To ask why you ended a friendship?

[poseformenow]

Or the other way around?

I had a childhood best friend who for no reason stopped wanting to be friends. As in I asked to meet up and she said she was busy every day for the next 3 months. I mean 😅. There must be a reason but she never elaborated. She cut a lot of people out over the years though.

I ended one because she kept asking me to do things, borrow her money, give her lifts. Then she cancelled us meeting up to go on a date with a man (a second date and she’d only met up with him the night before). But she didn’t cancel she kept saying 1 more hour. Reading back I was an absolute mug.

I had a friend who was closer than a sister to me; we loved each other so much and I put her on a pedestal. I would have trusted her with my life and with my life savings, no questions asked. We were both BM's in our friend's upcoming wedding when she was caught (on a couple's weekend away!) in bed with the groom-to-be. It drove a train into our other friend's life (who is a really good person), and into our whole friendship group.

She played the poor me card after it and tried to keep us all in her life by making us feel sorry for her, but it was like she had changed personality overnight. I could just never look at her the same way again.

Several years later though, I still miss the person I thought she was.

i was bridesmaid and organised a hen, i felt like a prop and realized she was actually a lot closer to another friend who she never really spoke nice of.

i sat and thought, we actually have nothing in common and if i met her now shes not really got any qualities that would make me want to be her friend.

this was last September after 15 years of friendship, i cancelled the one lunch we had booked in since and neither of us have bothered to try and rearrange.

@lovelypidgeon
She actually contacted me a few years later when DH and I were engaged suggesting that we all get together for dinner one night

This made me laugh 🤣 I can imagine them all sat around the table Bridget Jones style being the 'smug marrieds'. I'm always suspicious of people that only want to hang out with other couples as it's normally because they think a single person will be a threat to their (normally terrible) DH.

I have a friend I'm slowly phasing out at the minute as I've realized since the age of about 16 she disappears off the face of the earth whenever she has a boyfriend only to come bouncing back wanting to do girly holidays and meet ups between boyfriends. She's also "really bad on her phone" and it's become a bit of an 'oh what am I like' thing with her followed by the tinkly laugh. Yet when we meet up she always had her phone out messaging her partner. I just don't have the energy for anyone who can't have the brain space for both partner and friends.

Friend 1- because she just seemed to complain about me to me constantly. She was always extremely late too.
We were friends via our babies, became very close, but I ended 15 years later as it just wasn't making either of us happy. She didn't want that, but I did.
Friend 2 - her drinking started getting out of hand. She went from a social (very social) drinker to full on addicted. Her rudeness and selfishness just shone brightly eventually and I stepped away.
No regrets on my part.

She was in denial about being a alcoholic. I tried to talk to her about it so many times but she insisted I was making a fuss about nothing. We'd been friends since uni and I stuck it out for years, hanging onto who she used to be. But her behaviour on nights out became increasingly aggressive and generally awful. I felt responsible for her all the time. And she was completely self absorbed. She used to talk all the time about how much she loved me and loved that we were besr friends. But it got to the point I realised she barely knew me anymore because every single conversation was about her. When I told her I was getting married she didn't congratulate me, but immediately launched into talking about what a great maid of honour she'd be. I realised I didn't even want her at the wedding :(

It was a horrible conversation. She was devastated and there was no coming back. It was over 15 years and I still feel sad about it and wonder about where she is now and whether she ever got help.

I ditched one because she started flirting and sitting in some guy’s knee on a night out. I was good friends with her DH too. She basically invited me to a party and ditched me as soon as we got there so I hung around for a couple of hours and then went home. We were in our 50’s and 40’s so not youngsters.

Another friend phased me out but I didn’t notice at first and I kept leaving messages on her answerphone asking if f she was ok as she hadn’t returned my call. This was about 20
odd years ago. I have no idea why, I really liked her. I bumped into her three times over the years and we had awkward little chats.

I ended a college friendship as friend repeatedly made things up and loved to cause drama. She told me her boyfriend was dying in hospital but it was a lie.

Ended a few friendships after my divorce several years ago as the women in the couples we'd been friends with started to see me, newly single female, as a threat to them and their relationships and treated me badly as a result - spreading lies etc. I moved away from the area one day without telling any of them and never saw them again.

I met up with a university friend, who I hadn't seen for years. She told me in front a group of mutual friends that she thought I would never be a success in life.

Who needs "friends" like this

I phased out someone I was close to at university. He ended up in what seemed to be a very unhappy marriage. Every single time we saw them they would either having a blazing row in front of us, or spend all evening making passive-aggressive and very personal digs at each other. DH and I found it so awkward. I tried just spending time with him alone, but then he'd spend the entire time complaining about her, but was also very clear he had no intention of leaving. I'm not proud of it, but I just found it so draining I ended up seeing less and less of him until the friendship drifted away.

I also ended a friendship with a someone who was a HCP and got struck off for doing something awful. She'd told me she'd left the profession voluntarily to preserve her Mental Health, which I fully supported and even lent her some money to tide her over until she found another job. I found out the truth when I bumped into a mutual friend, it was so shocking I didn't believe it initially but I looked it up online and it had actually made the papers, that's how bad it was. There was no big confrontation or anything, I just blocked her and haven't spoken to her since.

im not proud of this , but I ghosted a friend when our children were small , she was incredibly controlling, and only wanted to talk about her failing relationship.

Ended a long friendship as found out that the friend was partaking in sex tourism . Never told her why I just was repulsed and backed off

I've just lost a friend, no idea why. It hurts, really hurts.
Met via work, but he left, had some stuff to sort out in his life. Kept in touch, we talked although not lots.
I left my job, got a new one, he specially asked that we keep in touch despite new horizons. One morning we talked, he was driving and going to some conference or another, I was waiting for another call. Usual conversation, thought I was supportive....?

But then he blocked me. Not a sound since. Texts undelivered even after a month. Voice message unanswered. I shan't chase, if he doesn't want to be friends, so be it. Can't believe how hard I've taken it though, mostly because he gave no reason. Did he want more? Did he back off? Did something happen that I don't know about? Did I say something he took the wrong way (if so I would have at least wanted to apologise). It's harder because no reason means no closure.

But of course, there's nothing I can do about it, except move on with my life.

If you drop a friend, at least tell them why.....

I ended a friendship once because she told her husband something deeply personal I had confided in her. I know this concept of ‘no secrets between spouses’ can be polarising on MN, but I had specifically said to her that I wished her to keep it between us, not even her husband, and clarified this with her, to which she agreed, before telling her. She then went on to tell him in front of me, making a joke out of it and saying “oh it’s only DH, don’t worry, he won’t tell anyone” and ignoring my discomfort. Before anyone suggests it was something traumatic that she needed his support with, it wasn’t, and she was telling him in a gossipy fashion, revelling in being the one to tell the tale. I walked out of her house that night and haven’t spoken to her since. I ignore the grovelling apology she texted.

I really despise the “oh I tell my DH everything” brigade, and think they are utterly shit friends with no integrity. If you want to tell him the size, colour and consistency of your latest shit, go right ahead, but you have no right to break a friend’s confidence.

Have ended two friendships.

First was in my late teens / early 20s. Good friends with a girl from school, we left school and she went into an office job, I went off to Uni. She was pregnant within the year and I just found we had nothing in common any more. She wasn't interested in my stories about what I was up to at Uni, I wasn't interested in her stories about sleepless nights and nappies. So much easier just to "lose touch" with people in the 90s.

Second one was about 10 years ago, a woman I knew through playgroup who had kids the same age as mine, she was good company, warm and friendly but the worst time keeper I have ever come across. Late for everything, disorganised, flakey, never responded to texts, never answered her phone. Got fed up with the flakiness of it all and instead just arrange to see friends who actually make arrangements and stick to them.

I have a friend who keeps talking about rehoming her dog. I am not sure I have any room in my life for someone that even considers that an option. She does have some health issues, but it seems entirely selfish rather than an inability to care for the dog.

It would help to hear what others think about this.

I promptly ended a friendship when I caught her sleeping with my very recent ex partner and lying about it.
It was the level of lies not so much the cheating.

I have done this too. Mostly slow fade for the friends who didn’t align. I have really tried with some friends - for example years of hosting - but I eventually realised I actually don’t enjoy their company. They just don’t light my fire.

We don’t agree on the big stuff - like the planet, politics, or parenting, and although I can avoid those subjects, we don’t even have the same likes and dislikes (in music or films or food or whatever). And on top of that I’ve slow faded a couple of friends where our personalities and communication styles are just vastly different. So being friends in those situations really difficult. These are people I’ve met as an adult when I’ve been open to making new friends - these days I’m a bit more picky with who I choose to maintain friendships with. I need to get better at having honest conversations though and explain this in person.

I lessened a friendship (not quite ended, but barely functional) because she asked a waiter to tell me I should have children, I would be a lovely mum etc...he died of embarrassment and I realised she really didn't understand me

I cut someone off completely. we’d known each other since being small and I kept forgiving her treatment of me. But when we got back in contact and one evening she did the same to my child with additional needs. It was like a light bulb had gone off, treat me like shit I’ll forgive. Treat my child like shit you’re dead to me. 2 years later I still feel same way.

I have a friendship petering out at the moment because I have realised she's got a controlling streak. We're very emotionally different.

About the dog rehoming, If someone makes sure the dog goes to a good home where dog can be happy, I can't understand seeing that as bad action. tbh, friend of DH's was going to hand his cat over to CPL with a large donation & I didn't see that as evil, either. Dumping animals in a random public space is completely awful, condemn that of course, but not proper rehoming. Proper rehoming is sane and can be entirely kind action.

We may have a mega-problem looming if we move and can't find anywhere that will take our cats. I have acquaintances who live on an old farm, it would be heaven for my cats (bringing home large rats daily, currently) to live there. Damn right I'm mulling over how we could get the cats to live there a while, and wouldn't be that bad if turned permanent move.

At a party at her house, her arse of a dh threw something across the room and it hit me right in the face, I was crying with shock and pain, all the guests were asking if I was ok, I looked up and saw she had this really weird look on her face, a sort of contemptuous smirk. I realised right away that she was not a good person, walked out of the party and ignored her from then on.

She kept trying to make contact with me and totally minimised the party incident as high jinks gone wrong. That was about 25 years ago, it was definitely the right decision.

That should have been 'a family member who said something she (i.e. the ex-friend) didn't like'.

Don't burn your bridges, I'm almost 50 and now friends with people I hadn't seen since school. Friendship should give you joy and warmth, and some 'friends' drain you. It's letting them go gently when they're not taking the hints that's tricky.

I have distanced myself gradually from someone I'd been friends with since beginning of high school.

She just drained me - I always felt like I was treading on eggshells, always apologizing for something, she always insinuated I was lying about stuff (even though I wasn't). She also made herself the victim in every situation, despite being the common denominator in a lot of circumstances - several of her friendships abruptly ended and it was always them and how awful they were.

She physically assaulted myself and a friend in 2017 and I stupidly forgave her after a period of not talking. Even that situation she now presents herself as the victim and makes me feel guilty that I stopped talking to her for a while afterwards. She claims she was spiked. Won't go too into it but she absolutely wasn't, was a horrible excuse to avoid responsibility.

Life is too short for that.

I lost a parent in an accident last year. My former friend became a grief vampire. She hadn't even met my family but told mutual friends she was also grieving!
She bugged me weekly; same time and day each week with either a voicemail or a text. She would occasionally turn up to my house and sit in her car on my driveway when I didn't answer the door. I replied to texts for a while saying I didn't want to talk to anyone and to please respect it and that I'd be in touch when I felt able. She showed no respect and started posting passive aggressive statuses on social media about finding out who her real friends were.
Normally I would have called her out on it but I was and am so utterly grief stricken that I quite simply didn't have the energy. So I changed my phone number and blocked her on social media.