Not sure whether to be a sahm or not

[Flowerpicker1]

Had 2 under 2. My maternity leave is now coming to an end following the birth of my 2nd dc. Neither dc are in nursery. DH is on a good wage.

Have been given the option not to return to work if I don't want to. Dh can cover us. It would be part not full time anyway.3 days.

Not sure what to do. On one hand I'd love to be there for all of my dcs childhood but on the other I worry if I would cope. We don't have any family or support nearby.

If you work would you rather be a sahm and not put your children in nursery? Or have you done this and loved it/regretted it?

What an ironically judgy post 🤣

Thank you for your perspective. I'm unsure why you offered it, but I thank you anyway. I must've needed a random stranger to shit on me and didn't know it. Thank you very much.

These threads are always so horrible. Everyone's prejudices, regrets, jealousies, irritants, superiority, etc. etc. all either chucked out in a diatribe of nasty condemnation or hidden behind the head-tilting, faux-concern and sly bullshit.

About 15% of posters engage thoughtfully and offer compassionate, intelligent debate, and 85% just want to stick the boot in and screech I AM RIGHT!!! in everyone's face.

I agree with you on the faux-concern and sly bullshit. It's deeply unpleasant and both sides are guilty of it.

@Walkaround was just about to say the same 😂😂😂

Topgub · Today 15:40
@@mantramama

Or

Let's tell them that both mums and dad's are equally responsible for childcare"

Yes well that's all well and good in a few scenarios. Not in all though. And there are many marriages where insisting on everything 50/50 that would be monumentally counterproductive.

How is this post judgy? There is some truth to it.

Oh, of course, it’s not remotely judgy to use hyperbole 😉.

Does anyone compare their adult kids with other adults and do a calculation as to whose mums worked or who did this or did that and when and where and other spurious notions? Does anyone actually think like this in real life? Are women this demented? Or do people generally just hope for the best really and be thankful for what they have?

Or, to put it another way, I’m not sure any posters on this thread are in a good position to judge whose children have grown up well adjusted and whose haven’t in any given group. There’s a strong argument to say that not everyone posting on this thread is particularly well adjusted themselves, given the extreme levels of condescension and aggression oozing out of some of the posts. It’s really not healthy!

This post is pretty judgy. You are hoisted on your own petard.

@blueshoes - no I’m not, because I am not claiming the moral high ground 😝.

You seem to operate a double-standard using emoticons.

There’s a strong argument to say that not everyone posting on this thread is particularly well adjusted themselves, given the extreme levels of condescension and aggression oozing out of some of the posts. It’s really not healthy!

And the above is not hyperbole? That is your previous definition of 'judgy'. Perhaps you can weigh in with sensible arguments rather emoticons.

@blueshoes - it is a sensible argument. Your condescension is getting the OP nowhere. Look towards the beginning of this horrible thread if you want to see the suggestions I gave the OP.

I'm inclined to agree. This thread sums up loads of MN threads at the moment. Spluttering argumentative yelling without any intelligent debate, and pointless and personal aggression. No one wants to listen. Everyone wants to be right.

If this was how my working life/stay at home life inspired me to communicate, I'd want someone to stage an intervention

I don't recognise any of this in the people I know and spend time with. It's not real life at all. It's barking mad and hardly anyone on this thread has any interest in helping the OP.

@mantramama

Only counter productive if you keep enforcing sexist structures

@Walkaround your earlier posts are far more sensible that your later posts which are getting the OP nowhere.

@LegoHeels

You think the op was genuinely looking for help?

Now that is barking

🤣

I do enjoy the smug I'm far too intelligent to get involved whilst getting involved posts though

I don't recognise what you say in other MN threads. This is a discussion forum with a diversity of views. Maybe MN is not for you.

In real life, not one person ever has passed comment on me being a SAHM. Not one person ever asked me if I will ever return to work and it never crossed my mind that anyone would be remotely interested. Most women I see day to day, I have no idea if they work or not. It is never mentioned.

I've been here for 15 years. I know my way around, cheers.

But yep. More pointless condescension. You're a stuck record.

I hope these women are capable of critical thought even if they are too polite to ask of you. It proves nothing as most people have filters in day-to-day life.

Do you go up to the working parent who has just rushed to the ft nursery that it is not ideal? Does not mean you do not think it.

Seems a little rich to dish it out but cannot take it yourself.

@mantramama

That's good.

Working mums are rarely so lucky.

What does this even mean? Most of your posts are just attacking, digging, criticising. You have zero interest in anything anyone says other than to take bits of it to blast another wall of words at another poster. It's negative, aggressive forum behaviour and turns threads into miserable fights.

Whatever your life experience is, if its led to this kind of interaction with other women, I'm not sure you should be dishing out quite so much of your particular brand of 'wisdom.'

I do not ask women whether they work or not in a context where they are clearly working e.g. colleague or in The City. When I was on maternity leave or between jobs, if I met another woman in the middle of the day or doing a school run in casual clothes, I would assume she was not working in paid employment. Mind you, lines are more blurred now that many women and men work from home. I don't ask my dcs' friends' mothers whether they work or not because if they did not, they would take it the wrong way. Yes, like I was judging them. So I don't ask. Not that it should matter anyway.

This is a forum where OP asks for views and she gets a variety of them. Hence we talk about it here.