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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel annoyed at age inappropriate gift giving (Padded bra's and ladyshaves for 10year old DD)

85 replies

BlindBint · 28/01/2008 17:52

My father's wife (Who hasn't got children herself)is constantly slagging me off to my DD in oh so subtle ways, and now is really getting on my nerves.
At Christmas, She bought her a bra. A PADDED bra. DD is quite young for her age, has no need for a bra, and has no interest in them. She was visibly embarrassed.

Now I recieve a phonecall from my sister (who lives next door to them-yes, they are so far up each others arses) asking if I would mind if Father's wife bought DD a ladyshave for her birthday.

WTF?!

Yes, of course I mind! "Happy Birthday, we think you've got hairy legs and need to shave them".

I am seething. As you may have gathered, relations with this part of the family (My father, his wife and my sister) are very strained, and they are constantly pushing the boundaries and making me feel like an inadequate parent.
But to give my daughter a ladyshave is outrageous! She isn't even hairy, and she is very light blonde as well.

It seems to me that Father's wife is trying to be able to say "I bought you your first bra" etc. etc.

Why can't they let her be a child? I don't think she should need to even think about if her legs need a shave or not.

Whenever things have come to a head in the past (as it has on many occasions) they have ended up turning things round so that it makes me feel as if I have been the unreasonable one, even though everyone else says I was in the right. I don't want these battles everytime a special occasion comes up.

What would you do?!

OP posts:
MaryAnnSingleton · 28/01/2008 18:51

she sounds barking - completely innapropriate YANBU at all !

pankhurst · 28/01/2008 20:47

LOL dog clippers!

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 28/01/2008 20:59

YANBU as if kids don't grow up too fast as it is these days.

Ubergeekian · 28/01/2008 21:09

BlindBint: "They then accuse me of being ungrateful and conspiring to turn my daughter against them "

But that sounds like exactly what you should be doing!

Jackstini · 28/01/2008 21:09

YANBU - the woman is a freak
Send her this for grey pubeswww.smartbeautyshop.com/acatalog/BikiniColour.html
When she says it is inappropriate you can just go "dah!!!"
Seriously, I would have to tell her. Even apart from your opinion, the fact is she made your dd squirm with embarrassment - completely unacceptable

thelittleElf · 28/01/2008 21:14

OMG

ruddynorah · 28/01/2008 21:15

when i was 19 my father's wife got me a weird bra christmas present. it was from a car boot sale, was greyed from over washing, and was a size 28AA. i was a size 34D. she said, 'i thought it might not be your size so you could just give it to someone else.' errr thanks.

captainmummy · 28/01/2008 21:21

Hi Bindbint - these sort of 'presents' are really sending out the wrong messages, and I am amazed that any woman would send a ladyshave or a bra to a child. It seems not a little bit creepy to me. Do they see your dd much?

mumclaire · 28/01/2008 21:22

Am totally at the inappropriateness of these gifts!!! Love the Tena ladies idea!!
On a more practical note (sorry) Can you make some suggestions as to what dd would like/need e.g. bite your lip firmly and say 'dd doesn't need a ladyshave yet but she does need a...... '
If you are feeling really generous it could be something you know dd would really love and so father and fathers wife get the kudos and may understand a little better what dd wants?
Or maybe I'm being naive and choosing to believe the best in people....

controlfreakygobshite · 28/01/2008 21:28

yab FAR too nice mumclaire..... such niceness would be wasted on these mad / bad people.

mumclaire · 28/01/2008 21:39

Oh all right then....
tie them up with the padded bra and then shave off all their hair with the ladyshave...

amytheearwaxbanisher · 28/01/2008 21:40

yanbu lol at tenalady

Lauriefairycake · 28/01/2008 21:54

I think you should take all the ideas people have posted and put them in a big giftwrapped wicker basket for your dads wife for next christmas.

  1. Tena Lady bumper pack
  2. Jolene Bleach
  3. KY Jelly
  4. Menopause cream
  5. a vibrator
  6. ear and nose trimmers
  7. pube dye
  8. mature skin moisturiser
  9. slip on cream pumps
10. chinese love balls

with a really giant bow on the basket

duchesse · 28/01/2008 22:00

Tell them to boil their heads, that you are her mum, not them, and that these firsts, when they need to occur, will happen under your tutelage not that of a deranged relative.

seeker · 28/01/2008 22:02

I am still seething at the t shirt my db and sil gave my dd for her 12th birthday that said "I love shoes and shopping and chocolate and men....as long as they're rich" And she was 12! I would have been INCANDESCENT if anyone had given her this sort of stuff at 9 and 10!

moljam · 28/01/2008 22:05

yanbu.only read op but am and for you!totally inapropiate!

mumeeee · 28/01/2008 22:11

YANBU.My 16 year old uses a ladyshave but she only started using it a few months ago.
Tell them youdon't want your child to grow up to fasst then give them some suggestions of things that your DD would really like.

foofi · 28/01/2008 22:13

YANBU. How bizarre.

Shitemum · 28/01/2008 22:21

lol at lauriefairycake!

Jackstini · 29/01/2008 08:05

Oh Fairycake - pmsl at your gift basket!
Blindbint - at least you know now YANB in the slightest U.
Hope you get chance to speak with your sister about it soon

hercules1 · 29/01/2008 08:06

They sound mad. You are not being unreasonable at all.

Upwind · 29/01/2008 08:23

you are being extraordinarily reasonable under the circs! they are clearly both bonkers and creepy

Ubergeekian · 29/01/2008 09:56

seeker: "I am still seething at the t shirt my db and sil gave my dd for her 12th birthday that said "I love shoes and shopping and chocolate and men....as long as they're rich""

What about the 12 year old who arrived at a residential course I was running wearing a T-shirt saying "Porn Star In Training"? Or the rather well-developed 13-year old whose T-shirt said "Don't Look At Them If You Can't Afford To Touch Them"?

Their parents had sent them like that!

Am I being crudely stereotyping when I say that the sort of people who dress their ten year olds like streetwalkers are also those who scream loudest about paedophiles? Or paediatricians, of course ...

TheHonEnid · 29/01/2008 10:00

I dont often write this but:

YANBU

kinder put it perfectly:

"The sound you just heard was thousands of jaws dropping all over the country, well the world really, as MNetters everywhere struggle to comprehend your insane relations."

TheHonEnid · 29/01/2008 10:01

Tell your dd they are weird and they have no idea about presents

otherwise she might think she is supposed to like them (the presnets)