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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ignore my old boss?

67 replies

fairydustt · 02/11/2022 13:30

So I worked for a lady for 4 years, abit of background info, she is a very demanding and difficult lady and much of my time working for her I did not really enjoy, although some of it I did and she is not a totally terrible person just quite difficult, and I did learn quite a bit from her.

Anyway, I started a new job in May this year so gave my notice in to my old job in April, my old boss did not see it coming and was quite disappointed but obviously accepted it. I had a 4 week notice period and wanted to take 1 week off between jobs to unwind, but my old boss was struggling to find a replacement for me and asked me if I could stay on another week, which I said yes to. So I ended up with only the weekend between leaving and starting my new job, but obviously I did get paid for the final week.

When I left, my old boss gave me a very nice gift, she actually cried on my last day.. and I told her that I would come in to do a handover for the new person once she had found a replacement and I would try and help make the transition as smooth as possible.

Two months after I had left, she still had not found a replacement and she asked me if I would mind completing an important monthly task that I used to do. for her which I did twice, she has not asked me to do this since.

In august she told me she had found a replacement and so I arranged a day that I would go in for the handover, she bought me tickets for a meal out as a thank you, then the day I was due to go in for this handover she messaged me to say that the person has decided they don't want the job and so she would be in touch with me soon.

It is now 6 months since I left and I received a message from her yesterday to say that she has finally found a replacement for me, and could I come in next week for the handover, she was very nice in her message and said she knew it might be difficult for me.

Would I be unreasonable to ignore her message and not go in for the handover.. I feel I might be being unreasonable because I did say that I would do it and I have obviously accepted the dinner tickets she gave me previously.. but at the same time, it has been 6 months! I'm really busy at work at the moment and frankly can't really be bothered to go into her office in my spare time .. but equally I would feel bad ignoring her and also don't want to burn any bridges ..

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
fairydustt · 02/11/2022 14:19

Essexgalhere · 02/11/2022 14:14

I agree with the comments about doing the handover over zoom. If it is 4:30-6:00 I assume this is just 90 mins as a one off? I would probably just do it to avoid burning bridges and then go out for a meal after using the dinner tickets she gifted you.
If you are genuinely so stressed out, have no spare time etc then I would probably just tell her this and tell her you can’t do it.

To be honest I probably do have capacity to do it.. (a few weeks ago possibly not as was working all hours) it is inconvenient for me though as I have moved an hour 15 away from the city and commute into work, I'll have to get in at 8am in order to leave at 4, which means leaving my house at 6:45 and then will get home at 19:45 as long as I leave her office at 6.. but I spose I did promise to do it so probably should just suck it up as a one off!

OP posts:
Dartmoorcheffy · 02/11/2022 14:21

I dint understand why there is any need for a handover when your old boss has had to do it herself presumably for the last six months, having said that if you need references in the future then 90 minutes of your time is not a lot to sacrifice.

Original poster
fairydustt · 02/11/2022 14:21

greeneyessparksfly · 02/11/2022 14:19

I think I’d offer a zoom call too, or to go in only when it’s convenient to you. It depends too on whether you struggle with “worrying about things” - for example, if I were in your situation I know I’d sit and think about it quite a bit once I’d said no and then I’d go on to feel bad about the situation or guilty and waste even more headspace on it, even though it wasn’t what I wanted to do. You might be completely different though - we all have our own ways. I think knowing that you’ve done a good thing for someone to help them can only be positive and you can then draw a line under the sand and move on completely from the company without feeling like you didn’t keep your end of the deal.

Yeah that's exactly what I'm like.. I like to please people and I would feel guilty if I said no or ignored.. But not sure I should feel guilty for it really... I probably will do it though

OP posts:
Essexgalhere · 02/11/2022 14:21

@fairydustt Yeah maybe I would just do it, I think you’re going to spend more time feeling guilty over it especially if she sends you another text x

greeneyessparksfly · 02/11/2022 14:23

fairydustt · 02/11/2022 14:21

Yeah that's exactly what I'm like.. I like to please people and I would feel guilty if I said no or ignored.. But not sure I should feel guilty for it really... I probably will do it though

Show quote history

It’s really hard, and you’re absolutely right you shouldn’t feel guilty as it’s been such a long time (6 months in the world of work is a lot for her to still be coming back to you) - but sometimes it’s just the way we are wired and if it means you can forget about it once it’s done then you can lay it to bed and move on.

DeireadhFomhair · 02/11/2022 14:27

I would do it too. You've already been "paid" for it, plus your ex-boss seems genuine.

DogsDryWineAndCheese · 02/11/2022 14:28

You said you’d do something & essentially accepted payment for it. Of course you should do it! If it’s really not convenient then offer up a time that is, even if it’s in a week or two.

Testina · 02/11/2022 14:32

What on Earth can you possibly need to hand over, that you haven’t done for 6 months and only takes 90 minutes?!!

Trees6 · 02/11/2022 14:33

I’d do it but I wouldn’t accept any more gifts etc and I’d make it clear that this visit finalises things and it won’t be repeated.

This has the potential to go on and on if you don’t nip it in the bud.

SunshineAndFizz · 02/11/2022 14:34

Halloweenpumpkinfyi · 02/11/2022 14:01

I may be old fashioned but if you say you will do something you do it … comes down to treating other people how you would want to be treated

I've got to agree with this I'm afraid. I get you can't be bothered now that months have passed, but you did offer (and got dinner vouchers as a thank you).

FWIW, I would have left a written handover and not offered to do a physical handover. In my mind, when you're gone, you're gone.

Whatever you decide to do, don't ignore her.

Original poster
fairydustt · 02/11/2022 14:35

Testina · 02/11/2022 14:32

What on Earth can you possibly need to hand over, that you haven’t done for 6 months and only takes 90 minutes?!!

I will essentially be going over the notes I left for handover and answering any questions the new girl might have, I'm sure my old boss would prefer an entire day of handover but I'm not going to take a day of annual leave to do that lol and I can't leave work earlier than 4pm so the earliest I can get to her office is 4:30 and I'm not staying past 6pm

OP posts:
Testina · 02/11/2022 14:37

Were your handover notes shit then? 🤣
This is crackers!
It’s been six months!

Original poster
fairydustt · 02/11/2022 14:37

@SunshineAndFizz I think you are right, although I did create a big handover folder before I left, my old boss asked me if I would mind coming in for a handover and I said I would do it, rather than me offering to do it off my own back... I did hope that they would get someone in before I left but knew it would be unlikely

OP posts:
RishisProudMum · 02/11/2022 14:38

Why would you ignore her? If it’s inconvenient, say ‘no, sorry, that no longer works for me - it’s been six months.’

If you’re happy to do it, then set up a Zoom call and do it over that.

Either of those is perfectly acceptable. Ignoring her would be rude and unnecessary, imo.

blisstwins · 02/11/2022 14:39

I would
do a zoom call. You worked there for 4 years and it is 1.5 hours.

Cap89 · 02/11/2022 14:40

I would do it. I can see why it feels a bit annoying when it’s been a while since you left, but you said you’d do it and it’s a couple of hours out of your life.

I think if you ignore her you’ll feel way worse than if you do it. Plus I’d feel really uncomfortable about using the dinner vouchers if I didn’t help. So either I’d end up wasting them by not using them, or using them and feeling kind of crappy about it at the same time.

If you do it, you’ll be able to comfortably draw a line under it all with no bad feeling and enjoy the vouchers totally guilt free. Just be really clear that that’s the end.

Original poster
fairydustt · 02/11/2022 14:40

The problem with a Zoom call is that I would have to do it whilst in my office and would have to use my work laptop to do it which I don't feel comfortable doing, so I don't think a Zoom call would be best

OP posts:
Original poster
fairydustt · 02/11/2022 14:42

Cap89 · 02/11/2022 14:40

I would do it. I can see why it feels a bit annoying when it’s been a while since you left, but you said you’d do it and it’s a couple of hours out of your life.

I think if you ignore her you’ll feel way worse than if you do it. Plus I’d feel really uncomfortable about using the dinner vouchers if I didn’t help. So either I’d end up wasting them by not using them, or using them and feeling kind of crappy about it at the same time.

If you do it, you’ll be able to comfortably draw a line under it all with no bad feeling and enjoy the vouchers totally guilt free. Just be really clear that that’s the end.

I do agree with you, although, I did do those two monthly tasks I mentioned in my OP after I had left (I did them for June and July) and I spent 2 hours each of my free time doing them in the evenings to help her, so I'd say the dinner covers that as well as I wasn't paid for that time

OP posts:
Cap89 · 02/11/2022 14:46

fairydustt · 02/11/2022 14:42

I do agree with you, although, I did do those two monthly tasks I mentioned in my OP after I had left (I did them for June and July) and I spent 2 hours each of my free time doing them in the evenings to help her, so I'd say the dinner covers that as well as I wasn't paid for that time

Show quote history

Oh yes, I missed that sorry. I’d still feel guilty though, rightly or wrongly! So it comes down to how you’ll feel the morning after if you went and it’s all done and dusted, or you didn’t. If you think you might feel a bit crappy in the latter situation, just do it and get it done. You will have tilted the karma scales in your favour and hopefully one day someone will help you out in a similar way.

kingtamponthefurred · 02/11/2022 14:46

Why is a handover necessary? What can you possibly tell her new PA that she could not tell the new PA herself?

RishisProudMum · 02/11/2022 14:49

fairydustt · 02/11/2022 14:40

The problem with a Zoom call is that I would have to do it whilst in my office and would have to use my work laptop to do it which I don't feel comfortable doing, so I don't think a Zoom call would be best

You can do Zoom calls on your phone. If you’d rather not do that, FaceTime and What’s App video. There are a lot of remote meeting options available.

Original poster
fairydustt · 02/11/2022 14:49

kingtamponthefurred · 02/11/2022 14:46

Why is a handover necessary? What can you possibly tell her new PA that she could not tell the new PA herself?

There were some projects I worked on where I made some reports each month and then presented them to her, that would probably be the main thing she would want me to go through as she would have no idea how to do the reporting

OP posts:
Original poster
fairydustt · 02/11/2022 14:50

@RishisProudMum oh yeah true, hadn't considered using my phone for some reason haha

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/11/2022 14:56

You left a big folder of notes for the new person.
"she asked me if I would mind completing an important monthly task that I used to do. for her which I did twice,"
Then you took a day's annual leave to help her again this summer which she cancelled at very short notice.

So I think that the dinner tickets could be seen as payment for what you've already done

Another day's annual leave wasted on this seems like a very big ask. How has she been managing to date?

I think you should contact her and set the terms on which you are prepared to help.. another pp suggested the new person gives you a list of questions a week in advance. You could do a written reply to these, which would shorten the zoom which could be used for clarification.

There must be some way you could organise a zoom, can you ask current work if you can take your laptop home for the evening? Good luck

fruktsoda · 02/11/2022 14:59

I wouldn't ignore. No sense in offending her if you don't have to. You never know how it may come back to bite you.