Feeling so guilty over not being able to afford Christmas

[elm26]

My DH and I have prioritised paying off our debt for the past 11 months.

We have about another 6 months of paying it off to go and we are due our first baby in May.

We also need to move to a 2 bedroom as we have no room for any additional stuff such as a cot or a pram.

My family go all out at Christmas, even for the adults and I have done this too since I started working at 16.

We simply cannot justify buying everyone presents this year and will just be buying for the children (18 and under) in the family.

We are volunteering for the vulnerable and elderly with some friends this year so won't be with any family for Christmas Day but I still feel so guilty and sad not getting everyone a gift. I know next year will be the same with a 7 month told.

Does anyone have any ideas of what I could do? I was thinking of making festive shortbread in batches for the adults and putting it in a nice gift wrap etc.

That sounds perfect. Also feeling guilty and sad is a waste of emotion. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Maybe this might be the time to have a chat with your family - I would think you are not the only one feeling the same.

God id love festive shortbread, thats a really lovely thing to give.

Try not to beat yourself up about this, there will be lots of people cutting right back this year and it sounds very sensible to prioritise clearing your debts.
I will certainly be cutting right back and my kids will be getting much less than previous years.... and i have already told a couple of friends lets not exchange gifts this year.
Shortbread sounds like a nice idea.

Oh my goodness OP do not feel guilty!! You are doing exactly the right thing in prioritising paying of your debt with a baby on the way, and I'm sure anyone who cares about you would hate the idea of you worrying about it. A homemade edible gift sounds wonderful and personally is my favourite kind of gift anyway. Don't let this spoil the enjoyment of your pregnancy.

I don’t think you have anything to feel guilty for, but you do need to have the conversation in advance to set expectations. There may be others who are relieved you do!

Don’t feel guilty. Those who matter won’t care and those who care don’t matter.
Homemade shortbread is always a winner IMHO. I made these recently if you were looking for an alternative, they were a lot easier than the end result suggests: www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/fancy-iced-biscuits

I still remember when one of my friends at school used to make sweet presents for Christmas 30 years ago. I remember she used to make Tablet and it was divine! Don't feel guilty, as long as everyone knows you're only buying for the children then it's up to them then if they still want to buy for you. If they do then just enjoy and appreciate it and don't let it make you feel bad - that is not what they would want at all! You are doing the sensible and grown up thing and getting your debts sorted - be proud, I'd be proud if my kids chose to do that rather than splash out on presents!

Just be open. Or suggest a secret Santa? So that everyone gets a decent present instead of a lot of dust catchers. Better for the environment too.

That sounds great - I do something similar for my brother - something that we always ate at Christmas as kids.
You have a baby on the way and money is tight - anyone who doesn’t appreciate that is being self-centred, quite frankly.
Stick to your budget and give your gifts with love.

Nothing to feel guilty about but I agree with the PP saying have the conversation about it with your family. Knowing that your not going to be spending very much whilst simultaneously letting everyone spend on you as normal is a bit off. They might wish to still go ‘all out’ on you but give them the choice. They might also be delighted to have a cheaper Christmas.

Fantastic, I'd much prefer a hand made shortbread than some of
The stuff I get.
Such a thoughtful gift xx

I only get my parents and IL gifts , my siblings and their children dont get anything- We've always done tjis and with the children we tend to meet up at a local xmas party or soft play.
My Dp and children get gifts ofcourse but not extended family- There is too many to buy for otherwise and who needs extra gifts really!
Shortbread sounds perfect though!
Just explain to family your plan to cut back from now on and save but a small home made gift will be given.
Dont feel guilty.
Xmas isnt about gifts

I'd be made up with the shortbread as a gift. Thoughtful idea and you can put your own thought/design into it.
Perhaps you could suggest to friends family you all do homemade stuff this year or just cards if they're not feeling inventive? Could become a nice tradition if everyone's on-board.

Be honest! You are paying off debts, saving for a house and saving for a baby!! Everyone will understand!! We were saving for a house and told everyone we were only buying for children! Zero issues!!

No shame to that at all. Just say it early to set expectations.

My DB rang up last year when all my Christmas shopping had been done and said ‘let’s not do presents this year’, meaning between his family and mine and I was a bit 🤨

I love shortbread. It would be well received here.

But do tell everyone now.

About 10 years ago we had so little money that I had to totally rethink Christmas gifts. I made chutneys and biscotti for everyone in glass ikea containers. They went down a treat.

I suppose families have their own traditions, it’s up to 18 in mine and same for birthdays.

I am glad as I hate shopping, it’s not the cost it’s the faff. I did used to buy a panettone for my sisters family as her DH was Italian. Sadly now widowed my sister said no panettone anymore , she hates it apparently and he was the only one who loved it.

And don’t worry about the baby next Christmas. We will have a 6 mo old snd trying to keep costs down. Our plan is to do a small tree with some hand me down decs/ make some decs (hand prints with glitter glue anyone?!) and get a home bargains stocking with some little bits for dd - bibs, bath toys, bubble bath - and a small roast with a bottle of wine and some LIDL treats. Lots of walks wrapped up with flasks of coffee or homemade mulled wine to see Christmas lights around and about. Our local primary has a school fair that’s about £2 to get in and they have a grotto to take baby to see Santa and get a little wrapped gift. It will be magical because we are together not because of how much we are spending. You’re prioritizing the right things and doing a great job for your baby already. ❤️

I second the secret santa. I'm not a huge fan of the materialism at Christmas, but am aware that for some families gift giving etc. is a huge part of it. If they won't agree to secret santa shortbread sounds amazing! I'd personally prefer something home made most of the time anyway.

you are doing a great job no need to feel bad give yourself a pat on the back

Don't feel guilty but please explain to your family now. You might find it takes some of the pressure of others to. Many people are struggling this year so less costs might be a relief.

Agree there’s nothing to feel guilty about however some people do start their shopping incredibly early and I know several people who have already declared their Xmas shopping all done. This is probably even more so for people who buy for loads of friends and family. So it’s possible that people will have already bought you gifts. Rather than saying you’re not doing Xmas for adults could you maybe suggest secret santa? And/or suggest a spending limit or that you would only do homemade gifts.

personally I’m not sure homemade gifts are always worth it, hours of slaving away and spending on ingredients etc and then not everyone will even eat them. But it’s a nice gesture and shows you have thought about people. If you were my family i would just say honestly please don’t worry, you don’t need to make biscuits, just come round and bring a bottle to share.

I would love to receive Christmas cookies/shortbread as a gift at Christmas! The fact is people buy things they need at the time and everyone is feeling the pinch from bills. But the thought and effort to give some lovely biscuits are a lovely caring present and more meaningful than some soaps or candles IMO.

You are doing the best thing! What a present to yourselves and new baby to be in a better financial position!
Someone once made me homemade fudge. It was so delicious and one of my fave presents that year (and the cheapest I'm sure!)