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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To start a thread about the joy of living alone?

104 replies

KnitFastDieWarm · 29/10/2022 15:20

Recently divorced, just moved into my own place for the first time ever at the grand old age of 35. The feeling of utter contentment and joy I feel when i close the door on the world and curl up on my sofa, in my tidy flat that’s exactly how I like it and
how I left it, is beyond anything I imagined.

I thought I’d be lonely but i have DC half the week and every other weekend, plenty of friends and hobbies, a job i love, and my life just feels…finally right.

Anyone else relate? It feels almost criminally indulgent to enjoy peace and solitude so much!

OP posts:
lurchermummy · 30/10/2022 10:58

I don't live alone but it sounds nice to be honest. I love it when DH goes away for a few days!

BuddhaAtSea · 30/10/2022 11:18

dumbstruckdumptruck · 29/10/2022 19:05

This has become my theme song since I moved into my own place:

Love this!!!!

I too live alone. On Friday, on my way back from work, I called a friend and we walked the dogs to the pub, had a G&T and we shared a bowl of nachos. We left at 8.30, we were back by 9.30-10 (we chatted a bit more just before we said good bye).
Today I woke up at 10, bunged a couple of croissants in the oven, had a big mug of coffee, put my wellies on and walked a 6k loop with the dog, came home, we both have showers and we’re sitting on the sofa in our dressing gowns/bath robes. I’ll get up and cook in a minute, I’m making a soup to have in the next few days, a big omelette for a late lunch and a marble cake. Then I’ll have a nap, then I’m going for a swim.
I’m reading ‘The end of men’ 😂, the fairy lights came on at 7 all around the house, I’ll grab my book a tea and the dog and go read in bed shortly after.
My life is ok.

VinoDino · 30/10/2022 11:20

@BuddhaAtSea that sounds wonderful! Perfect weekend.

SpinningFloppa · 30/10/2022 11:23

Loved living alone before I had kids I never felt lonely personally would hate to live with other people. It’s just me and the kids now but they are always here so never alone anymore.

OriginalUsername3 · 30/10/2022 11:26

Yes! It took so much to build up to leaving abusive DH thinking the little things he did made my life easier and it would be harder on my own. But life is so so much easier now on my own with DS

GirlsPower · 30/10/2022 11:26

I love this thread... I would love to live with just me and my DS but instead I live with my DP and FIL who's in his 70s and are both untidy and never get the house to my self 😢

PuppyMonkey · 30/10/2022 11:30

I had about three years in my 20s where I had my own flat. It was a pretty grotty place in hindsight but I was sooo happy, great friends, good job, brilliant social life but just coming home to my own space and my own things and my own schedule was what I loved most. I still look back on that time as about the happiest phase of my life, despite me later going on to meet DP, have kids, move to a lovely big home. Sigh.

MSc² · 30/10/2022 12:56

OriginalUsername3 · 30/10/2022 11:26

Yes! It took so much to build up to leaving abusive DH thinking the little things he did made my life easier and it would be harder on my own. But life is so so much easier now on my own with DS

👏👏👏
Absolutely this. I wish I could tell all women going through a horrible time with men that it's easier to be a single mum than living with a horrible man. My life has its challenges as a single mum but I'm so much happier. I'm looking forward to the future when the dcs are older and I'll get more freedom, and definitely planning to either stay single or live separately from any future partner.

PARunnerGirl · 30/10/2022 13:12

Same for me since divorce five years ago. I live in a tiny village in north Scotland and my partner is here a couple of nights a week. I travel to the city to stay with him now and then too. I work from home and being able to sit in the garden or walk to the loch in my lunch break is heaven. Dinner in front of the fire, reading at my window seat, yoga and exercise classes in the spare room that I’ve turned into a mini gym… 😍🏡

Family and friends visit fairly often because it is a popular holiday area, especially at this time of year and summer. But my time alone here is absolute bliss and sometimes I feel so lucky that it seems a bit obnoxious to talk too much about it! A point up thread is very valid- nowadays, with spiralling costs of living, there aren’t many people who can afford to live alone. Even with two salaries things can be a struggle. 😞

Soproudoflionesses · 30/10/2022 13:13

My best friend's husband left her 3 years ago - devastated at the time but now knows she will never live with another adult again! Loves it.

OriginalUsername3 · 30/10/2022 14:02

MSc² · 30/10/2022 12:56

👏👏👏
Absolutely this. I wish I could tell all women going through a horrible time with men that it's easier to be a single mum than living with a horrible man. My life has its challenges as a single mum but I'm so much happier. I'm looking forward to the future when the dcs are older and I'll get more freedom, and definitely planning to either stay single or live separately from any future partner.

Show quote history

I will never ever live with another man. Its so so much easier, you really don't realise how much harder they make your life. And in my case, he treats me miles better, he spends far more time with DS and I get so much more time "off" than I ever have which I really did not expect. Its amazing.

And now I understand who so many people just go straight to LTB when someone complains about their partner on here. Fucking leave him, it's liberating! 🤣

RamsayBoltonsConscience · 30/10/2022 19:55

Just to reiterate previous comments, for lunch today I had crisps dipped in hummus and for dinner I had cucumber and pepper dipped in hummus. That was what I wanted and no-one was there to make any comment about it! 😁

A580Hojas · 30/10/2022 20:29

Very happy for you OP! What a lovely positive post.

I wish we had the housing and the space in the UK for all unhappily marrieds to live independently of each other if that is their wish.

Bathbomb99 · 30/10/2022 22:24

Isn’t it wonderful! I’ve been single 6 years and I’m thankful for it every single day. I have 2 DC and I love that it’s just us. I couldn’t bear living with another man again.

Icecreamandapplepie · 30/10/2022 22:26

Got together with hubby and had kids relatively late. Eight years of living alone before that.

Bloody jealous!! Sigh.

DPotter · 30/10/2022 22:31

@Peggytinsley

I suggest you start your own thread

Bathbomb99 · 30/10/2022 22:36

I just feel like I now refuse to compromise and in a relationship you need to, but no! I don’t want to. I want to do what I want when I want (except re my children) and to me that is absolutely priceless. I go on about how much I love being single in RL and it’s because I feel so passionate about it!

DPotter · 30/10/2022 22:38

StripeyDeckchair
Apparently*, statistically, married men live longer than single men and single women longer than married women.
Which suggests to me that men are parasites and feed off women.
Apparently because I can't find s the source right now.

The one I know is the Camberwell study which looked at levels of happiness, which showed married men as the most happy, then single women, then single men, with married women the least happy.

Must say I'm jealous of those of you living alone

GiantLegoHead · 30/10/2022 23:04

I'm a lone parent so not much peace to be had as I don't get the free time of them visiting their father.

However, I love having my own house. My freedom, both in time and financial. Nobody telling me what to do or sulking if I don't do what they want. Nobody taking up half of my bed - I can't ever imagine giving that up again!

I have my house and garden how I want and spend the little free time I have as I please. There will be more of that as the children get older and no a chance in hell will I be giving that up for a man!

Then there is financial security. Nobody xan take our home, or turn our life upside down. What kind of madness would it be to give that up?

I have fantastic friends who I can see when I want and my own safehaven of peace to retreat to when I need it. In the summer I work outside at the patio table in the sunshine surrounded by beautiful flowers while the children are at school.

There is a kind of peace and safety and security I never felt before even though the responsibility of being in charge of everything is huge.

If I am happy now while kids are little I can't imagine why I'd even want to give it up when they're older and it's easier still.

RiverSkater · 31/10/2022 01:04

I am also envious.

My dream life is living without the DP, the kids away with him that amount enough for me to miss them and appreciate them.

My hobbies, my diet, my tv choices, my sleep uninterrupted by snoring and farting,

Extra lucky to throw in a lover to date but never living with.

Vecna · 31/10/2022 01:09

Some of the happiest years of my life! There's so much that's brilliant about it - no compromising, no complaints, no considering anything or anyone beyond yourself (and maybe the neighbours if they're lucky!) Enjoy!

SpeckofDustUponMySoul · 31/10/2022 05:52

I absolutely LOVE living man free with my two young DC and cats.
Haven't had anyone by choice since I left my ex 4 years ago and, even though I'm considering dating again, I don't ever want an additional body in my bed/home.

ohforthelife · 31/10/2022 06:36

YABU, it makes me envious.

LivinLaVidaLocaSolita · 31/10/2022 08:25

NC for this.

I LTB eight years ago for numerous reasons - thank you dear, wise posters on the Relationships board. I now live with my three preteen and teen DC, just the four of us in our peaceful happy home. It’s AWESOME 👏

No more:

  • arguing about money
  • swearing in our house
  • wondering if he’s jerking off to porn in the bathroom while we’re all downstairs
  • fucking expensive man gadgets and wires all over the place
  • boring soul destroying sex
  • splatty disgusting stinking man shit in the loo
  • being expected to iron
  • arguments about domestic tasks. I do everything. It’s much easier
  • the best: his family from hell coming to stay and expecting me to host
so many more reasons. Yes we have far less money but we get by. The best thing: DC are calm and settled. They told me they knew daddy and I didn’t love each other any more. There’s no tension in our home. Another best thing: EOW I have more than 48 hours to myself. I suit myself entirely. Go to the gym, get food in for the following week, clean house as quickly as possible then head off to a hotel to meet a Special Friend for outrageous noisy sex and wine and amazing food.

I was once like so many of those poor women on the Relationships board, working hard to keep the family together. Then I woke up and smelled the coffee. I don’t for one instant feel envious of friends in bigger houses with more money because I know most of it is fake.

Now I have to pinch myself. I am genuinely content. My children are, too. I love my life as a single mother. Any of you thinking of LTB - do it. There’s a whole new life waiting for you. Life isn’t a dress rehearsal.

Forzatesoro · 31/10/2022 08:50

LivinLaVidaLocaSolita · 31/10/2022 08:25

NC for this.

I LTB eight years ago for numerous reasons - thank you dear, wise posters on the Relationships board. I now live with my three preteen and teen DC, just the four of us in our peaceful happy home. It’s AWESOME 👏

No more:

  • arguing about money
  • swearing in our house
  • wondering if he’s jerking off to porn in the bathroom while we’re all downstairs
  • fucking expensive man gadgets and wires all over the place
  • boring soul destroying sex
  • splatty disgusting stinking man shit in the loo
  • being expected to iron
  • arguments about domestic tasks. I do everything. It’s much easier
  • the best: his family from hell coming to stay and expecting me to host
so many more reasons. Yes we have far less money but we get by. The best thing: DC are calm and settled. They told me they knew daddy and I didn’t love each other any more. There’s no tension in our home. Another best thing: EOW I have more than 48 hours to myself. I suit myself entirely. Go to the gym, get food in for the following week, clean house as quickly as possible then head off to a hotel to meet a Special Friend for outrageous noisy sex and wine and amazing food.

I was once like so many of those poor women on the Relationships board, working hard to keep the family together. Then I woke up and smelled the coffee. I don’t for one instant feel envious of friends in bigger houses with more money because I know most of it is fake.

Now I have to pinch myself. I am genuinely content. My children are, too. I love my life as a single mother. Any of you thinking of LTB - do it. There’s a whole new life waiting for you. Life isn’t a dress rehearsal.

Same same!
I'm about to sell the marital home although been divorced a while
I love the peace in my house. Living in a tense house growing up and then as married woman nearly ended me!
I've 3 kids as well, all content, loving respectful people and I'm chuffed with that.

This feels very much like "me first" for a change and it's exciting. Now to find me a part time lover! I've been dreaming a lot lately about having a partner and I'm hoping it's manifestation in action 🙌