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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this really fucking irritating?

83 replies

WhatToys · 30/10/2022 14:51

DH has this habit of hearing the end of a conversation and wanting to know what it was about. Doesn't sound too annoying, but it's ALL THE TIME.

For example, just now DS and I were talking about chilli peanuts, and I agreed with him that they're nice. DH hard me saying that they're nice and he pops his head out wanting to know what's nice.

Or he comes in on the end of a conversation where he hears one of us saying something innocuous like "Yeah I know" or "I suppose" or whatever and he's looking around going "What?" wanting to know what the conversation was about.

I wouldn't mind if he heard "Oh my god, are you serious??!" or "No way! That's amazing!" - something that sounds really interesting - but it's just random, not especially interesting, conversations which DH then expects us to relay back to him.

There's no issue of us hiding anything from him - that has never been the case, so it's not like he has some kind of worry in that regard. He's just being nosy, and I'm finding it really fucking irritating.

AIBU? Would this annoy you and if so what would you do / say? I don't want to make a big deal thing of it.

OP posts:
SlashBeef · 01/11/2022 22:57

My husband does this too!!
I've started responding to his "what?" with a counter "what..?" Confuses him and he gives up.

1982mommaof4 · 02/11/2022 00:45

beastlyslumber · 30/10/2022 23:28

Him: What?
You: oh we were just saying how you always walk in on a conversation and expect the whole thing to be repeated for you

😂

Jibberstanley · 02/11/2022 06:43

Byfleet · 30/10/2022 17:14

OP I understand exactly what you mean and I don’t get why so many other people haven’t really read what you said.

DH does this and when I tried to tell him it was annoying to have to rehash mundane chat he accused me of being impatient. So, recently I have taken a different approach based on the ‘grey rock’ technique. I try very very hard not to show any annoyance at all and just say to him ‘oh it’s really not worth repeating’ and then move on to another topic. I think it will eventually work because he will get no reward from it anymore (ie. he won’t get the useless info he wants and he won’t wind me up either-I think that‘s what he secretly wants)

I have had great success with this technique in putting a stop to DH asking where things are. For years I would patiently take it on as if it were my problem to find his things for him. Later on I wasn’t patient at all and used to get really annoyed. So he would tell me I was unhelpful and tetchy. So a couple of years ago it decided to answer very calmly and politely ‘I don’t know where that is’ grey rock style. And eventually he stopped asking. Result!

This is genius. I will try it on our dd who is relentless on this.

The way you described it here is so exactly right. Patience, then impatience which is taken as an affront, leading to arguments.

I did the grey rock thing on finding things, what’s in the fridge, what is there for lunch etc. Worked a treat there too.

Jibberstanley · 02/11/2022 06:47

SeaToSki · 31/10/2022 09:59

Take a moment when you are both happy and calm

DH, i have noticed you xyand z and its driving me a bit batty. Could we agree that you will try and cut back on the amount you do it and I will promise to repeat any conversation that i think you would find genuinely interesting or benefit from hearing

then see how it goes

I like this one too - the mutual promise might appeal to DD because it’s driven by FOMO

Razzle5 · 02/11/2022 06:54

sort of thing that is tip of ice burg to all the things that are going to annoy the shit out of you when you’re both retired and with each other most of the day

Razzle5 · 02/11/2022 06:56

Byfleet · 30/10/2022 17:14

OP I understand exactly what you mean and I don’t get why so many other people haven’t really read what you said.

DH does this and when I tried to tell him it was annoying to have to rehash mundane chat he accused me of being impatient. So, recently I have taken a different approach based on the ‘grey rock’ technique. I try very very hard not to show any annoyance at all and just say to him ‘oh it’s really not worth repeating’ and then move on to another topic. I think it will eventually work because he will get no reward from it anymore (ie. he won’t get the useless info he wants and he won’t wind me up either-I think that‘s what he secretly wants)

I have had great success with this technique in putting a stop to DH asking where things are. For years I would patiently take it on as if it were my problem to find his things for him. Later on I wasn’t patient at all and used to get really annoyed. So he would tell me I was unhelpful and tetchy. So a couple of years ago it decided to answer very calmly and politely ‘I don’t know where that is’ grey rock style. And eventually he stopped asking. Result!

But presumably then you have to suck up him thrashing around looking for something. When you know precisely where it is?

newnamethanks · 02/11/2022 07:02

Seems a little unfair on your husband, however, you do you. What infuriates me is catching the latter half of an interview on radio and not knowing who is being interviewed. Interviewers used to sign off with a 'thank you, NAME'. Now they don't. It's immensely annoying to me.

EmmaDilemma5 · 02/11/2022 07:09

Id just reply with "oh nothing, don't worry". Or I'd just walk away and act like I didn't hear him.

I'd find him really annoying!

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