To be livid that year 11 DS thinks 4-5 hours/week homework/revision is enough for GCSEs?

[Hotdaisies22]

DS in year 11. Bright boy but has always been poor at doing homework at home despite being well set up for it at home (quiet desk space etc). Does his homework at homework club after school -Mon - Thurs max 5 hrs week (thats only time homework club room is available at his school). We're having conversations that he now needs to up his game these next few months before GCSEs and start studying /revising at home extra time. Getting massive push back and causing a lot of friction. He thinks what he does is enough and no intention of doing more "at the end of a tiring school day" (he only has a 20 min journey to school). What are other year 11s doing? (I'm trying to have conversation with his school on this but so far they've been rubbish - no reply!)

Op I always think a carrot 🥕 approach is more motivation than stick 🏒.

Why not ask him what he really wants eg car , driving lessons, holiday..what you can afford, maybe 50 per x Grade and see if that would help?

Re X box time he needs to wind down and relax so again aknowleldge this and say he can play and do what he wants if he commits to X amount of revision.

Does he need tutors as well?

If my parents had spoken to me like this it would have made me feel really miserable and not motivated to do anything.

However if they had said driving lessons etc I would have felt motivated.

As an aside this may sound silly but does he know how to revise?
Does he have all that knowledge and some cards etc?

Could you ask him to revise then offer to ask him questions or something more engaging?

Livid? Good Lord go get some help to control your emotions.

YABVU.

You get in what you put out. I often wonder when people are comparing pay for different professions, whether they actually realise what kind of work went in to gaining qualifications.

Same goes the other way though. You can study for years and years to be a vet, cap out at 50k and work evenings/emergencies for the rest of your life or you can be like some of the rugby boys I went to uni with who made connections not grades, got a low 2:2 and are now earning a packet in bullshit finance jobs.

@Veryxonfused

Agree that past paper's are so effective for learning and they help focus child and get so used to the format that it really does becomes second nature.

And easy to identify gaps in knowledge.

I think he’s doing plenty and let’s remember it’s his life his future and his choice not yours, push any harder and you’ll get pushed back even further. Respect his decisions as they are his to make. I don’t put any pressure at all on my dd I tell her all she can do is her best and if she feels that she’s giving her best and an outcome she will be happy with then that’s more than enough for me

Oh my goodness. That is awful, that poor boy!

Yeah I would never bribe my DC to get good grades.

While there are exceptions, I think you get what you put in at GCSEs, A levels and later in uni. My non-hardworking DC is now realising her options are limited and is putting her head down to work harder. I wish she had realised it sooner.

YABU to be livid

YABVU to resent him for sacrifices you made and expect more of him

It's his call. All you can do is encourage. He probably has a better idea of what he needs to do to achieve what he needs than you do.

Will he achieve enough to progress to what he wants to do next? That's all that matters.

As a youth worker I think your right to expect more from him. Especially since you have put him private school. BUT you still need to help support him as the great majority of young people have no idea how to plan their time and how to actually revise. It feels like an impossible task for them and adults alike. Sit with him while you both make a fair timetable for after school and weekends for equal time relax and revision. Break down the revision for what subject on what day and then Break down each day into what he will actually be doing with the revision time ie past papers 30mins. Working through revision work book 30mins reading notes etc. while doing this really listen to issues and concerns he brings up- there maybe other reasons/challenges/obstacles why he is struggling that you can support/fix. I've seen it so many times. Parents that help remove barriers and work hand in hand with their young person will get better results. Just leaving it to the young person is effectively dumping them in the deep end when gcse results have such an impact on later opportunities.

true - I didn’t even think of that when I posted. I don’t think. I did anything outside of school at this stage if I’m being completely honest.

@MichaelFabricantWig

At the DC’s school, they are expected to have evidence of the revision hours they’ve been doing and can be asked to produce this. We as parents are alls expected to sign a diary to say that the required amount has been completed.

You get in what you put out. I often wonder when people are comparing pay for different professions, whether they actually realise what kind of work went in to gaining qualifications.

I‘m a lawyer and have excellent qualifications, as you’d expect. Know plenty of people who have achieved way less academically who earn way less than me now. Exam results and academic excellence are only one very small part in a large jigsaw.

To be honest a cousin of mine,I remember sitting at a dinner she was saying how her son didn't seem to want to work at school and how she pushed a d pushed and pushed him!
She was going on and on and on....I tell him this and that and point out xby X.

He's also got massive mentally health issues, huge anxiety problems, scared of life.

I know it's hard when teens can't get perspective but there are ways and means of tackling it.

My DD is definitely doing more than 5 hours extra work a week but then they have mocks in November and those results will be the predictions for the GCSEs that will go on her application forms for Sixth form college so actually are quite important for her. Plus the consensus at her school seems to be that the more work you do now, the less the panic next April/May.

What does your DS want to do after GCSEs OP? My DD needs 6s for a couple of the Alevels she wants to do so that's her incentive. There's no point in being livid but I can understand a bit why you are if you're paying for his school and he's not taking every advantage of it. Presumably you're not mad enough to pay for him to stay on for Alevels.

I don't know why posters are talking about how they did very little revision and got all 8s and 9s. The OP's son doesn't sound like that applies to him.

Who earn way MORE than me now, that PP should say!

My concern with doing this much work now is that there is nowhere to go in the weeks before the exam, and not much wriggle room for the step up to A Level.
I think you need to do about twice as much work for A Level, maybe depends on the subjects, so you'd be looking at 6 hours each night and 8 at weekends to keep apace.
My DC is very clear what he wants to do next and what he needs to get to achieve it. So he is focusing his revision more on the subjects he wants to take further. I wish he would do more than he is doing now (he does around 5-7 hours a week, probably not all that good quality revision either), but we do have the opportunity to ramp up February to May, so he is not tired or burned out by the time that actual exams come around.

My DD is year 10 so just starting GCSE studies. We have had an information meeting with the school and they are advising between 8 and 12 additional hours per week.

You sound like my mother when I was doing ‘O’ levels many years ago. Private education and expected to be eternally grateful. She too forced me to study, no pocket money etc as threats, and it made my school days the most miserable time of my life.
I didn’t do particularly well so that was a stick used for pretty much the next 50 years.
For goodness sake back off.

Fine, but how do you actually know though? My kid could say he spent 3 hrs studying x y and Z and there’s no way I could challenge or prove he had or hadn’t.

If my child needed to do 22 HOURS a week of study on top of school to get decent grades, I'd be pulling them out and sending them elsewhere.

That's the sign of a shit education to me.

It's only November. A focused hour per school night is plenty, at this point.

If my child needed to do 22 HOURS a week of study on top of school to get decent grades, I'd be pulling them out and sending them elsewhere.

That's the sign of a shit education to me.“

Quite. Inappropriate and unhealthy on top of a full school week.

Livid is OTT.

Well said

Especially if I was paying for it!