Boss pressuring me back to work after bereavemenf

[Upthebracket22]

My Dad died at the weekend- 4 days ago- boss rang me & then turned up at my house asking when I was going up be back. I am not even remotely ready - not even had funeral yet which is next weds.

Aibu to think I should get signed off sick? I have barely taken a day sick in a decade so feel like it’s s time to just take a bit of time out.

My lovely dad passed 3 weeks ago and my boss couldn’t and still can’t do enough for me. I went back a bit too soon and he gently encouraged me to take extra paid compassionate leave. I’m so sorry for your loss OP

All the best op, this a small or large company ?

As others have said your boss sounds like a prize twat. I’ve had two colleagues with bereavements this year. My approach has been to be as supportive as possible and to offer signing off sick as well as as many compassionate leave says we can get away with. He should not be at your house or bullying you. You must be feeling very fragile.

@Upthebracket22 Bereavement leave is very short. It is reasonable and very common to be signed off sick with bereavement reaction or something similar.

You need time to start the grieving process.

Sorry for your loss

I’m so sorry for your loss.
My dad passed away over the summer too. I took a month of compassionate leave before be passed away (he had cancer) and I don’t regret a second of it. Fortunately my work were wonderful but I wouldn’t have hesitated to get signed off, if it had been necessary.
I did go back to work quite soon after but it was very much a ‘soft start’ with the majority being WFH - would this be an option for you (once you are ready of course).
Stand your ground and speak to your GP. I’d also be having a word with HR about your manager harassing you. Absolutely not acceptable!

That's so bad. I was given a week off when my dad passed away. I then had a weeks holiday. And also the funeral. And I probably could've had more unpaid.

And sorry for your loss. I still didn't feel ready after two weeks but needed a distraction. Your boss is very unreasonable indeed

So sorry for your loss. Your boss was WAY out of line.

Sorry for your loss.

I think if you don't want to go back to work straight away you need to get properly signed off by the GP for a period of time and then your boss knows where he stands and you are covered. Unfortunately open-ended bereavement leave doesn't exist in most companies as standard and they only allow you a couple of days at most before they expect you back in.

When I called in to report that my DM had died while I was on annual leave (unexpected death) I was told I could have that day off "to make arrangements " and the day of the funeral. I was actually entitled to five days compassionate leave, but it was never offered.

I went straight to the GP and got signed off for a month, with the offer to come back for more time if I needed it. My sick line just said "bereavement"

Employer was a post 1992 university

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Your boss is an absolute dick.

My Dad died 3 months ago. I was given 2 weeks compassionate leave then I was signed off for a further 6 weeks. (Because that's what I needed and my boss was happy for me to take all the time I needed)

When I went for my sick line I was told the standard is a 4 week sickline then a review.

Definitely go for a sick line and once you have it I would email your boss not only telling him and arranging to give it to him but putting into writing how he has treated you (turning up at your door). Fucking disgrace, I'm angry on your behalf.

Everyone deals with a family bereavement differently. Neither way is right or wrong. It really does depend on each individuals response to this.
I did go to work on the day my mum passed, because there was nothing practical I could do on that day. I did get compassionate leave when I did require it.

That's terrible. Looks like HR didn't want to get involved. I would have thought that a company which had an HR dept would have a clear written policy around bereavement leave.

Where I worked when my dad died they had a policy of 5 days paid leave and I also got a note from my doctor for an extra week.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Do you think that it might be that your boss thought he was visiting you to offer his condolences and then asked about your return and was really not intending to be so crass.

I’m glad things have changed. When my mum died 30 years ago I was 24 and she was 48. I got 2 days compassionate leave. It wasn’t the thing to get signed off sick……or no one told me too. I ended up taking a weeks leave.

My condolences to you and your family. I'm so sorry you've had a stress like this piled on top of your loss.

He turned up unannounced to the house of someone experiencing a personal loss? Ffs I wouldn't even turn up unannounced if it was a family member I was going to support!

YANBU

When you are feeling up to it then I’d be looking for another job asap.

So sorry for your loss OP 💐

Do you have a HR department?

Him turning up at your house is unacceptable and HR need to be having a word and advising him about process. They should also be the go to for advice on what leave you can take for this.

Compassionate Leave would be the usual thing for this. Or signed off sick to cover you whilst you deal with this if compassionate leave isn’t long enough.

What an absolute arsehole. Why would he even want you there? You aren’t going to be able to do any productive work while you are reeling with grief from such a recent loss.

So so sorry about your Dad.

That's awful.

What an arsehole.

It's a terrible time for you.

I'm sorry for your loss, I know it physically hurts. 😔

Definitely get signed off sick and when you're feeling better look for a different job .

Death often leaves a want for a new life, a different environment for the people left behind, everything has s changed. 💔

Definitely get a bereavement line from your dr. I worked somewhere that gave you 3 days off…3 days when my father died. My boss called me and told me to visit the Dr.

Sorry for your loss OP.

I had a colleague who was given 2 months off after her dad died. She was raised by him so it was esp hard on her.

Please go see your doctor, grief is terribly hard to deal with.

Send a message to HR letting them kniw what's happened and asking them to advise your boss against doing it as it's harassment. What a dick head!

Take all the time you need xxx

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. My dad died 5 years ago and I had 6 months off sick on full pay. I developed severe anxiety and depression as a reaction to the grief and my GP was adamant that I needed the time off. My work were supportive and never pressured me to go back. I’m not saying 6 months is usual or should be the standard or anything, but we’re all different and there’s no way I would’ve been capable of working during that time. I hope you’re able to take all the time you need.

My PIL died 7 months apart and both times DH was signed off for 4 weeks. Take time to grieve your father and get things in order