How do I explain I don’t want anymore kids

[Justnosing]

I work in an environment where my clients and I talk about everything, from small talk to life choices to relationships. I love my job. However, I’m becoming increasingly aware of odd looks/comments when I explain I don’t want anymore children.

for context, I have one 4 year old. I love her dearly. But I know I wouldn’t be the mother I am to her if I had more than one. Reason being I just couldn’t be arsed to be quite frank, motherhood is draining and demanding, the worry never ends nor does the workload. I love the balance of my life as it is. I’m not really a “kid” person, so she is more than enough for me. We do everything together, and it’s easy enough with just her but I definitely wouldn’t want that x2. As I’m sure most of you are aware, life changes so much with kids and for me I just don’t want the mental physical and emotional load of multiple children.

when asked the question why I’m not having more I find myself rambling and trying to over explain that I love my DD endlessly but I don’t want anymore. I’m always concerned I’ll come off like I hate being her mum or regret having her or as if I don’t love her.

aibu to ask for a way to say this that will shut down catty comments and looks of concern without having the give the speech above/ramble

You are way overthinking it. The Halloween thing, honestly you should have just made a confused face back and said "Oh right" and moved on.

It kind of sounds to me like you're almost trying to justify this to yourself - and I say this because I feel very similar to you and I think I do the same!

But it's all fine, one child is absolutely perfectly fine!

Sometimes a firm “Oh do fuck off, do!” Is the only reasonable response.

I always just said breezily "No we're sticking with one" and a variety of the same blandly uninformative answer to every subsequent question. Watch any slippery politician for tips.

I do have resting dangerous face though so can usually make people back off.

You don't need to explain it at all, so why do you feel as though you do?

If someone asks if you're planning more, just say "probably not", and don't engage with any further questions. Engaging in that conversation will only encourage them.

Just breezily say "One's e ough for us!" and nothing else. You don't need to justify your decisions to anyone else.

@Justnosing

'for context, I have one 4 year old. I love her dearly. But I know I wouldn’t be the mother I am to her if I had more than one. Reason being I just couldn’t be arsed to be quite frank, motherhood is draining and demanding, the worry never ends nor does the workload. I love the balance of my life as it is. I’m not really a “kid” person, so she is more than enough for me. We do everything together, and it’s easy enough with just her but I definitely wouldn’t want that x2. As I’m sure most of you are aware, life changes so much with kids and for me I just don’t want the mental physical and emotional load of multiple children. '

Could have written this myself. I'm loving being a mum to one. Any more and i don't think I'd be the mum I'd want to be. Completely get this.

for some reason I’m assuming you’re either a hairdresser or do nails.
just change the subject. “I don’t want anymore” so what are your Christmas plans?

Sometimes people ask me if I will go for a third. I just say no I'm getting too old. I'm only 36 but they seem to accept it.

You need to learn some boundaries OP. I assume you are a hairdresser or beauty therapist, as very few jobs other one to one jobs involve sharing anything about your private life with your clients.

Yes they may wish to tell you all about their sex lives / medical issues but you don’t need to reciprocate, really you don’t. You need to practice hard with some of the excellent “ non answers” you have been given above, the “ We’ve decided it’s the right thing for us “ type and just keep repeating them over and ever again.

"Yes I am an amazing mum, but that's only possible because I have just one child!"

That would mean having SEX again. Once was enough. 😱

What you could also say is 'no our family feels complete' not much anybody can say to that.

One friend put it to me like this: '2 is great, really great, but we are really happy being one and done'. I cant believe people would be so judgemental about what is such a personal decision

I don't want anymore kids .

Is a full sentence

I work in children's services, there are so many overstretched families, this social worker friend is a twat if she equates good mum with many children.
Families come in many sizes and configurations.
If she says anything again I'd say you are a fantastic mum making the right choice for your family and ignoring societal pressure from fools.

OP you don't need to justify your choice to anyone, but some of the replies here are great.

One is enough, two is plenty.

DD was an only child until she was 6, we had a lovely relationship.

DS was born with a lot of issues from day one.

He is still a very demanding child. DD loves our rare time together without her Dbro dominating the scene.

You explain you don't want any more kids by saying ...

"I don't want any more kids"!

If you want to stop repeated intrusive questioning you could try what for me at least was an honest answer - it is usually very successful.
Person - are you having any more children?
Me - don’t know/not sure/you tell me (however strong you want to go), just had another miscarriage.

I used this once when asked loudly and in front of a large group by someone who barely knew me. DH thought I’d gone a bit too far - but I’m pretty certain she will never do that to anyone else, so I’m happy I did it.

Same, nobody has ever asked us if we're having any more and why not. I've only been asked when I'm going back to work (I had a baby under six months at that point). I could take from this that people don't think I should have another, which is less flattering than being advised you should have more...

It's really odd you're getting it daily.

I'd say "We're happy with one and comfortable with our decision" and do a hard stare.

I could be said to be the opposite end of the same problem. I have 4 children (all adult). I have no grandchildren and I have no desire for them ( been there, done it etc ) but get much the same as you OP from my comtempories who clearly think I'm lacking in something. As it happens 2 of my kids are unlikely to have children anyway, but that's another story!

If you feel the need to share then why not be honest and say one child is enough for you, your family feels complete. You have perfectly valid feelings.

I think a lot of the excuses people are posting in response are also over thinking this. A simple I just don't want more children and therfore won't be having any covers its perfectly. In response to you will regret it say I might also regret having a second. You owe no one an explanation. People love telling other people what they want especially when kids are involved! You know your mind, body and home set up and if people persist just say well its not anyone else's business but mine. My body my choice.

I laughed a lot as a teenager when my cousins wife was early fed up of being asked about kids wrote on social media "in response to questions around when I am having children I have this to say. When you grow them, give birth to them, look after them and pay for them on my behalf I will consider the option" 😂

You're overthinking this.

Just said, "We are happy with one" and change the subject.

Arent people intrusive! Surely anyone, particularly, who has had a kid in the first place knows the toll it can take and that the decision to have another is extremely personal and subjective. This equating having loads to loving your kid is bizarre! A great act of love is knowing your limits.

If people asked me if I was having another, I used to say something a bit jokey eg

Only if DH bears the next one.
Or
I don't think so! One's enough for me! Sometimes it's too much!