To take my three month old to bed for a weekend delayed babymoon

[theotherfossilsister]

Ds was born five weeks prematurely in July, however due to IUGR he was the size of a thirty one weekend. He spent eighteen days in neonatal and I am so grateful that once I was discharged from maternity I was allowed to stay there. He was born by emergency c section and I lost a lot of blood and because of all this we were separated immediately.

When we came out of hospital my mother was staying and although well meaning she was very hard work and needed a lot of looking after.

Soon after Ds had unexplained hypoxia on the breast (I was still only part bring, I never established it properly despite pumping all the time in neonatal.) He was in hospital for three nights to try to find a cause.

Later he would be admitted again for bronchiolitis.

I have been in a mother baby psychiatric unit for severe perinatal OCD (a really positive experience but the admission and events leading to it were traumatic.)

We established bfing a bit more in the mbu but never totally, and we never had that babymoon time. I guess lots of people don't because of circumstances.

I'd just love to do it now, just me and him in a clean bed for a weekend really focusing on each other, no internet, or interruptions and trying to bf more. He's currently mix fed with lots more formula than bf. I know this time is a luxury and it's a lot to ask of dp but I think it would help undo some of the trauma. I also feel spoilt and demanding and a bit airy fairy asking for it though.

This sounds like a lovely idea. I curled up in bed for two days with books by stand up comedians when DC2 was born and just fed her and snacked, and it was really great to bond with her. Wish I’d done similar after DC1 but I was too caught up with doing everything the midwife said, being up and about for visits etc.

I think that sounds like a wonderful idea.

I thought a babymoon usually referred to the parents going on a final holiday before baby arrives? I've never heard of just going to bed with your baby for days on end. Personally it sounds bloody awful, I'd be bored out of my mind and I find I get a bit down if I spend too long in bed and need some fresh air, exercise and a change of scene

But if this actually appeals to you then I can't see why you wouldn't do it

Wtf is a babymoon?

I think a baby moon means something different but your idea sounds great!

I have never heard of a babymoon?

Anyway I actually think given your history the very last thing you need is to isolate yourself in bed for a whole weekend. You can spend precious bonding time with your baby without doing that. You haven't missed out on something there I don't think it's a normal part of having a newborn to stay in bed and it's not good for you mentally.

She explains in the OP. This is not a helpful comment to a struggling new mother.

Do it OP and enjoy every single second with your lovely baby x

Thank you so much for all your lovely replies. I guess I thought I should just feel lucky for what we do have (so many times our story could have had a sadder ending.) But then I feel like this could potentially heal some of the trauma. Dp could join us sometimes yes, and like pp said I'm hoping it might stimulate my milk a bit.

We normally have stuff on at weekends and it feels greedy to claim a whole one for this s but also so necessary.

Even without what you've been through, it's a great idea at 3 months.

And babymoon has been a thing forever, for the sceptical - it was around when my almost 19 yo was a baby. Its stems from way back when women were allowed to be just a mum, at least when it mattered.

Love your username @theotherfossilsister. Amazing idea and not the least bit selfish, but even if it was, you deserve to do what makes you feel safe and comfortable.

Ignore the tiny minority of nonsense comments. A laying in period of a month is still traditional in many cultures and for good reason. Some rest and time for bonding sounds great. One suggestion- don’t feel there are dos and donts - if you fancy watching tv, do it, or going for a walk, or anything at all. Make it your time.

I did similar with both my babies once or twice just to reconnect, focus on BF on demand and skin on skin, and I (thankfully) had entirely complication free labours, births and newborns.

It probably wasn't the whole w/e, and I'm sure I didn't stay in bed the entire time, but I didn't get dressed, leave the house or do anything other than for myself or the baby. I did read cos 3 month olds are great at chatting!

I can't see anything but benefits for you both.

I wish you all the best.

You have a Orem three month, first born, and you normally "have stuff on at weekends"? Wow!

Even more reason to spend a weekend in bed, IMHO.

*prem, sorry

I think it's a wonderful idea!!! You've had a rough time and need to get your equilibrium back. Silence and calm is just the ticket.

My sons are in their 30s but when they were each born DH and I were encouraged to 'cocoon' for 2 weeks. No visitors beyond very immediate family and then only very short visits, 10-15 mins. Plenty of relaxing in bed to establish BF. It was bliss and brought us even closer.

Aw OP congrats on your baby anc sorry for this rough start. Enjoy your baby moon x

Um, shouldn't your mum be looking after you, not the other way around?

The only thing I would suggest is to keep moving (rather than as a PP mentioned it used to be a week in bed...) to avoid any chance of clots, in the same way as there can in in long air flights. Don't want to worry you, just take care!

And definitely clear your weekends of “stuff” more generally for a bit! Quiet low-pressure family-unit bonding time for the win!

If you usually do things at weekends, can't you do it in the week? Get DH to make you a lunch before he goes. You would have to get up and make yourself tea and DS's formula but really that's not going to take massively huge amounts of time, you could pop him skin to skin in a sling while you do it.

Do you have other children?

Tbh it's a bit worrying that you think Donna your own thing for a weekend is a lot to ask.

Or too much for your oh?

I dont get it

Sounds perfect, you cam do this pretty much any time- you don't have to "earn" or justify it :-) on the breastfeeding front baby will still need formula but you can offer breast, offer formula (slightly less than what you'd usually give) then back on breast after. Gradually reducing formula as your milk supply increases. A weekend in bed will be perfect for this!

I think you should maybe try and slow everything down slightly for a longer period than just one weekend. Still go out for walks and fresh air but maybe not things scheduled every weekend.

Like another poster mentioned isolating yourself in bed might make you feel worse but if you keep an eye on that and get up if it happens it's hardly a big thing.

No harm in giving it a go. I'd try to manage your expectations a little though, as you might find your baby gets a bit bored, as at 3 months a lot enjoy the stimulation of getting out of the house, and seeing other faces, and one location might feel a but dull. So I'd say trial it, but don't be disappointed if you have to stop. Parenting your child is a life long experience and while it feels like you've missed out on something now, in the scheme of things, it's a tiny part if what your relationship will be.

I didn’t even know this was a thing but I had my DS at 35 weeks in similar circumstances who also spent nearly three weeks in hospital and has been repeatedly admitted ever since so I understand part of what you’ve gone through. I didn’t breastfeed so I suppose I wouldn’t have needed exactly what you are talking about but it sounds a lovely idea. I regularly had weekends doing fuck all which is similar but we usually managed at least a walk every day because it’s good for the mind but after that - Netflix and chocolate all the way.

A weekend off sounds lovely. My DS is 3 months too and I had an EMCS but was home after 3 days. We spent pretty much the next month on the couch together!

The only thing is I'm not sure he would do that now at 3 months. In the last 2 weeks he has become a lot more active and wouldn't want to be cuddled 24/7 apart from when he is feeding/ snoozing. But I think a weekend with no plans where ye just spend some time together would be lovely.