To think DD will ‘get’ being dry at nighttime if I give it some time?

[Amzy22]

DD will be 4 next month. She’s been fairly reliably dry (except for the normal ‘I’ve left it to the last minute because I don’t want to stop playing’ accidents) in the day for a year and 2 months. She has been in pull ups since for overnight. We both (her and I!) don’t function well on poor sleep, so I’ve been happy to leave nighttime training, and the pull ups are usually wet in the morning.

However, for the last few weeks DD has been increasingly upset about wearing a nappy overnight. Tears at bedtime, very reluctant, saying she wants to be a big girl and use the potty. She’s a very switched on and articulate girl, so it just didn't feel respectful not to listen to her wishes on this, and last night we ditched the nappy.

DD slept through and had done a decent wee in the potty first thing in the morning. However she was also pretty wet, and so has also had an accident in the night which I think she just slept through.

I’m aware that some kids need to be older to have enough hormone to stop weeing etc, so am now torn. She doesn’t want to go back in a nappy, but I don’t want her to be sleeping in wet PJs every night. Is it worth persevering in the hopes she might ‘get’ it after a week or so, or is she just not ready?

I should add - for the aforementioned issues with managing poor sleep, I’m not keen on the ‘lifting’ approach.

YABU - she’s not ready, get the pull up back on!
YANBU - she will get the hang of it with some time!

Thanks 🙂

Wait, your 4yr old has a dummy?! If she wants to be a big girl, I'd focus on getting rid of that, she's about 3 years too old for it! It's perfectly normal to not be dry at night until 7 or 8.

You can teach it. If she's not producing the hormone she won't wake up.

Put the pull ups back on and call them big girl nighttime pants.

She will be dry when she produces the hominem and not before.

The GP won't be concerned till age 6/7 so you shouldn't be either.

First sentence should have said 'can't'.

Dd was like this, in fact she's nearlyb13 and still doesn't wake - she just eventually learned to hold it. Pull ups are best as it saves them needing hair washes etc in the morning and saves duvets etc. I'd challenge the 'big girl' idea. How come at 4 she's using a potty though?

Well no because she's not waking up. She's just lying there asleep on wet sheets in wet pj's so not learning anything

Don't wake her up! If you need to wake a child who you are night training then they are not ready. Except if you are going through a specific programme for an older bedwetting child or there are some medical issues. I'd try again for a week every 6 months or so, and not make a fuss about it in the meantime. Age 5 or even 6 is completely normal for dry at night and even throughout primary some bedwetting isn't unusual although I think that's more common in boys - happy to be corrected. She might even just do it for herself at some point. One of mine pretty much did.

You can teach it. If she's not producing the hormone she won't wake up.

No, the hormone concentrates the urine. Waking up depends on how deep the sleep.

My two were 2 and a 1/4 when that went dry. Just did. Way they were made, and my good fortune.

I'd try lifting at your bedtime and give it a week. If she's not dry most days out of that then she's not ready.

To be honest, breaking the link between being a big girl and wearing a pull up at night will be helpful.
I still put mine (5 and 8 but he was late to be dry at night) in a pull up if we go to a hotel or caravan. They don't really need them but it saves worry when they are over tired and not in a familiar room.

Same with younger one on long car journeys where she may fall asleep.

So them accepting that part of being a big girl is knowing when they might be needed as a 'just in case' is very handy

Don't wake her up! If you need to wake a child who you are night training then they are not ready.

i would have agreed with that until I reached an age where I couldn’t go the whole night without needing the loo - and I only sleep 7 hours rather than 10 to 12! Depends if you can be bothered or not. A friend did it as she had 2 kids close together and the younger was dry at night. She lifted her elder child at her bedtime then he could go the rest of the night without wetting.

I'm a firm believer that it happens when they're ready, when the hormone kicks in. My son wasn't dry at night until he was nearly 9. I didn't stress about it at all. I know parents of 4/5 year olds who stress about it but I just knew it would happen eventually. Sure enough the night weeing became less and less frequent until it eventually stopped. My son was happy to wear a nappy/pull ups. If he hadn't been I suppose I'd have been doing a lot of washing!

Yes, the link between ‘big girl’ and being dry hasn’t been something we’ve drawn (see PP).

To clarify re potty, she does use the toilet most of the time with a seat and step stool - it’s not the easiest to use independently, as it’s annoyingly high and square (not our choice) and she’s a super mini near-4-year-old (2nd centile and still in 18-24 months clothing!!). It’s also our only one and it’s upstairs. Therefore we also have a potty tucked away downstairs, and have put one in her bedroom for easy access at night and she’s completely independent with those.

Winter isn't a great for nighttime training unless your home is well heated.

I'd leave it until Spring especially if she is tiny, you don't want to be stripping off wet clothes and sheets when it is cold.

Ah - there have been times when being able to "turn a willy off" would have been most helpful!

Just a quick update - we have gone back to a pull up overnight tonight (in the form of ‘big girl pants’ which are basically pull ups with different less babyish designs on!). We chatted about whether she wanted to try another night without but she decided she didn’t; don’t think she liked waking up all wet bless her; I honestly don’t think she had any idea until morning as she would have come and woken us.

On top of that she woke up streaming with cold so could do without anything interfering with sleep tonight!

Bearing in mind my reservations about her being ready, I’m really happy to leave it for now and revisit again later down the line (much rather put efforts into operation ditch the dummy lol!). Thanks again for the messages though, they were really helpful in clarifying my thinking. It’s amazing how much of an ongoing issue being dry at night is for so many kids!

DS had this. We had the problem that he would wee so much tht i had to put on 2 nappies and set an alarm for the middle of the night to change him in his sleep. Otherwise he would wake up wet even with the nappies.
It became too much of a hassle, so we just left the nappies off. I took him to the bathroom when i went to bed once, but he would wake up wet in the morning. This only lasted about a week though, then he was suddenly dry over night.
My mum didnt trust it and still put him in nappies at her place for about 6months after he was dry at home. His nappies were always soaked, but when he wasnt wearing any he was dry.
If you do try again after some time, stick with it for a bit. Sometimes they need to get used to it.

Awh bless.

At least she gave it a go.

It's a terrible time of year for nighttime training, no-one wants to wake up on the dark cold nights all wet.

Buy some plastic under sheet and try at Spring time.

Dd1 is 12 and is now on desmopressin to stop night wetting. She was in pull ups every night up until 6 months ago. She has had bloods, appointments with a paediatrician and it's just a case of riding it out. The medication has stopped the bed wetting. She missed a tablet 1 night and soaked herself. I believe it's a certain hormone that needs to kick in to stop night wetting and the age it happens varies widely. Dd2 was night dry well before starting school. I never made a big deal out of dd1 wearing pull ups and only sought medical advice when she started to get embarrassed about wearing them.

My parents used a buzzer on us in the 80s and I think it's child cruelty.

I told my polish ex about it and he said it was incredibly disturbing, my parents were insane and he didn't want to hear anything more about it

I’m aware that some kids need to be older to have enough hormone to stop weeing etc, so am now torn.

All kids need the hormone OP, not some kids, all kids. Yours hasn't started to produce it yet. She will in time, so chill.