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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Trying to get a baby to sleep is not “chilling”

85 replies

Giraffesandbottoms · 29/10/2022 20:13

Me: stuck in a pitch black room for over an hour trying to settle small baby. He finally settles but still latched on and stirring so I’m stuck in bed in the dark. Breastfeeding so unbelievably thirsty. Text DH to ask can he please, please just bring up my water and open the door to let some light in.

DH: trying to fix children’s tonie box downstairs. Texts me saying he’s not going to bother fixing it anymore now I’ve asked this (he’d tried for 5 mins) and he would “much rather be chilling on his phone” like I am.

AIBU to kindly ask him to fuck off?! This is also after a day where I’ve done a shitload of tidying and organising for him and for the children.

OP posts:
Charcy · 29/10/2022 21:09

What a twat

Honestly I'd refuse to do a single thing for at least a week.

Not a washer woman
Not a chef
Not a cleaning lady
Not a taxi
Not a shopping delivery

Anything. Oh and if your baby will take a bottle, he's on night feeds.

My OH isn't perfect but fuck me, if he even hesitated bringing me something as basic as water when I was stuck feeding our DD I'd have absolutely lost my shit and he'd be camping in the car. Similarly (as we FF) if I didn't get my ass off the sofa to pass him a cushion, drink, plug his phone in, whatever he needed to be comfortable, I'd equally be packed off to Chez Peugeot 🤣🤣

Original poster
Giraffesandbottoms · 29/10/2022 21:12

Charcy · 29/10/2022 21:09

What a twat

Honestly I'd refuse to do a single thing for at least a week.

Not a washer woman
Not a chef
Not a cleaning lady
Not a taxi
Not a shopping delivery

Anything. Oh and if your baby will take a bottle, he's on night feeds.

My OH isn't perfect but fuck me, if he even hesitated bringing me something as basic as water when I was stuck feeding our DD I'd have absolutely lost my shit and he'd be camping in the car. Similarly (as we FF) if I didn't get my ass off the sofa to pass him a cushion, drink, plug his phone in, whatever he needed to be comfortable, I'd equally be packed off to Chez Peugeot 🤣🤣

I’m 100% doing this.

OP posts:
Minniem2020 · 29/10/2022 21:14

I'm raging on your behalf op. Hope you're okay. And congratulations on your baby.

WrongWayApricot · 29/10/2022 21:14

Yeah, some men turn into arseholes at this time it seems. My ex used it to chat up local women on dating sites.

Original poster
Giraffesandbottoms · 29/10/2022 21:15

WrongWayApricot · 29/10/2022 21:14

Yeah, some men turn into arseholes at this time it seems. My ex used it to chat up local women on dating sites.

fucking hell I’m sorry that’s horrendous

OP posts:
Dreamingcats · 29/10/2022 21:28

I would expect my husband to bring me some water if I was trapped underneath a baby. However, I soon realised how thirsty it was, and more often than not sorted out water in advance. Big bottles next to all potential sitting places. Husband isn't always in the house after all. I struggle to see why you can't do this most of the time. But it doesn't stop me thinking that your husband could be more understanding.

Summerfun54321 · 29/10/2022 21:30

Giraffesandbottoms · 29/10/2022 20:48

Might just not bother doing his washing this week.

i mean, I’m not a “washer woman” 😃

You joke OP but why are you doing his washing?

Sunsetred · 29/10/2022 21:32

I have been in your shoes and to begin with my DH was quite good at fetching me things while I was lying on the sofa feeding baby and watching Netflix! I would go through litres of water during the night too as breastfeeding is thirsty work!

However, the novelty soon wore off and my DH started to get frustrated and resentful. I started to get annoyed with him but that didn't help me. In the end I became completely self reliant. I had a stock pile of things I likely needed strategically placed in each room and I just forgot about my DH being able to help me so I wouldn't get disappointed and annoyed and could enjoy my new baby instead!

Original poster
Giraffesandbottoms · 29/10/2022 21:34

When I had 1 baby and lived in a flat it was much easier to organise my water.

we live over 3 stories and have 3 children it’s not that easy to organise water for me all over the house. It’s only ever an issue in the evening.

it is fine I will have to just work something out for myself but I’m upset that I have to/that this is such a big deal for him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Giraffesandbottoms · 29/10/2022 21:34

Summerfun54321 · 29/10/2022 21:30

You joke OP but why are you doing his washing?

Show quote history

I do everyone’s washing - it’s just as easy to do his with mine and the children’s.

OP posts:
Sunsetred · 29/10/2022 21:44

@Giraffesandbottoms ah yes hadn't thought that it might be a bit difficult if you live in a larger house.

Summerfun54321 · 29/10/2022 21:45

Giraffesandbottoms · 29/10/2022 21:34

I do everyone’s washing - it’s just as easy to do his with mine and the children’s.

Show quote history

The problem is when you just quickly do things for your DH because you’re doing them for yourself and your DC, you end up basically looking after him when he’s an adult who can look after himself. If he doesn’t look after you then you shouldn’t be looking after him.

Carbon12 · 29/10/2022 21:47

I don't think doing your partner's washing is an issue.

It becomes an issue when you're doing EVERYTHING for him and around the house and they're doing fuck all.

LittleOwl153 · 29/10/2022 21:51

You shouldn't have to but.... a pack of bottled water in whatever room you get stuck in might help you out...

Clearly he's an asshole and needs to be given consequences of his behaviour.

Rtmhwales · 29/10/2022 21:52

I do everyone’s washing - it’s just as easy to do his with mine and the children’s.

TBF it's just as easy for him to bring you water as it is for you to go get it arguably it's much easier for him but for the point of this...

He can do his own damn chores from now on.

Original poster
Giraffesandbottoms · 29/10/2022 21:56

LittleOwl153 · 29/10/2022 21:51

You shouldn't have to but.... a pack of bottled water in whatever room you get stuck in might help you out...

Clearly he's an asshole and needs to be given consequences of his behaviour.

I will just have to run my water up to my room
before taking everyone up for their bath. It’s totally not an issue any other time as we are downstairs all day and I can fill my own water/usually have the baby in the sling anyway. It’s just when I’m stuck in bed in the evening. It’s ok I can mitigate so I have my own water it’s just fucked me off to realise I’m in a marriage where I have to actually expend mental capacity planning ahead for my water, because my husband can’t just get it for me.

maybe I will stop always refilling the loo roll and see how happy he is when I want to finish what I’m doing before bringing him some the next time he does a shit and there’s no paper there because I haven’t refilled it!

OP posts:
Tonkerbea · 29/10/2022 21:57

Wait, why are you carrying all the kids bottles too? Doesn't he help with bedtime?

Honestly, I'd lose a lot of love for a 'partner' who was so uncaring.

Ugh. Shit men. So many shit men.

SirMoose · 29/10/2022 21:59

Getting baby to sleep is absolutely chilling for me, but I have had easy babies! My husband however, waits on me hand and foot when I’ve been breastfeeding his babies.

Original poster
Giraffesandbottoms · 29/10/2022 21:59

Tonkerbea · 29/10/2022 21:57

Wait, why are you carrying all the kids bottles too? Doesn't he help with bedtime?

Honestly, I'd lose a lot of love for a 'partner' who was so uncaring.

Ugh. Shit men. So many shit men.

Tbf to him the nights I’m alone he is working. And usually that means when he is home he does it since I’ve done the other nights.

but he never remembers their bottles 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
SnackSizeRaisin · 29/10/2022 22:08

I'd get the children to bring their own drinks up, assuming they are 3 or older. Or just leave the bottle in their room and refill when needed (assuming you have a tap upstairs).
It's not chilling to be trying to get a baby to sleep but if you are asking him every night to bring you water I can see how he'd get annoyed. Some men would of course bring you some every night without being asked. But it sounds as though he's not one if those . As you're on your 3rd child you must have known this though...

LemonDrizzle2 · 29/10/2022 22:11

Sunsetred · 29/10/2022 21:32

I have been in your shoes and to begin with my DH was quite good at fetching me things while I was lying on the sofa feeding baby and watching Netflix! I would go through litres of water during the night too as breastfeeding is thirsty work!

However, the novelty soon wore off and my DH started to get frustrated and resentful. I started to get annoyed with him but that didn't help me. In the end I became completely self reliant. I had a stock pile of things I likely needed strategically placed in each room and I just forgot about my DH being able to help me so I wouldn't get disappointed and annoyed and could enjoy my new baby instead!

I could have written this. For my sanity i try to be as self reliant as possible, i do find I feel quite resentful of how utterly selfish men can be. It's been an eye opener since having children that this is such a common phenomenon!

Original poster
Giraffesandbottoms · 29/10/2022 22:12

SnackSizeRaisin · 29/10/2022 22:08

I'd get the children to bring their own drinks up, assuming they are 3 or older. Or just leave the bottle in their room and refill when needed (assuming you have a tap upstairs).
It's not chilling to be trying to get a baby to sleep but if you are asking him every night to bring you water I can see how he'd get annoyed. Some men would of course bring you some every night without being asked. But it sounds as though he's not one if those . As you're on your 3rd child you must have known this though...

Nope - he was not always like this, which I’ve said a few times now. Only one of the children is over 3. I don’t want to just leave a bottle upstairs because I want to wash it every day so i have to take it down but it’s fine I will run it upstairs before I take them up next time. I just can’t see why he’s annoyed though. There are plenty of things I do for him daily that I don’t even think about/comment on.

OP posts:
Original poster
Giraffesandbottoms · 29/10/2022 22:13

LemonDrizzle2 · 29/10/2022 22:11

I could have written this. For my sanity i try to be as self reliant as possible, i do find I feel quite resentful of how utterly selfish men can be. It's been an eye opener since having children that this is such a common phenomenon!

Show quote history

That’s the thing, isn’t it? I can be self reliant. It’s a bit more work but I can do it. But it makes me angry that I should have to because someone who I love is so selfish! As a PP pointed out, this is his baby as well I’m feeding!

OP posts:
SwordToFlamethrower · 29/10/2022 22:21

Giraffesandbottoms · 29/10/2022 20:48

Might just not bother doing his washing this week.

i mean, I’m not a “washer woman” 😃

Might? Might???
Stop doing his laundry immediately. You are not a washer woman. 100%

Autumn231 · 29/10/2022 22:22

YANBU, I remember crying when my DH said ‘5 minutes’ when I asked for a glass of water trapped under a feeding baby, he just couldn’t understand the thirst.