Trying to get a baby to sleep is not “chilling”

[Giraffesandbottoms]

Me: stuck in a pitch black room for over an hour trying to settle small baby. He finally settles but still latched on and stirring so I’m stuck in bed in the dark. Breastfeeding so unbelievably thirsty. Text DH to ask can he please, please just bring up my water and open the door to let some light in.

DH: trying to fix children’s tonie box downstairs. Texts me saying he’s not going to bother fixing it anymore now I’ve asked this (he’d tried for 5 mins) and he would “much rather be chilling on his phone” like I am.

AIBU to kindly ask him to fuck off?! This is also after a day where I’ve done a shitload of tidying and organising for him and for the children.

Just as easy to dump his on the floor for him to do himself.

Yes ma’am!

DH also is one of them that seems to think being trapped in a dark room feeding / fighting a baby to sleep is ‘chilling’. Nobber.

It's as easy to bring a bottle of water up as it is to come up just to chastise and explain that he isn't a water waiter. What a waste of effort. I'd argue he's used your request as an excuse not to do the job he was doing and to start an argument instead. I can't fathom any other reason that he can come to chastise but not to help his struggling wife?! It would have taken less time, garnered goodwill over Ill will, benefited his child and his wife and been a minor inconvenience to him whilst being a major contributor to getting that baby to sleep that much faster? Arguing, accusing, making you shlep downstairs to get the water (disturbing the baby who's already taking her time to go down and further exhausting and dehydrating you) is FAR MORE hassle in the long term? Frankly I think your husband is a prick

Oh OP I do feel for you. What a dick.

My own DH (DickHead) nearly made me invest in a new patio when he was really huffy with me one morning when we had a toddler and a newborn. I could figure out why and when the toddler was at preschool and I'd got the baby settled I calmly asked him what his fucking problem was.

He told me he was annoyed and feeling frazzled because he had to spend 45 minutes in the morning rushing around with both the toddler and newborn to juggle whilst I sat on the sofa doing nothing, or 'chilling' and 'barking orders'.

Except I wasn't doing nothing, nor was I by any definition of the word 'chilling'. I was expressing breast milk, attached in agony by both tits to a milking machine for 45 minutes straight every couple of hours because I couldn't breastfeed (long story, but couldn't) directly. And I wasn't barking orders I was answering his bloody stupid questions! I hated expressing. It hurt, it gave me the total ick and ugh it was just grim.

It's a wonder we're still married, quite frankly! Seven years on, we are.

As mine was a one off dose of twattishness and he apologised and never referenced me doing nothing on the sofa again, I forgave him but my god I was angry!

When you're calm I'd maybe try to speak to him and get him to understand how unkind and selfish he's being. I hope, for your sake, he can se me it and agrees!

Thank you for telling him to fuck off, even if it did create more work for you. So many women end up being doormats after giving birth. Men need to be challenged on this sort of bullshit, CONSISTENTLY.

(Even if and maybe especially if they are otherwise nice guys that we would quite like to keep.)

With all due respect I'd fucking love 10 minutes to fix a tonie box. Definitely more my idea of relaxing leisure time than the bloody bed routine

Oh yeah and also - what an arsehole. Was he this incredibly selfish and uncaring before kids?

Why are you with him

I agree he’s being a complete arse. I know you said he wasn’t always like this OP but was he fully signed up to having a third? No excuses either way as he should bloody well suck it up but I wondered if that might explain him being less helpful.