To ignore my old boss?

[fairydustt]

So I worked for a lady for 4 years, abit of background info, she is a very demanding and difficult lady and much of my time working for her I did not really enjoy, although some of it I did and she is not a totally terrible person just quite difficult, and I did learn quite a bit from her.

Anyway, I started a new job in May this year so gave my notice in to my old job in April, my old boss did not see it coming and was quite disappointed but obviously accepted it. I had a 4 week notice period and wanted to take 1 week off between jobs to unwind, but my old boss was struggling to find a replacement for me and asked me if I could stay on another week, which I said yes to. So I ended up with only the weekend between leaving and starting my new job, but obviously I did get paid for the final week.

When I left, my old boss gave me a very nice gift, she actually cried on my last day.. and I told her that I would come in to do a handover for the new person once she had found a replacement and I would try and help make the transition as smooth as possible.

Two months after I had left, she still had not found a replacement and she asked me if I would mind completing an important monthly task that I used to do. for her which I did twice, she has not asked me to do this since.

In august she told me she had found a replacement and so I arranged a day that I would go in for the handover, she bought me tickets for a meal out as a thank you, then the day I was due to go in for this handover she messaged me to say that the person has decided they don't want the job and so she would be in touch with me soon.

It is now 6 months since I left and I received a message from her yesterday to say that she has finally found a replacement for me, and could I come in next week for the handover, she was very nice in her message and said she knew it might be difficult for me.

Would I be unreasonable to ignore her message and not go in for the handover.. I feel I might be being unreasonable because I did say that I would do it and I have obviously accepted the dinner tickets she gave me previously.. but at the same time, it has been 6 months! I'm really busy at work at the moment and frankly can't really be bothered to go into her office in my spare time .. but equally I would feel bad ignoring her and also don't want to burn any bridges ..

Thoughts?

If it were me it would come down to how much they were going to pay me. Either you've got them over a barrel so they should be paying you a huge fee, or they don't need you and are just doing this because it's easiest for them.

My first thought would be "fuck 'em", my second would be "how much?" It depends on your circumstances of course, personally I'd take a month's salary for a day's work, but the important thing is that you don't owe them a favour.

Put bluntly, if they were that decent, they'd have made you a counter offer to not leave in the first place.

They didn't counter offer because they knew that it wouldn't work as I told them that I was leaving because I wanted to work for a big company rather than a small one, which they couldn't do anything about. It also wouldn't be a days handover, I'd be going into my office from 8-4pm and then I'd make my way to her office and probably arrive at 4:30 and do a handover until 6, it would be unpaid.. but again I did say I would do it.. but equally I didn't know it would be 6 months later

I wouldn’t ignore the message. Maybe respond and ask what the ‘handover’ now entails given you’ve not been there for months and you assumed someone else (whoever else has been covering in the gap) would be doing it. I’d probably say this and add that ‘if there is anything specific needed, let me know but a full handover is not appropriate given the passage of time’.

How would your new employer feel about this?

My first thought would be "fuck 'em", my second would be "how much?" @Dotjones

same here!

I'd just do it. It's a day at most. I always like to keep a good feeling from where I left. There's a saying, be nice to people on the way up because you never know who you might meet on the way down. But then I'm not that big in thinking fuck 'em about other people.

No one has been doing it that I know of, it's a very small company (it was just me my boss and another guy who works remotely from another country) for info, I was her PA, so I'll assume she's been doing everything herself

I would probably do it because a) you told her that you would and b) she gave you tickets for a meal (which I presume you've used?)
I wouldn't do any more than that though I don't think.

I agree with @MarshaMelrose - best to leave things on good terms. You did say you would do it, and it's only 90 minutes!

Can you offer to do it on a Zoom call, and get the person to write a list of things they want to know about before the call?

I would do it.

I would email back and say you are really sorry but you are just so busy at the moment it isn’t possible and wish her all the best. I had a similar issue where the person who took over from me kept emailing me from time to time, after a year I drew a line under things and said no more in a polite way. The problem was that I would tell her stuff but she never bloody listened.

I think it would probably be best to do it. You did accept the dinner vouchers which do really count as payment for the work.

It's only 90 minutes and would help maintain good relationships if you ever needed a reference or a favour from your former boss in the future.

I would offer a Zoom call and one follow up call a week later to cover off questions.

The acceptance of the gift has clouded this issue I think.

If you feel able to offer as others have said a time limited session on zoom. Otherwise I would write back that due to the delay in this happening you can no longer remember most of the role and do not think it is possible anymore to provide meaningful advice. I think that you would have to hand the gift back then as well!

At this stage I wouldn't feel like you "owe" her anything, you've already earned those dinner tickets.

Personally I would just reply, "sorry but work is crazy right now and so is home, no can do" or something along those lines.

If she really really needs you to do it she'll ask you (1) when would be convenient for YOU and (2) how much can she pay you to make it worth your while.

Otherwise she's just taking the piss.

I may be old fashioned but if you say you will do something you do it … comes down to treating other people how you would want to be treated

I actually haven't used them yet.. the day before I was due to go in for handover in August I received an email from a third party site with the tickets, I then got an email from my old boss saying 'for you, see you tomorrow!' I replied saying thank you see you tomorrow! And then she cancelled and I didn't hear from her until yesterday. I was of course grateful for the tickets as I wasn't expecting anything .. terms and conditions of the tickets are that they are non refundable

I think the leaving gift was just a leaving gift and the dinner tickets were for the inconvenience of canceling last time, so I don’t think you owe her anything actually.

Would you be happy with answering questions instead of going in? I’d be inclined to say that it’s a busy time, you’re working late a lot and suggest the new starter sends a list of q’s you will happily answer. That way you can keep control, answer briefly and commit no more than half hour to the job from the comfort of your home, but not feel too bad.

The tickets were given to me before she cancelled last time, to be honest I think they were to make sure I actually turned up haha

I think I'd do that too, politely making it clear that your involvement finishes there. It's nice to maintain a professional note.

I agree with the comments about doing the handover over zoom. If it is 4:30-6:00 I assume this is just 90 mins as a one off? I would probably just do it to avoid burning bridges and then go out for a meal after using the dinner tickets she gifted you.
If you are genuinely so stressed out, have no spare time etc then I would probably just tell her this and tell her you can’t do it.

Don't ignore, just politely decline.

I think I’d offer a zoom call too, or to go in only when it’s convenient to you. It depends too on whether you struggle with “worrying about things” - for example, if I were in your situation I know I’d sit and think about it quite a bit once I’d said no and then I’d go on to feel bad about the situation or guilty and waste even more headspace on it, even though it wasn’t what I wanted to do. You might be completely different though - we all have our own ways. I think knowing that you’ve done a good thing for someone to help them can only be positive and you can then draw a line under the sand and move on completely from the company without feeling like you didn’t keep your end of the deal.