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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take my three month old to bed for a weekend delayed babymoon

63 replies

theotherfossilsister · 31/10/2022 22:33

Ds was born five weeks prematurely in July, however due to IUGR he was the size of a thirty one weekend. He spent eighteen days in neonatal and I am so grateful that once I was discharged from maternity I was allowed to stay there. He was born by emergency c section and I lost a lot of blood and because of all this we were separated immediately.

When we came out of hospital my mother was staying and although well meaning she was very hard work and needed a lot of looking after.

Soon after Ds had unexplained hypoxia on the breast (I was still only part bring, I never established it properly despite pumping all the time in neonatal.) He was in hospital for three nights to try to find a cause.

Later he would be admitted again for bronchiolitis.

I have been in a mother baby psychiatric unit for severe perinatal OCD (a really positive experience but the admission and events leading to it were traumatic.)

We established bfing a bit more in the mbu but never totally, and we never had that babymoon time. I guess lots of people don't because of circumstances.

I'd just love to do it now, just me and him in a clean bed for a weekend really focusing on each other, no internet, or interruptions and trying to bf more. He's currently mix fed with lots more formula than bf. I know this time is a luxury and it's a lot to ask of dp but I think it would help undo some of the trauma. I also feel spoilt and demanding and a bit airy fairy asking for it though.

OP posts:

CoveredInCobwebs · 31/10/2022 22:35

Of course YANBU. I can't even see how it could be a spoilt and demanding request.

Auntiealie · 31/10/2022 22:35

Of course you deserve this time! Try the method - 5 days in the bed, 5 days on the bed and 5 days around the bed! Recover, feed, cuddle, sleep & snack! You got this ❤️

WorrieaboutFIL · 31/10/2022 22:36

I can't see why not? Why would you feel this was unreasonable? You have been through a lot

Mountainpika · 31/10/2022 22:36

Why not? It's what you both need. You'll never have another chance with him. x

RishisProudMum · 31/10/2022 22:40

Who is the lunatic that voted YABU?!

OP, please have your baby moon! It’s not spoilt or demanding in any way.

MichaelFabricantWig · 31/10/2022 22:41

YANBU if you want to do it but I’m afraid I’d find just lying in bed for a weekend with a baby quite boring.

Shmithecat2 · 31/10/2022 22:42

Do it!!!! Only good can come of it. It was one of my favourite times from when ds was infant.

determinedtomakethiswork · 31/10/2022 22:43

Well if she gets bored she can get up again! It sounds as though you really need this, OP, so make the most of it.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 31/10/2022 22:45

You don’t mention any other children, so no reason not to do this.

Mummyongin · 31/10/2022 22:47

You have both been through so much. I think you sound like you are doing an amazing job and definitely go for it. Not even one tiny bit spoilt in my book.

I had a iugr baby at 37 weeks and a haemorrhage, no where near as challenging as your description but my god it was challenging to breastfeed. Massively well done for all your efforts with BF so far - it must be tough.

toor · 31/10/2022 22:47

Would you not be doing anything for yourself? Does your dp just make all your meals, drinks and have no time with the 2 of you? Sounds like my idea of hell but I'm not you.

SarahAndQuack · 31/10/2022 22:51

You poor love, you've been through the mill! Yes, definitely do this. A weekend is no time at all anyway - presumably the only person who needs to OK it is your DH, and it's hardly a struggle to bring someone snuggled up in bed tea/food and leave them to it? It's not more than he'd do if you had flu or whatever.

Why do you think it's a lot to ask?

If you do have other children, I'm sure he can manage them for a weekend!

Cw112 · 31/10/2022 22:52

Yup I think why not it sounds like a lovely way to bond do loads of skin to skin snuggling and just enjoy time together. It's most likely going to help your supply and promote feeding and there's no reason why your oh can't join you for the odd movie etc if you both get lonely and they miss baby. Just tell them this is something you feel you both really need as you're struggling and you think it'll help you both in the long term.

Verbena87 · 31/10/2022 22:54

Do it! It’s not selfish to do something that’ll almost certainly enhance your own and your baby’s wellbeing.

AFineBalance · 31/10/2022 22:56

Definitely do it. I think they are really valuable for bonding and improving feeding

RishisProudMum · 31/10/2022 22:59

toor · 31/10/2022 22:47

Would you not be doing anything for yourself? Does your dp just make all your meals, drinks and have no time with the 2 of you? Sounds like my idea of hell but I'm not you.

I think he can manage that for a weekend, surely? I’m not seeing the problem.

SarahAndQuack · 31/10/2022 22:59

Btw, my daughter was mix-fed from the start because she developed sepsis and had to have a tube and then we were told she needed top-up feeds because she wasn't thriving; DP (who is the birth mum) found it really hard, but when DP eventually got some time to just bond and snuggle, she found she did produce enough milk for DD without formula. It is very possible it can make a big difference just to be somewhere with no stress, lots of hydration, and lots of care.

AlwaysLatte · 31/10/2022 23:00

My goodness, you've both been through a lot. Your instincts are spot on - do it!

Oinkypig · 31/10/2022 23:03

Sounds perfectly lovely but I think you can use the internet if you want. Have a wonderful baby moon you’ve been through a tough time

bloodywitchescat · 31/10/2022 23:08

Do it, I think only good can come from the bonding time.

Isonthecase · 31/10/2022 23:12

Was wondering how you were getting on after the tough time you had during pregnancy and after, glad things are improving 😊 You're minimising the struggles you had during pregnancy too, you are definitely due some positives!!

I've spent a few hours in bed with mine at every opportunity, just relaxing and enjoying each others company. It feels really decadent but such a treat, wish I'd allowed myself that time with the others.

Only thing I would say is that it might be worth getting outside for a bit each day as otherwise sleeping rhythms can get worse. Nothing a half hour walk or sit in the garden can't cover though.

parameter · 31/10/2022 23:13

Absolutely, it’s a great idea!

Crazyducklady · 31/10/2022 23:14

What a difficult start for you both. You’re doing incredibly well and a weekend of snuggles skin to skin is an excellent plan. In fact, as much of this as you want for as long as you want. Lots to drink and snack on close at hand for you. Get as much rest as you can but be afraid to watch a movie or read while you’re cuddling if you want to!
Lots of love to you both 💗

Crazyducklady · 31/10/2022 23:15

Obviously should say *don’t be afraid… 🤦‍♀️

nutbrownhare15 · 31/10/2022 23:16

You've been through so much, you deserve this. I'd also recommend going to a bf support group for support with breastfeeding.

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