To think DD will ‘get’ being dry at nighttime if I give it some time?

[Amzy22]

DD will be 4 next month. She’s been fairly reliably dry (except for the normal ‘I’ve left it to the last minute because I don’t want to stop playing’ accidents) in the day for a year and 2 months. She has been in pull ups since for overnight. We both (her and I!) don’t function well on poor sleep, so I’ve been happy to leave nighttime training, and the pull ups are usually wet in the morning.

However, for the last few weeks DD has been increasingly upset about wearing a nappy overnight. Tears at bedtime, very reluctant, saying she wants to be a big girl and use the potty. She’s a very switched on and articulate girl, so it just didn't feel respectful not to listen to her wishes on this, and last night we ditched the nappy.

DD slept through and had done a decent wee in the potty first thing in the morning. However she was also pretty wet, and so has also had an accident in the night which I think she just slept through.

I’m aware that some kids need to be older to have enough hormone to stop weeing etc, so am now torn. She doesn’t want to go back in a nappy, but I don’t want her to be sleeping in wet PJs every night. Is it worth persevering in the hopes she might ‘get’ it after a week or so, or is she just not ready?

I should add - for the aforementioned issues with managing poor sleep, I’m not keen on the ‘lifting’ approach.

YABU - she’s not ready, get the pull up back on!
YANBU - she will get the hang of it with some time!

Thanks 🙂

One of mine was 8 before he was dry at night, though he'd been dry during the day since he was just turned 2.

I really wouldn't expect her to be dry until you start getting dry pull ups. It's just going to make a lot of work for you.

My DD has only just got it and she's 6 1/2. Totally normal. It is tough though.

Pea pod mats are AMAZING (but you need two to let them dry after washing)

I’d stick with pull-ups. Can you try explaining that it’s just when her body grows a little and it’s nothing about her behaviour to reassure her?

She’s not ready. My DD was about 5 and my DS was 8 (and we had to use the electric buzzer thing to jump start him!).

If she's not waking up to pee, and not able to stay dry either, I'd say stick to pull ups or get a peapod/therapee mat for the bed. It wil likely cause more distress, not to mention skin irritation, to regulalry sleep in wet pjs on wet sheets.

If your DD understands its not her, just a matter of waiting till her body is ready, you could always try it for 2 weeks and see what happens. But don't turn it into an issue of itself

Is nighttime training a thing? I thought overnight was to do with hormones and there's not a lot you can do about it. Might be wrong though.

With my first he was dry overnight within a fortnight of being dry through the day. DC2 needed a lot longer at night - he's also a heavy sleeper, unlike DC1, so would sleep through accidents. It took nearly 2 years for us to stop using nappies overnight for him.

I would just be explaining to DD that it's nothing to do with being a big girl and that she needs to keep wearing them for now.

You really can’t choose when they’re dry overnight, nor can they! It just happens. If she’s not waking to wee then she’s not ready.

Kids can't wake up because they need a wee until their bodies produce a hormone that alerts them. It's not unusual for a 4 year old not to have that that yet. I believe that the medical profession don't investigate until the child is over 6.

Anecdotally my son were over 5 before they were ready for no night nappy. There wasn't any social issues as sleepovers started at 6+. Are you using pull-ups that have babies on the packaging? When my kids were using pyjama pants, the packaging had older kids and it was based on age (smaller size being up to age 7 iirc) so it was less babyish.

Think about what she's having to drink in evening. Generally having just a small amount to drink after 6pm ish is advised & if has blackcurrant juice to cut these out (can stimulate the bladder & make accidents more likely.) ERIC website has lots of advice for different stages/issues with TT

Where has she got the idea that being dry at night = big girl?

Explain to her that it is not about being a big girl; that it is about chemicals in her brain that do not wake her up when she needs a wee. That she is a big girl but till this rights itself - which it will do in time - she cannot help it, and you understand that.

Ask her what she would like to do about it - would she like you to wake her for a wee? (I know you are not keen, but giving her some choice/control is a good ploy), keep wearing pull-ups for a while or just wait it out with nothing. I know you have your preferences but giving her choice will mean she feels like a big girl - which is what she wants.

I think you need to try and source some 'grown up pull ups' (just a different brand or some with a picture on, or get her size 6 ones and tell her that that's the age and actually she's quite grown up because she's wearing 6 year old pull ups).

Also, explain the hormone issue to her, her body isn't ready yet, she's not supposed to be out of nightime pull ups yet because she's too young. Her body will let her know when it's ready.

Thanks that’s my thinking too. When we chatted she didn’t seem at all aware of when the accident happened. I’ll have a look at peapods- although we had a disposable bed mat on last night meaning the sheet wasn’t too bad, but her PJs were all wet. She has issues with sensitive skin sometimes and being wet won’t help it 🤦‍♀️

Yes she’s a pretty good sleeper, rarely up in the night usually (and we certainly know the next day if her sleep has been disturbed!) so I am thinking she’s just deeply asleep and oblivious.

Did you just give it one night? I'd try a week before giving up - let her body make the connections.

You say you don't like lifting due to disrupted sleep, but ime it doesnt. You do it when you go to bed & carry them to the loo, they barely wake. I don't think it helps get them properly dry as such but it can resolve the issue of not liking the pull up while growing out of it.

Are you cutting out squash & any drinks after 5pm?

Don't worry though, she'll get there.

You cant night train her its to do wurh a hormone kicking in ,i have a dissbled child who was dry at night about two years before we got him out of nappies at 9 or 10 during the day.

Yes that’s a good idea. I might look at other style of pull ups; unfortunately she’s very small for her age so might be limited as to whether some of the more ‘grown up’ nappy pants will be too big! Her size is another reason I’ve wondered whether she’s ready to go without overnight, but felt I had to at least give it a try.

Where has she got the idea that being dry at night = big girl

Its not hard to figure out. Mummy and daddy don't wear nappies at night and neither do older children, whereas babies always wear nappies. Its a completely natural connection that not needing them is linked with growing up.

Thank you - she’s not a big drinker generally and it’s pretty much water or milk only, but am trying to get her to drink more in the morning.

Personally I would just put the pull up back on.

My eldest son was dry throught the night by 18 months.

My daughter was aged 9. She had a pull up on every single night and it was always wet. She didn’t like wearing the pull up but didn’t want to be soaking each morning either. She’s 11 now and has never wet since.

My son is aged 7 and still wears a pull up. We have been here before with DD so we just roll with it. I think there’s something genetic going on as my sister was aged 9 when she was dry.

We have never made an issue of it or tried any strategies.

Thanks, she is pretty strong minded so the idea of choices might be good.

We haven’t explicitly talked about her being a ‘big girl’ with no nappies; in my job I work with a number of children who still wear nappies well into school age so I’m always careful with my language around that as wouldn’t want her to think anything is wrong with that. She talks about some children in preschool being in nappies, and I’ve talked about how all children are different etc. I’ve also referenced that some big kid’s bodies aren’t ready overnight etc so will revisit that with her if we go back to pull ups.

We have talked about ‘big girls’ not having dummies as I’d really like to ditch them…ironically she doesn’t want to do that but does want to ditch nappies which I’m less bothered by lol 🤣

This. It’s come a bit out of nowhere so think she made the link to nappies being for babies herself.

Ds was nearly 7 before he was dry at night. We used pull ups until he was dry in them.

I just had them in pull ups until they were reliably dry. That was about 6/7 for my eldest from memory. 4/5 for my youngest. I made literally no comment about it. It wasn’t even in the top 20 of things that bothered be at that time and it was similar for my friends and their children too.

Thanks for all the messages. I think it’s just confirmed my gut feeling that she’s probably not ready to be dry overnight. I held off but felt we had to at least give it a go to respect her wishes. I think we’ll give it a few more days so that we’ve given it a ‘proper’ chance then maybe try a more grown up style nappy pant.

I did get some washable training pants we could try but they’re not designed to absorb/wick away really so she’d still end up sleeping in wet clothing.

My son was 5 before he was dry at night. It was 50:50 if his pull up would be wet or not in the morning.
I think my son was just used to the pull up being there and would wee in his sleep as he always had been able to.
We chatted about it and decided an arbitrary date when he would be getting rid of the pull ups.
Our bedtime routine is big wee, brush teeth and then (recommend by a nursery nurse friend) have another wee and ‘turn his Willy off’ along with some ‘beep boop’ noises and poking imaginary buttons on his tummy.
Hes been dry ever since, apart from maybe two accidents over the space of around 6 months, which I don’t think is bad going at all.