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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this really fucking irritating?

83 replies

WhatToys · 30/10/2022 14:51

DH has this habit of hearing the end of a conversation and wanting to know what it was about. Doesn't sound too annoying, but it's ALL THE TIME.

For example, just now DS and I were talking about chilli peanuts, and I agreed with him that they're nice. DH hard me saying that they're nice and he pops his head out wanting to know what's nice.

Or he comes in on the end of a conversation where he hears one of us saying something innocuous like "Yeah I know" or "I suppose" or whatever and he's looking around going "What?" wanting to know what the conversation was about.

I wouldn't mind if he heard "Oh my god, are you serious??!" or "No way! That's amazing!" - something that sounds really interesting - but it's just random, not especially interesting, conversations which DH then expects us to relay back to him.

There's no issue of us hiding anything from him - that has never been the case, so it's not like he has some kind of worry in that regard. He's just being nosy, and I'm finding it really fucking irritating.

AIBU? Would this annoy you and if so what would you do / say? I don't want to make a big deal thing of it.

OP posts:
tickticksnooze · 30/10/2022 15:00

You're annoyed that your husband wants to join in with social interactions with his family?

Original poster
WhatToys · 30/10/2022 15:08

tickticksnooze · 30/10/2022 15:00

You're annoyed that your husband wants to join in with social interactions with his family?

🙄 Of course not. That's not what I said.

OP posts:
Keyansier · 30/10/2022 15:14

He's trying to join in on conversations and you for whatever reason are trying to gatekeep them, even though you yourself describe the conversations as 'innocuous'. I agree with the first poster.

CampariAndSoda · 30/10/2022 15:23

It’s annoying to have to repeat the conversation you’ve just had if it is just mundane stuff. YANBU.

Sparkletastic · 30/10/2022 15:40

My DH does this too. So fucking annoying. Can't be arsed to listen or join in then expects a précis.

Original poster
WhatToys · 30/10/2022 15:42

I love when he joins in with conversations.

But in the scenarios that I'm talking about, he doesn't. Just comes in on the end of a conversation, wants to know what it was about, and goes on again. Random mundane conversations (mundane is exactly the right word, thanks @CampariAndSoda )

I'm not trying to keep anything from him! But seriously, do you always want to know what every conversation was about when you come in to hear someone saying "Yeah I know" or something equally dull and uninteresting?

OP posts:
Heartsofstone · 30/10/2022 15:51

It sounds like the op is saying He doesn’t want to join in though… more that he is being lazy and expecting a conclusion. Is he too busy to give his time to the whole conversation? .

Original poster
WhatToys · 30/10/2022 15:54

When he's there he joins in whatever is going on. This is where he's not even there for any of the conversation - just happens to come in to hear a random comment like "Yeah I guess so" or "They are" or whatever random comment one of us is making, and looks around going "What?" and wants us to repeat the entire thing just to satisfy his nosiness curiosity.

OP posts:
YellowTreeHouse · 30/10/2022 15:56

Why have you name changed?

Keyansier · 30/10/2022 15:57

Heartsofstone · 30/10/2022 15:51

It sounds like the op is saying He doesn’t want to join in though… more that he is being lazy and expecting a conclusion. Is he too busy to give his time to the whole conversation? .

How can he join in on a conversation he's not there for? Hmm

I find this thread rather sad tbh. For all anyone knows he could be going deaf and losing his hearing.

Original poster
WhatToys · 30/10/2022 16:03

Sorry, didn't mean to name change!

He's not going deaf 😅 His hearing is perfect.

He's not there for these conversations (how many times do I have to repeat this?!) He comes in to the room, hears a random comment, and wants to know what the whole conversation was about.

OP posts:
RishisProudMum · 30/10/2022 16:21

WhatToys · 30/10/2022 16:03

Sorry, didn't mean to name change!

He's not going deaf 😅 His hearing is perfect.

He's not there for these conversations (how many times do I have to repeat this?!) He comes in to the room, hears a random comment, and wants to know what the whole conversation was about.

Have you asked him to stop?

LannieDuck · 30/10/2022 16:31

Yes, I'd find it very irritating.

My kids do it sometimes, and sometimes I'll repeat it for them if it's relevant, but other times it's just nothing to do with them at all and there's no reason for me to stand there and repeat the whole thing just because they're being nosey.

RightOnTheEdge · 30/10/2022 16:35

My ds is exactly the same. Sometimes he is sitting right there though but staring at his phone or something and then he wants us to repeat the entire conversation to him.
It drives dd mad and then it ends up in arguments 🙄

Original poster
WhatToys · 30/10/2022 16:39

RishisProudMum · 30/10/2022 16:21

Have you asked him to stop?

Show quote history

No, because I don't want him accusing me of wanting to exclude him, like some people here are doing 😅

If anyone has a good way of phrasing it, please let me know! 😉

OP posts:
Handyweatherstation · 30/10/2022 16:44

I used to do this as a teen, I'd walk into a room where other family were and say 'What?' or 'Who?'. It was no doubt annoying, but I was honestly just being friendly and I'd have been mortified if someone had got cross with me.

InFiveMins · 30/10/2022 16:51

YANBU. It would drive me insane. Tell him to pack it in.

RishisProudMum · 30/10/2022 16:53

WhatToys · 30/10/2022 16:39

No, because I don't want him accusing me of wanting to exclude him, like some people here are doing 😅

If anyone has a good way of phrasing it, please let me know! 😉

Show quote history

Do you often have difficulty expressing very low level dissatisfaction to your life partner? This isn’t a complicated issue, so if you’re crowdsourcing words from strangers to talk to the man you’ve married, that’s not a great sign.

CanYouFeelMyHeart · 30/10/2022 16:55

My son does this, it's epically annoying!

I just tell him I'm not having the same exact conversation over again, especially when it didn't concern him in the first place.

RishisProudMum · 30/10/2022 16:56

Handyweatherstation · 30/10/2022 16:44

I used to do this as a teen, I'd walk into a room where other family were and say 'What?' or 'Who?'. It was no doubt annoying, but I was honestly just being friendly and I'd have been mortified if someone had got cross with me.

This. I know quite a few people that do this and it’s obviously never occurred to them that it might be annoying. And if nobody ever tells them, it never will.

This is the third thread today that could probably be solved by ‘please could you not XX’ being said to someone’s husband. I don’t understand some people’s inability to have a straightforward conversation.

TurkeyTeeth · 30/10/2022 17:01

MIL does this all the time. It's maddening.

It's usually something really insignificant or of absolutely no consequence to her whatsoever - like reminding DH to pay the DS's football subs for this half term - and she'll pipe up wanting to know what needs paying and I have to repeat the whole bloody conversation again. Such a waste of my time and no one benefits.

Original poster
WhatToys · 30/10/2022 17:03

RishisProudMum · 30/10/2022 16:53

Do you often have difficulty expressing very low level dissatisfaction to your life partner? This isn’t a complicated issue, so if you’re crowdsourcing words from strangers to talk to the man you’ve married, that’s not a great sign.

Show quote history

No... I'm not having any kind of a crisis over it 😁 Just a little grumble. I don't want to hurt him (like a pp said she used to do it and would be mortified if she thought it annoyed anyone).

OP posts:
RishisProudMum · 30/10/2022 17:08

WhatToys · 30/10/2022 17:03

No... I'm not having any kind of a crisis over it 😁 Just a little grumble. I don't want to hurt him (like a pp said she used to do it and would be mortified if she thought it annoyed anyone).

Show quote history

I didn’t say you were having a crisis. I said ‘low level dissatisfaction’, which is about as far away from ‘crisis’ as one can get.

I’m saying that if you can’t express mild dissatisfaction and ask your DH to stop doing something without him being hurt and accusing you of excluding him, then that’s not great.

Toddlerteaplease · 30/10/2022 17:09

My dad is Just like that. It's taken months to get him to go for a hearing test.

GoldenOmber · 30/10/2022 17:10

Tut tut, OP, were you not aware that nobody's allowed to grumble on Mumsnet? It's divorce-worthy flaming rows ONLY! Grin

One of my DC does this (despite being asked politely not to multiple times, sigh) and my MIL does this and would cry if asked not to. It isn't the worst thing in the world but it is really bloody irritating.