To be intimidated by FIL turning up at door.

[Ray92]

My FIL turned up at the house today, knowing I'd be on my own with 6m DD. I'm only on my own two days a week and he knows this.
For context, we aren't speaking due to how he and MIL treat my DD and because he keeps asking DH (his stepson) for money.
He came to ask for money, in a roundabout way. Saying how poor they are and he can't get more work. How DH owes his a holiday and money.
I felt intimidated as we have next to no relationship and no one else was there. DH has FIL blocked.
Am I being unreasonable? Or was he trying to intimidate me?

Don't let him in.

I hope you didn't let him inside??

He was definitely trying to intimidate you. What an unpleasant man.
Obviously tell DH, and together, tell FIL that he never does this again.
If you feel threatened, call the Police. Seriously. Stay safe.

Am I being unreasonable? Or was he trying to intimidate me?
Sounds more like he was trying to manipulate you.

Unless you genuinely feel he is such a wrong-un that he's risk scaring his own son's wife?
Have you spoken to your husband about this yet, or is he out of contact?

Try not to let this unsettle you. Your FiL was probably just hoping you'd prove a softer touch than his son. If he comes round again, you are not obliged to engage with him. (Do a MN Classic & don't answer the door!)

Yep, it does sound like intimidation. Keep your door locked from now on, don't let him in and don't answer him if he calls at the door again. You don't owe him anything, especially if you are concerned about his treatment of your DD and he's pestering you for money. It's not your problem. Hugs though OP, that must have been stressful.

He would have known you were alone and what other reason would he have to visit? Next time don’t engage at all. Just tell him you aren’t involved and don’t wish to get involved.
Don’t be afraid to call the police if he doesn’t leave immediately.
Meanwhile have a nice cuppa and distract yourself with a podcast while you tend to your sweet DD

Absolutely do not let him in.

Can you afford to get a Ring doorbell so that you can see who's approaching the house?

BTW get a door camera so you can check who is there on your phone and see who is at the door

YANBU. Why does he think your DH 'owes' him anything?

Why does he think your DH 'owes' him anything?

I wondered that myself - he may be completely in the wrong or there could be more going on here, but there's not enough information to know

And what's MIL's position in all of this?

I wouldn’t even open the door. Hope he didn’t manage to get inside or get any money from you.

Perfectly reasonable to call police if it happens again

Did you let him in?

How DH owes his a holiday

Can you explain why he thinks this?

What do you mean by how they treat your daughter? your baby daughter?

Tell me you didn’t let him in and give him money.

You tell him loudly through a closed front door that you're not letting him in. If he has any questions or queries he can contact his son. In the meantime if he doesn't leave, you will be left with no option but to contact the police as he is harassing you.
Then contact your local police station and report that there is a man at your door who is harassing you and your baby. You are at home alone and you have a little baby there too. You're afraid and you would really appreciate it if they could send a car around.

That's what I would do - based around the fact that your DH has blocked his father, so clearly doesn't want to have anything to do with him.

Sorry, more context.
FIL won a large sum of money and gave each child a small sum of money as a gift before I was with DH.
FIL spent all the money and gave up work so this year asked DH for the money back. DH took out a loan without me knowing to pay FIL. So I found out about the loan and was very upset. DH blocked FIL as he was sending nasty messages about money BUT I have seen the bank statement showing husband has paid FIL the money in full. But now he's asking for more and a holiday that he was apparently promised for his birthday.

He started asking for money when we bought our house, which I paid the deposit for and is a nice 4 bed. I think he thinks I have money, which I don't I just lost a lot of family early in life.

I answered the door because I'm a fool. I felt intimidated and honestly frightened but I have ptsd so I can't always tell if I'm being OTT or not.

How did you get rid of him?

You are not being unreasonable.
Im sorry that he turned up like this.

I answered the door because I'm a fool. I felt intimidated and honestly frightened but I have ptsd so I can't always tell if I'm being OTT or not.

Take it as given from all of us that you're not being OTT. FIL sounds a nasty piece of work. Please don't answer the door to him again. And if you can't help answering because you don't have any way to see who's there, slam it shut and lock it as soon as you see him.

I assume your DH will have something to say to him when he's home.

You’re not being unreasonable here, your fil knew what he was doing

now, you know the truth, you know what he’s doing and why.

next time you don’t answer the door, you call the police and tell them to tell him to stay away from you

dont even blink on this, just do it. He’s a vile bully and he adds nothing to your lives

you know he’s has his money, so he can fuck off to the far side of fuck if he thinks banging on your door will result in anything other than a police warning

Yanbu, he sounds unhinged like. Who takes back a gift like that. I would ignore him next time. Your dh needs to let him know never to do that again. Try get the ring doorbell if he turns up again.

Never ever open the door to this man again.

You have paid a deposit, did you ring fence it?

If not, why not?

Your husband was VERY dishonest to take out a loan out without telling you.

Total deal breaker.

It sounds to me that you have married into an awful family.

You should consider telling your husband to text his SF and say you will be contacting the police if he ever comes to the door harassing you for money again.

OP, be careful, your husband is very dishonest to do what he did and Inwould no longer trust him.

You are not a fool OP - I would have likely done similar, I get you.

HOWEVER, you now know that FIL does have the ability and clear intention to come over to try and manipulate you to further his pressure against yourself and your husband.

Opening the door to him this time could solidify in that in your mind, if there was any doubt before about his intentions for coming round. Now you can leave the door locked and unanswered guilt-free knowing he is coming round to try and manipulate you. He can't say "oh, but I wanted to see DGD" as you already know that wasn't what he did when he came round before.

I recommend, as others have suggested, getting a ring doorbell. This is for your own safety and also so you can see him approaching so know not to answer the door. It also gives you proof if needed that he was there, incase he denies it (not out of the realms of possibility).

Best wishes OP 💐

Never, ever let him in again.