To not know how to handle this? DDs and food/weight

[dutchmanhattan67]

Posting here for traffic, I'm at my wits end and DP is leaving it all to me.

DP's DGD is 3 years older than my DD- we had DC at completely different life stages! DD is with her dad one night a week and EOW, with us the rest of the time. We have DGD and DGSs from one of DP's DC overnight regularly. Usually 1-2 nights a week but sometimes up to 4.

DGD has been referred to CAMHS eating disorder services. No diagnosis yet but lost a lot of weight, restricting food, struggling with body image etc.

DD is overweight and currently has a really awful relationship with food, and I'm finding it harder and harder to support DGD when she's here without feeling like I'm failing her. DD's dad is useless and feeds her rubbish when she's with him, so I really do need to be trying to tackle her weight while she's with us. Ideally without making her aware of it. Both of them have issues with portion sizes but in opposite ways, and I'm finding we're allowing DD to overeat in treading carefully around DGD.

I don't know how to do the right thing for both of them when they're both here at the same time. DP thinks we should focus on DGD and just leave DD be, but that feels like setting her up for a lifetime of problems. I feel like there has to be a better balance but I don't know what it is.

I think it's really good that you're on the same page now with taking DD's issues seriously. 28-29 waist is really big for an 11 year old - I'm a healthy weight adult and mine is 24-25. Both issues are serious - it doesn't matter if one is more serious on balance than the other. And DGD has her own parents to make that their priority.

Her waist struck me as really big too. She’s currently in Next age 14 plus school uniform which is looking a bit snug, the age 16 plus size waist is a 30 inch on their size chart. So she really does need to lose a good couple of inches of tum.

I don’t know if this is any help,

My Dd 16 was obsessed with food. Always hungry and wanting to eat all the time from the age of 3. It was wearing and worrying. She was chubby until 13. Suddenly she lost interest in food ( not intentionally) and stretched out to be tall and slim.

l spent 10 years in anguish wondering what to do. I never restricted anything, and just continued to feed her properly. She has a sweet tooth, but l never said anything about it. I bit my lip. It was bloody hard. I used to post on her and people say you should do this/that/restrict/remove etc.

Shes 16 now and 5ft 10. A really pronounced hourglass and tall and lovely. Not much interest in food. Eats for fuel rather than enjoyment.

hth.