AIBU to think this was uncool...and should I say something?

[Mummbles]

NC because school mums are everywhere!!

DS recently started a new school and I'm in the school mum's Whatsapp group - I don't say much. A few other mums were complaining about a few issues with the school and I'd had the same issues with DS, so I outlined that I'd had the same/similar issues. After a few people had said similar pieces, one person subtley raised the idea of perhaps making a group comment on an issue and another responded that it's probably best for individuals to raise their own individual issues if they choose to do so - and a few others agreed.

Then, today, DH and I got an email from the school saying "I'm sorry to hear you weren't happy with [problem raised by other mum in the chat that we stated we also had an issue with]. Here's a clarification of the situation, here's a resolution etc". All very professional, all well-handled. It really wasn't a big problem and we wouldn't have raised it because, for us, it wasn't a big enough issue to warrant raising.

AIBU to think it's out of line for another parent in the whatsapp group to have contacted the school on our behalf, naming us as having complained or is that expected when you divulge information in the group chat? And, furthermore, should I say something in the group chat or just drop it? I don't want to make any enemies.

Archery club??

Crikey you've brought the trolls out.

Stay in the group for birthdays and lost property but avoid giving opinions on anything.

I think if a similar situation arises again and you don't want to be part of a group complaint you need to specifically say that. "Please don't mention little Johnny, we're dealing with this ourselves" sort of thing. But yep, out of order for sure.

I call bullshit - and don't care if I'm deleted

I've known of these scenarios whereby people on the WhatsApp group are either employees or employee friends of the school and have told the school the latest moan of the week.

Well this thread has become pretty unreadable with all the deleted comments - perfectly reasonable question IMO 🤷‍♀️

I definitely wouldn’t leave the WhatsApp group but I’d be wary in future of publicly moaning about school - in our group I know a couple of the parents are TA’s and as someone else said screen shots could get you in an comfortable situation! I’d also not raise the recent incident as it’s too
to resolve it and may result in backlash (behind your back)

Last week a poster asked if archery on public sports fields was OK, the Archery Club secretary arrived on the thread.

Well, I'm just glad that Whatsapp didn't exist when my DC were at school. It sounds like a particular Circle of Hell to which I would not want to belong. Is it possible to say no?

Thanks to those who clarified that chaos and those who gave me a genuine response.

To clarify a bit further, our situation was outlined specifically to the school. I'm changing the situation (because mums are everywhere 😂) but similar to: parents in the group complaining that they aren't happy that clubs have been cancelled, I raised that a specific club that DS likes has been cancelled (that none of the other DCs were going to) and we got an email from the school apologising that the specific club was cancelled. Or, similar to: parents complaining that the lunch options were becoming limited and we agreed and specified that DS had a specific dietary requirement that's no longer catered to and the school emailing to apologise that his dietary requirement wasn't being catered for. So, basically, a wider issue was raised in the group by others, I agreed and commented on a specific element of the issue that happened to us and the school has been told that we complained in the group about that specific issue. So, it's not that we were even included in a generic complaint - someone complained on our behalf about a specific issue and named us as the ones who complained about it.

Depending on the age of your child, it's a death sentence for friendships. Most birthday parties are only announced in the group for example.

Third thread ruined by this troll today.

OP based on your update is it possible they emailed everyone and tailored the letter? If not, I would politely mention on the thread that all is sorted, but that you hadn't contacted in the school and in future you would rather you were left off any group complaints as you prefer to deal with the school directly.

Huh what what is the joke I don't geddit oh well never mind bye

WTF is wrong with Mumsnet today? Why are so many people pretending to know about the OP scenario? The Halloween running out of treats, the wedding photographer and now this one - it's so fucking dull.

OP if this is true, then complain loudly on the WhatApp group and to the school.

I feel like I'm missing out on all the fun tonight. All the threads I open are full of deleted messages and I've no idea what's going on.

Just use the group for birthdays and simple messages. Don't use it to moan about school and specific issues. If you are unhappy about something, raise it directly.

There is a weirdo commenting on many threads like this, often under multiple names claiming to be one of the other parties being discussed having “discovered “ the thread

Well of course it was uncool.

Just reply to the school saying thanks for this email, however I was not intending for this to be reported to the school from the parent Whatsapp chat and had decided against raising it with school as it was so minor.

And don't put anything on the whatsapp group ever again and don't try to help anyone again. Just read it in case it is useful. Don't call out the perpetrator, just disengage. People are snakey bastards these days.

Thanks

You don't know who is the group is friends with the principal, school secretary etc. stay in the group but be mindful not to badmouth the school in future.

I'm not surprised this has happened at all really, you should know at this stage that WhatsApp is a dangerous place!

I’d be tempted to reply to the school saying something like “I wonder if you meant to contact another parent as I have not contacted you about this. However, the message is still useful, thanks for letting us know about this issue.”
Then I’d also be cautious about sharing my opinions in the group chat.

Yep.

Happened at our school a few weeks back. I’m not on the year group WhatsApp ( hate that kind of shit and actively avoid, but heard this incident through the grapevine) but it all kicked off. Parents slating school and it got back to the heads.

Someone apparently screenshot all the conversations and sent it to the head. We have some very toxic and nasty parents ( hence why I avoid) and this was apparently awful.

WTF @MNHQ. Appreciate it’s a bit like Whack-A-Mole at the mo, but am thinking a blanket moratorium on newbies / new names might not be a bad idea?!

Thanks guys - just to be clear, I wasn't slating the school or saying anything particularly egregious or offensive. They'd just done something to DS that I didn't really approve of and had done something similar to a few others.