Eating with a knife and fork in the wrong hands

[Getabloominmoveon]

Just sat in a cafe next to a whole family eating with their fork in the right hand and knife in the left. On the other side a young guy was struggling to chop up his food with just a fork. A few weeks ago an adult friend of mine admitted she didn’t know which way to set a table.This is In the UK btw.

When did this start? Have they never eaten with a table set with cutlery? Don’t people teach their kids how to eat properly any more?

At the risk of sounding like Hyacinth Bouquet AIBU to think that this is a basic life skill and people should eat with their cutlery in the right hands (unless left-handed, different cultures, Americans and all the other caveats of course).

Does holding your knife in the "wrong" hand actually matter? Like, really?

Think you need to carry copies of Debretts to give out to these people and save them from themselves. (Retreats bowed, doffing cap)

Unless you're going somewhere more up-market these days a LOT of restaurants, pubs, bistros etc have their knives and forks rolled up in serviettes (either paper of fabric) or (shudder!) in a mini bucket or pot on the table.

They don't teach you at school. Weddings and functions can be hot buffets, bacon butties, BBQs etc. The sit down down meal of old with all cutlery laid out in place seettings on the table cloth is rapidly becoming a thing of the past (even though I think thats a shame it doesn't change facts).

Family dynamics are have changed since the 1950's that you seem to live in. Parents juggling shifts and childcare, passing each other in the hall as one comes home and one leaves, children returning from brownies, gynastics and football classes, teenage children rushing out to do evening jobs, both parents working so less SAHMs, and not to mention families not being able to afford homes with dining rooms.....it all adds up to mean that families don't always have the luxury of all sitting round to a laid table together for means. And if families do eat together (to observe and teach each other the correct way of using knives and forks) they've likely got more important matters to discuss rather than weather DC2 has got his fork held correctly.

I'm 44 and my Dad STILL pulls me up on this and belittles me. It makes me feel SHIT. All I can think is he must think so little of me that it even matters to him now.

I can eat either way! Drives my partner mad - I don't give a shit!
How do you know people aren't left handed?
People should however, hold cutlery correctly (not like a shovel)

(Whispers) we sometimes even eat on our laps in front of the TV (runs away again).

Ah what a shame!

It’s truly bizarre how some people can’t get onboard with left-handedness. Why would one dominant hand be ‘right’ and the other ‘wrong’?! Make it make sense!

Wasn't the left-handed thing to do with Christianity? The devil being on the left etc?

So you’d be mortified to dine with someone with certain disabilities, oh and South Asians, and a lot of Africans and South Americans.

Can you teach my husband to use cutlery while having arthrogryposis? Or is the existence of people with disabilties too mortifying?

We eat on the floor and use our hands, as usual the ‘oh I’m not a snob’ posters choose to forget that people who aren’t white actually exist.

I have no idea which goes in which. Frankly, don't care. Much more important things in life

Eating with your mouth open is a far greater offence IMO. Using cutlery like gardening tools is a bit distracting if someone was doing it right in front of me but I wouldn't dream of saying anything. I was raised by snobs, I know it's my problem, not theirs.

Why is it "right" though?

I remember hearing that "don't put your elbows on the table" was never actually about manners, it was about sailors not wanting to be spotted in port towns and drafted onto ships (as they used their elbows to steady their plates while at sea, so you could spot them a mile away if they didn't cut the habit on land).

So it wouldn't surprise me if the only reason the knife in the right hand came to be correct is some out of date tradition that doesn't have a place anymore. Like perhaps most people are right handed and for a long time most people only used knives? Or maybe so it was in the dominant hand should a fight break out in the tavern you're eating in?

Either way it's BS and I always swap them over. My left hand is retarded - wouldn't trust it to reach my mouth with 100% success rates.

@Simonjt I'm sorry if my post came accross as offensive or racist. It wasn't meant to. I was laughing at myself / teasing the OP.

Oh yours didn’t at all, please don’t read it like that!

😊

I think if the knife is held in the left hand and fork in the right, I probably wouldn’t notice this. However, I don’t understand people who shovel their food into their mouth, struggling to get it on the fork when a knife would help do the job much more efficiently. When I have guests over for dinner and they proudly announce their knife is clean, no need to wash it up, I smile, but inwardly roll my eyes.

(but I am not BU that this has touched a nerve…,)

It has touched a nerve because it would be nice if you just minded your own business and concentrated on eating yer own grub. I have never in my life noticed how anyone else holds their cutlery. I was taught to hold mine in the 'traditional' way and I have taught my children the same because it's what I know. But my job is done once they've been shown. Their food, their choice. I'm just happy when they're prepared to eat my cooking. I'd hand my youngest a shovel if I thought it would encourage him to eat vegetables😅

Posts like this make me sad. I'm right handed and hold my cutlery the 'wrong' way round. I eat respectfully, keep my mouth closed when chewing, try not to talk whilst chewing, etc. But I could never manage to hold and use my fork in my left hand. I was made fun of by other kids in school for doing this. Other adults have commented on it too.

I really do wonder what possesses people to post these sorts of things - presumably to shame others. Hope you felt better after posting that?

I am left handed and have always eaten with the knife in my left hand and fork in the right.

Thanks for all your viewpoints. One thing is clear: most of you know how to hold a pitchfork!

Nothing speaks louder than not being able to eat properly, have some basic manners and conduct yourself properly.
That is if you want to get anywhere in life.

Really? Nothing?
You think only people who hold their knife in their right hand get anywhere in life?

DS eats with his cutlery the "wrong" way round, I don't know why, he just prefers it. I have never corrected him because I don't consider it to be bad manners. I would however correct him if he watched other people while they were eating and then judged them on the basis of the hand they held their fork in. That is very bad manners imo.

Ah, sorry, missed you included left handed as acceptable to eat with the knife in the left hand etc. Mind you my sister is right handed and still eats with knife in left hand which is perfectly fine.

The op would probably faint if they came round to my house for dinner.
The table is always set with the cutlery the ‘wrong’ way around as everyone in the household eats with the fork in the right hand and knife in left.

We use the correct glasses for each type of drink though

But I do think it is a basic life skill. Nothing speaks louder than not being able to eat properly, have some basic manners and conduct yourself properly.
That is if you want to get anywhere in life.

It's not just vitally important things like this, but I've also noticed countless other ways in which people don't do things the proper way - they clearly don't want to make anything of their lives either and being brought up properly is clearly a thing of the past.

There are several women on our street whom I've seen going out to work in the mornings, even though they are MARRIED - and also WOMEN! I can't believe they've never been taught that this is wrong and just seem to have no comprehension of the proper place for a woman to spend all day. Nobody ever used to get confused by this a few generations ago; how have we lost these basic manners and simple understanding?

Also, I detest to see the children (of these slatterns) just running around, laughing, playing and having fun. I literally sit there weeping for all of those poor decent, properly-brought-up families whose chimneys go unswept for weeks on end.

And before anybody tries to make out that it's just my own street as a despicable, tawdry gone-to-the-dogs anomaly, I once went to France and didn't hear anybody speaking properly - 60+ million people just babbling meaningless noises that were nothing at all like the proper language that my parents at least correctly taught me.

I'm so glad to live in a world where nothing ever changes and there is only ever one proper way of doing anything, however unimportant common sense would (wrongly) tell you that it is.

I've only rarely seen people eat with the knife and fork in different hands, though it's possible I haven't noticed.

Do you mean set a table with different types of cutlery? I'd imagine a good number of people don't know how to do that. It's quite formal I suppose and possibly only come across in restaurants.