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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THE OP'S QUESTIONS-We will leave this thread up to allow posters to offer their condolences if they wish

338 replies

debbiedesperado · 29/10/2022 23:38

My mum is 80 and has chronic COPD. She has had no quality of life for the past 18 months and has been in and out of hospital frequently. Yesterday she was in a lot of pain in her leg, it was totally paper white when I looked and she couldn't move her toes or feel her leg. Up to a and e we went.

She has a blood clot in her leg. They said for a healthy person they would operate straight away however she wouldn't survive the operation. They put her on morphine, antibiotics and a drug to try and dissolve the clot.

The doctor and surgeon this morning said that nothing is working and at this stage they would want to amputate the leg but she won't survive the surgery so basically there is nothing they can do.

My mum knows what is going on and is quite calm about it although she is still in some pain and hasn't eaten. Palliative care is starting tomorrow.

I feel really overwhelmed and numb, her leg is turning black. What can I expect from here? It seems they are just waiting for sepsis to set in and this sounds like an extremely painful death.

What should I expect from here? Does anyone know a timeline that I can expect deterioration? I am trying to prepare myself but also thinking surely there must be SOMETHING they can do? It doesn't seem right to just let her lie there with a black leg and let sepsis set in.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 30/10/2022 19:44

I am so sorry for your loss. I am so glad it was peaceful and she wasn’t in pain. Flowers

olympicsrock · 30/10/2022 19:57

Sorry for your loss OP. I’m glad it was peaceful.
love and strength xx

Supergirl1958 · 30/10/2022 20:52

Sending hugs OP, sorry for your loss xx

Newtt · 30/10/2022 22:01

I am so very sorry for your loss.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
All the best.

Blocked · 30/10/2022 22:06

Oh goodness OP. I thought you would have had a few weeks - but I'm glad it was quick and peaceful. Sorry for your loss Flowers

workingeverysingkeday · 30/10/2022 22:07

I'm so sorry. Take care x

CherryIce · 30/10/2022 23:07

Sorry for your loss Op x

blubberball · 30/10/2022 23:11

So sorry for your loss 💐

Poppyseed14 · 30/10/2022 23:15

Sending you much love OP XX

CirclesandStars · 30/10/2022 23:26

So sorry for your loss OP.

bellabasset · 30/10/2022 23:38

I'm sorry for your loss but thankful your mother was peaceful and not in pain

KimberleyClark · 30/10/2022 23:42

So sorry for your loss but glad it was peaceful.

kateandme · 31/10/2022 03:00

Oh op I’m sorry. I do hope you got to have the moments you needed. I no you were initially in such shock. Blimey what a range of emotions you have had loaded your way.
we all here for you if u need us.
im glad you have your family.
take lots of care.

JustMoved123 · 31/10/2022 03:08

Sending my condolences, I’m glad she was pain free and you were with her and hope you can take some comfort in that 💐

VillanellesCoat · 31/10/2022 03:23

Love & strength to you and yours 💐xx

Vallmo47 · 31/10/2022 07:43

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. For her sake, I’m glad she’s now at peace. Sending love ❤️

Tiani4 · 31/10/2022 07:50

Kind thoughts to you OP on your loss.

I'm relieved for you that she went peacefully with her family around her. I know it feels sudden and a shock still, a lot to take in. I hope you are ok and have family and friends around you too .

Redkettle · 31/10/2022 07:53

So sorry xxxxxx

ThreeRingCircus · 31/10/2022 08:01

Sending you condolences OP. I'm glad your mum died peacefully and that you got to spend time with her. It sounds like she was at peace with the decision and her suffering has now ended. Sometimes dying with dignity is the best way forwards. Look after yourself.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 31/10/2022 08:54

I'm so sorry. I'm glad you were able to be with your DM towards the end.

merrymelodies · 31/10/2022 09:06

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum, @debbiedesperado. It seems to have all happened so quickly and you must be emotionally exhausted and, of course, grief-stricken. Thinking of you and your mum and sending love.

Huntswomanonthemove · 31/10/2022 12:42

Condolences @debbiedesperado Flowers

bewarethetides · 31/10/2022 12:48

I'm glad she wasn't in any pain. Very sorry for your loss. Flowers

ShutYerYapAndGetOnWithIt · 31/10/2022 12:52

So sorry for your loss, OP. I'm glad you were able to be with your mum at the end. xx

rainbowstardrops · 31/10/2022 13:56

So sorry for your loss Flowers

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