Boss pressuring me back to work after bereavemenf

[Upthebracket22]

My Dad died at the weekend- 4 days ago- boss rang me & then turned up at my house asking when I was going up be back. I am not even remotely ready - not even had funeral yet which is next weds.

Aibu to think I should get signed off sick? I have barely taken a day sick in a decade so feel like it’s s time to just take a bit of time out.

[LookingAtYou]

Sorry for your loss .

Absolutely get signed off for 2 weeks and see you feel from there. If you have a HR department report your boss for harassment, so inappropriate to turn up at your house.

[Nowisthemonthofmaying]

I'm so sorry for your loss - I lost my dad earlier this year too.

Your boss is a dick - is he even allowed to turn up at your house? Sounds like harassment.

If they won't give you the time off I'd try to get signed off by your gp for a week or two. And start looking for a new job.

[LeMoo]

He turned up at your house?!

Massively inappropriate.

I'm so so sorry for your loss

[JKGalbraith]

What a cunt. I’m so sorry about your dad

[Upthebracket22]

I know- I was really surprised- I am super wobbly and have barely left the house since the weekend- he’s the last person I want to see to be honest.

[bigdecisionstomake]

So sorry for your loss OP.

Only you can know how you feel but if it was me I wouldn’t be returning to work that soon and if that means you need to be signed off sick then so be it.

Your boss has obviously had an empathy bypass as it is totally unreasonable to be knocking on your door this soon after a major bereavement. You do need to keep them updated so they can plan but a brief email is reasonable for that.

[PotatoFamily]

Sorry for your loss. I’m not sure what you can do about this. It’s awful and desperately unhelpful.

I had exactly this, my boss texted me the morning my mum died, about seven hours after it had happened, saying “are you coming in tomorrow or what?”. I lost my shit. I also had compassionate leave withheld and had to take it unpaid whilst others were granted it. HR just said it was managers discretion. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’d been there five years, had never had an issue and had just been promoted. I never felt the same there again after that, all my passion was gone, and I left the industry entirely 7 months later. I loved that job too.

[flowertoday]

So sorry for the loss of your dad.
Your boss is completely our of order. Please see you'd GP and get a sick note.
Take care of yourself.
💐

[rightkindofwrongg]

You’re boss is absolutely in the wrong

but how much compassionate leave do you have? Have you told them you won’t be in until after the funeral.
not condoning what your manager did but if they need to arrange cover etc it’s not clear from your op what you’ve told them

[cstaff]

Bloody hell he is one heartless bastard. That is just cruel. What the hell is wrong with people.

I thought you were going to say that you were off for a month or more but a few days...

[Krapom]

Sorry for your loss. Most larger companies with a HR department will have a set limit for bereavement - it’s normally 3 days or so. When people are off for longer (as they very often are for a very close relative) it’s for exactly what you say - being signed off sick as the bereavement has had an impact on your health and as a result you are too unwell to work. Your GP needs to do that for you. Book an appointment with your GP and it will be sorted for you quickly.

[BCBird]

Sending you my condolences. Your boss should not be coming to your house. No one knows how they will feel.when they lose someone close to them. It may not si k in until after the funeral. If you can go to your GP and get signed off. Take care.

[BingBangBollocks]

@PotatoFamily

Sorry for your loss. I’m not sure what you can do about this. It’s awful and desperately unhelpful.

I had exactly this, my boss texted me the morning my mum died, about seven hours after it had happened, saying “are you coming in tomorrow or what?”. I lost my shit. I also had compassionate leave withheld and had to take it unpaid whilst others were granted it. HR just said it was managers discretion. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’d been there five years, had never had an issue and had just been promoted. I never felt the same there again after that, all my passion was gone, and I left the industry entirely 7 months later. I loved that job too.

Fucking hell that’s disgraceful
I’m so sorry for you , @Upthebracket22 and anyone else who has been treated so badly

[AlwaysGinPlease]

I'm so sorry Op I would report your boss for turning up at your home. That's harassment and is unacceptable.

[echt]

Get a sick note. Just having that jerk turn up would make anyone ill, so no need to fake it. Do you have HR? Tell them when you get back. Your boss has entirely exceeded his authority.

Sorry for your loss, Upthebracket22

[cstaff]

@PotatoFamily
Phoning the same day your mum died...fucking hell. People can be so heartless and not to give you the leave. That is just disgusting behaviour. Hopefully karma will do its thing.

[Iliketeaagain]

Bloody hell. Sometimes i think im a bit harsh as a manager, but my response to someone who called me after their parent died was - "I've put a weeks compassionate leave, then you can self-certify for 7 days sick after that, so it gives you time to get hold of your GP and get a fit note at some point in the next 2 weeks to get signed off for the time you need after that"

What I find is that most people then think about coming back after a month or so, depending on how they are, safe in the knowledge that they will be supported with hours / reducing with annual leave and wanting some level of normalcy back,

That was a terrible response for your manager. I'm sorry that you've lost your dad, take the time you need, because it sounds like when you do go back, there won't be much support.

[Longdarkcloud]

Condolences OP. Get Yourself signed off as sick. Your boss is entirely inappropriate and is fortunate the funeral is so soon as hopefully that may mean you feel able to return to work the following week. I was surprised when I first came here how long most people had to wait for a funeral date as I feel it sort of leaves one’s grieving in hiatus. Whatever, OP time your return to your needs and do not feel pressured. You have given your boss faithful service and you have only one father. Also make sure he understands you may need leave to attend to practical issues, have counselling etc.
Take care

[BeanCounterBabe]

Definitely get a sick note. I work for the NHS and I’m not even sure if compassionate leave is a thing, if so only a few days. My usually hard as nails manager told me to call the GP and get signed off sick for a month when my dad was in his last days. It was entirely appropriate as I was was not well enough to work. The GP didn’t hesitate to sign me off under the circumstances.

[MaverickSnoopy]

I used to work in HR and once had a Manager ask me when she could tell an employee to return to work in a huffy tone (their parent had died the day before). I actually asked her if she was close to her parents and she said no and rolled her eyes. I was pretty horrified and advised her accordingly. Take all the time you need, you have to put yourself first.

[Cocorolla]

It’s unreasonable for him to turn up at your house

however how much compassionate leave for a parent does your company provide, if it’s the 3-4 days that might have been what triggered him to asking when you’d be coming back.

although going through a hard time you still need to communicate with your workplace in terms of telling them how much time you’ll be taking or updating them as to needing more time off

[PurplePastaBake]

Your manager should definitely not have shown up at your door. We have a senior manager currently going through a disciplinary for this very thing. He went to the house of a member of his team who was signed off sick and he is facing dismissal for a data privacy breach.

Whether you go off sick or return to work is up to you. Most people, in my experience, do get signed off sick for up to 4 weeks after the death of a parent but it’s down to you and what you feel you need.

But don’t let your bereavement cloud what your boss has done. It is completely unacceptable. I’m not even allowed to send flowers to my staff following bereavement unless I do it through head office, let alone turn up on their doorstep to see when they’ll be back to work.

[ICouldHaveCheckedFirst]

As a former manager, this is outrageous and insensitive behaviour by your boss. Report to HR if you have the energy.
Does your workplace have a policy on bereavement (or 'special' leave situations)? Many places give up to 5 days paid leave (or more if the death is abroad for example).
It's quite usual for staff to be signed off sick after the 5 days if not coping. See your GP. Your boss has likely made you feel worse because he's not been supportive.

Condolences

[HeddaGarbled]

Is it possible that he phoned and called round out of sympathy but didn’t express it very well? Some people can be very awkward in the face of others’ bereavements.

Also, he does kind of need to know whether he needs to organise cover and how long for.

If you can get signed off sick for 2 weeks, he’ll know your timescale so it could be mutually beneficial.

[Upthebracket22]

@ICouldHaveCheckedFirst yea, I do feel worse now - I feel like I don’t need the extra stress to be honest