

Ltb then send him my way

I'm sure I've read this before.!