My new date drinks too much

[shreddiesandmilk]

I've been seeing a guy for around 4 months and it's been going really well. Similar interests, same life goals etc. He's hardworking, kind and good fun

Except I think he drinks too much. In the last 4 weeks I've had 2 bouts of drunk messages (I am too old for this and find it juvenile and unattractive!) He goes out binge drinking with friends almost every weekend. When I go to his for a takeaway he cracks out a bottle of wine (which in itself I don't find odd but I haven't yet not seen him drink)

I do drink regularly, albeit not hugely and probably go on a night out 2-3 times a year maximum. We are both 28. He doesn't drink drive and it doesn't impact his work; they are regularly checked.

It's also impacting our sex life as he blames it for some issues he's had. I'm unconvinced alcohol is the issue so haven't pressed this too much.

I need to bring it up with him because I am close to ending it but I want to talk to him about it first. I don't know how to do this without sounding accusatory, which isn't my intention.

Any thoughts / suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Oh and namechange, Sistine chapel, Penis beaker etc

Thanks for everyone's replies so far. It's been really useful to see some people don't see it as excessive and more as an incompatibility for us as a couple - which I'm inclined to agree with. I know I need to end it, deep down. There's a gut feeling there's something not quite right about it and I think I need to listen to that

Sorry, but aged 28 and you only go out 2 or 3 times a year? That's odd.

I'm actually wondering if this is a genuine post?

OP only goes out on the lash a few times a year. Not that she only socialises that infrequently.

@Itsnotallblackandwhite only goes out heavy drinking 2-3 times a year. Many many other cocktail evenings outside of that. I have a perfectly normal social calendar filled with other events thank you!

There's a gut feeling there's something not quite right about it and I think I need to listen to that

Honestly, I wish I'd learned to heed that gut feeling at 28. It would have saved me an awful lot of wasted time.

Apologies OP, I didn’t read your post properly.

I agree you should go with your gut. Speak to him about it if you are able to (when he’s sober) but be prepared for him to minimise. You should be having fantastic sex together 4 months in.

Is his job a high pressure one? Does he have to deal with traumatic things (eg police?) that could account for the party hard attitude. I’m not sure about his difficulty climaxing. I’ve had one partner who had this problem when he drank a lot and another partner had problems due to childhood trauma, it could be anything really.

good luck.

When someone tells/shows you who they are, listen!
he’s a drinker, it will not improve. Move on.

Bottle of wine when you have a takeaway? Doesn't everyone do that? I mean I wouldn't for a McDonald's but definitely would for a pizza or Chinese. It's a treat.

How sad that binge drinking is seen as normal behaviour 😕
I would cut and run op

Forgot to add that I've never got properly drunk and don't like the drinking culture in the UK that much. The going out and getting legless would bother me.

How sad that binge drinking is seen as normal behaviour 😕

Agreed. As someone who's not British I find it baffling. Getting shit faced drunk every week past your early 20s is most definitely not the norm in most places. People drink socially, but they know when to stop.

If you're thinking of ending it because of this, but otherwise like him, I'd definitely tell him why. You might find it's not a real problem but more of a habit he has got into and will happily ease up on, for you.

I don't think I saw my husband not drink in 25 years until i did dry jan and he said, 'Oh, I'll do it with you.' He found it easy. Even though he has a couple of glasses every night without fail.

Not taking drugs related to his work? Cocktail parties and the NHS?

Are we talking about a doctor here?

Doctors are incredibly prone to developing alcohol problems. Especially if they can't even function in bed at only 28 - when most men are absolutely firing on all cylinders repeatedly.

Other high risk for addiction professions include Police.

Both can have a less than healthy culture around booze and treating women.

He sounds like a normal, fun 20 something to me.
At 28 I had 2 small children, a full time job and a house to run. I still had an active social life which on occasions involved drinking too much (children elsewhere).
Just because he enjoys drinking and socialising doesn't mean he won't be a committed family man when the time comes!
You're just not compatible as a couple.

@NeverDropYourMooncup no, he's not a doctor, nor does he work for the nhs.

He doesn’t sound the one for you, sorry.