Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

DH messages about me

96 replies

Frankie2015 · 29/10/2022 21:14

So I found out the hard way why you should not.m look on other peoples phones. I'm planning a surprise party for my DH and so needed some of his friends phone numbers I don't have. He has a group what's app with about 5 of his close friends on there so I sneaked a look at his phone with a plan to take a photo of the phone numbers of those in the group.

Anyway I click on and the last messages are from him being quite horrible about me. Basically....does any one else's mrs just talk at them when your trying to watch tv. She was having a conversation with someone and it was f'ing me and he wanted me to shut up and go away. Paraphrasing but basically not nice at all!!

I think I'm really hurt by it as I was telling him about what a great day our sons had had ad how they were asking if he could come next time. Plus I've just had a baby so we have zero time to have a conversation I was just so happy to be chatting to him plus tmi maybe but it was the first time we had been intimate that morning in a long time so felt a lot closer to him and was excited to talk to him quickly but he just wanted me to go away it seems. I was talking to him for max 5 mins then went to sort the baby.

AIBU for snooping and being upset. ( it may be my post natal hormones making me more sensitive)?

Should I say something but then he knows I've looked at his phone although was innocent? Or just forget it and he entitled to moan about me to his friend?

OP posts:

Buttercupsx · 30/10/2022 07:20

Not much difference between a WhatsApp conversation and forum thread. Except one is “private” and the other is public. Let’s hope he does not go through your phone or browse the through mumsnet. Bizarre that very few people here clock on to that. Turns it all into a slag fest

Freltaskelta · 30/10/2022 07:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ as the OP has privacy concerns.

elephantseal · 30/10/2022 07:39

Buttercupsx · 30/10/2022 07:20

They are totally different because Mumsnet is anonymous. No one on here knows who OP's h is. But he's whingeing to his mates about op. They DO know who she is.

Constellationstation · 30/10/2022 07:39

To the people who are saying that posting about someone on a forum is the same as slagging someone off on WhatsApp, if someone started a post on here saying 'my husband keeps trying to talk to me while I'm watching TV, I wish he'd shut up and go away' I think people would pretty quickly call them out on it.
I'd be really upset about my husband slagging me off like this. I've struggled with a chatty partner while I'm trying to watch tv and been too exhausted for conversation, but there's no way I'd jump on a group WhatsApp and slag them off for it because it's mean and bitchy. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that and I certainly wouldn't want to have them as a significant other.
He has no respect for you and sounds like a real cunt to be honest. This seems like the tip of the iceberg.

Believeinyou · 30/10/2022 07:47

I don't think you're overreacting - it was nasty moany crap. He does feck all and now you aren't even allowed to talk to him about his kids

i'd be tempted to post in the whatsapp - anyone else a lazy twat and do fuck all to help their wife with newborn baby ?

Summerfun54321 · 30/10/2022 08:07

You’ve done exactly what you are complaining about by making this thread. I generally don’t moan about my DH but he can be annoying and so can I. Talking while he’s watching TV would definitely piss my DH off and visa versa.

AnuSTart · 30/10/2022 09:06

Believeinyou · 30/10/2022 07:47

I don't think you're overreacting - it was nasty moany crap. He does feck all and now you aren't even allowed to talk to him about his kids

i'd be tempted to post in the whatsapp - anyone else a lazy twat and do fuck all to help their wife with newborn baby ?

This is a great idea!

Create a WhatsApp group with your mates and add DH into it. Make that your first group post. Genius.

JennyNotFromTheBlock · 30/10/2022 10:47

Frankie2015 · 29/10/2022 21:33

So he does not help with the baby at all, he sleeps in a separate room since the baby was born and has done zero nights feed and barely helps during the day just to hold him if I need to quickly get something or have a wee say. Think selfish 1950s dad stereotype! That has had a big impact on our relationship but we are usually happy.
He's better with my older child but they are self sufficient and just want to play.
He never moans about me to my face and I didn't even get the vibe I was getting on his nerves to he honest. I hate confrontation but I'm so annoyed/upset about it. I do get the whinging to friends because of course I do it about him so I'm being a hypocrite really I guess, it was just so unexpected and nasty for no reason

Why are you planning a surprise party for this scumbag! Wow, his behaviour is terrible. Why aren't you DEMANDING he help with the baby?! Why are you accepting this? And then he speaks about you like that? Wow. In the nicest way, please give your head a wobble and DEMAND his help. It's his child, he should be doing 50%. He is only acting like 'from the 1950s', because you let him! Why?

Scousefab · 16/02/2023 20:49

It’s natural to be wanting conversation when you have been looking after a baby all day with no company! To be honest it takes its toll on a relationship having a newborn just let him vent! My partner huffs at me when I talk over the TV I just keep talking haha! Maybe give him the silent treatment quite funny to see how he. Reacts at least then you can have a little chuckle to yourself x

fryanddry · 28/04/2023 07:54

No he sounds 2 faced and in my opinion when a man finds you annoying its because he doesnt like you sorry op

tennesseewhiskey1 · 28/04/2023 07:58

Bigger issue is how useless he is with the child.

the talking to me while I’m watching tv annoys the shit out of me too so for me - I would be the same as him.

Again - you have bigger issues than talking to him while he’s watching tv.

Nordicrain · 28/04/2023 08:00

Why are you with someone who treats you with such disdain?

IfICouldIStillWouldNot · 28/04/2023 08:06

Don't organise a party for him, try not to speak to him at all.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 28/04/2023 08:08

So he moans to his friend, and you moans on MN to anyone who will read it (perhaps including his Mum).

No one’s is perfect, OP. He’s a moaner , you’re a snoop….or conversely , you’re a bit tired and emotionally volatile, and he was a bit annoyed that he missed the crucial clue in his programme.

just turn the page .

HappyHourStartsNow · 28/04/2023 08:11

blippi123 · 29/10/2022 22:09

I take it he wasn't this useless with the other children otherwise I'm struggling to see why you've had another child and are surprised by his actions

Is that response intended to be helpful or supportive?

portugalq · 28/04/2023 08:12

Zombie thread. But reading this makes me sad - @Frankie2015 I hope you realised the first few posters who suggested you’d overreacted didn’t have the full picture of your DH being unsupportive and in fact would have been on your side. Hope things are going okay for you.

billy1966 · 28/04/2023 08:15

Charcy · 29/10/2022 21:45

Too right!!
And a child he does absolutely nothing for by the looks of OPs update.

I'd be throwing him a surprise moving out party at best. God I hate men like this.

Show quote history

This.

Of course people are allowed a moan but he sounds like a really lazy sod.

Ditch the party.

You are doing too much as it is.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 28/04/2023 08:29

Surely the main issue is that he leaves you to do 100% of his share of parenting his child. Did you agree to 1950s roles?

And yes he might have been annoyed but he could have paused the tv or said something. Instead of messaging a friend. When my husband has interrupted my TV it's annoying because he says something. Then silent for a while. Then says something. Then quiet. Then starts a new conversion....I keep pausing the tv if its something I'm struggling to concentrate on and ask him why he keeps doing this, does he want me to turn it off so we can have a proper chat and he generally says oops no sorry didnt realise he was doing it etc snd stops.

I know this will be unpopular and am not recommending it as a good course of action...but I'd be having another look to see if it was a one off or if he is always running to his friends slagging me off about petty things

And I wouldnt be having sex with and running around trying to organise a party when I had a young baby, for someone who leaves me to do their entire share of parenting and will only hold their own baby for a few minutes

Oblomov23 · 28/04/2023 08:36

I don't think what he's written is that bad. He's just having a moan. It's allowed.

Duckingella · 28/04/2023 08:51

Dont plan a party for him;he doesn't deserve it.

Save your money;book yourself into a hotel for the night and hand the kids over to him and tell him your having a night off.

ImAvingOops · 28/04/2023 15:51

Everyone is annoyed by perfectly normal things sometimes, but there's something really off in bitching about your wife/husband to your friends. It's so disloyal. I never say anything negative about my husband to other people and I would expect the same loyalty from him!
Fuck his party! And put a stop to the lazy bastard opting out of parenting too.
And tell him what you saw and why you saw it and that you think he's a complete dick

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread