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Original poster

Husband off to a football match with member of staff

64 replies

Taffy8567 · 29/10/2022 01:33

Really angry husband is off to a football match with one of his member of staff.

He’s done nothing this half term with our DS but is quite happy to piss off for the day going to a match.

He’s never shown any interest in going to a match before but now has been given tickets wants to go.

I’m hurt that I wasn’t offered to go, not that I even like football that much but day trip together would’ve been nice.

Feeling dejected he refuses to go out on evenings with me or to shows with DS but is happy to go do this.

OP posts:
MoveBitch · 29/10/2022 01:37

Why would his work colleague invite you?

Original poster
Taffy8567 · 29/10/2022 01:40

DH was given tickets and he invited the other member of staff to go.

OP posts:
Original poster
Taffy8567 · 29/10/2022 01:41

Sorry given tickets by a company /external colleague then asked his own member of staff to go.

OP posts:
Newmumatlast · 29/10/2022 02:08

Personally I think you're annoyed because he has done nothing this half term with DS rather than anything else and maybe that is clouding your judgement. If he has been off work for the week then yes, thats crappy and not on. Otherwise, has he has opportunity in the evenings? Not sure of his work patterns.

Given you arent suggesting he should have taken DS to the football but you, it seems the DS thing is irrelevant to the going to the football really.

It sounds like the tickets have been gifted by an external company/colleague related to work. We have similar types of opportunities come up at work. It wouldn't be expected to use the ticket for your family but it being either something to offer a client if from our company or something for colleagues to benefit from if from another company to ours. So actually i think its right for him to take a colleague. Him never having shown any interest in going to a match before is not really relevant either in my view - a. normally he would have to pay for tickets whereas these are free and b. Its a job perk so alot of people would feel they should take the perk as its kind of like a little bonus.

Really your issue isn't that he shouldve taken you its that he should be wanting to do more with his family in addition to stuff like this

NumberTheory · 29/10/2022 05:31

So he doesn’t like doing anything with you or his DS, refuses to go out, just stays in and watches TV or whatever, all the time, not just this half term. But he gets some tickets from work and is happy to go out with someone who isn’t family?

I can see why that would smart. And I can see why a bored kid at home for half term makes the timing seem bad too.

Is it possible he’s sort of required to go and, since it’s a work “gift” needs to take a colleague as that’s part of the point?

Is it the fact he’s taken a colleague to the football the issue, especially since you don’t like football!? Or it’s that he doesn’t seem interested in having fun with his family - like he’s checked out, maybe?

JettyJoan50 · 29/10/2022 05:34

Not a big deal. I think if you really get mad about your husband going to a football game with someone from work you need to look at your own attitude because that’s controlling and toxic beahviour

rwalker · 29/10/2022 06:22

Was he at work in 1/2 term
you don’t like football so why would he ask you

cushioncovers · 29/10/2022 06:46

I think you need to have a discussion with him about his lack of participation in family life.

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 29/10/2022 07:09

As others have said, the issue is not really the football match, it’s the lack of involvement in family life and his refusal to go out with you for an evening. Discussions needed between you so that he knows exactly how you feel.

SpookyPanda · 29/10/2022 07:20

Taffy8567 · 29/10/2022 01:41

Sorry given tickets by a company /external colleague then asked his own member of staff to go.

That's fair enough if it's linked to work somehow!

Anyway why don't you think of somewhere you want to go next weekend and go by yourself?

Revolvingwhore · 29/10/2022 07:22

How old is your son? What dad doesn't want to take their lad to a football match?

Oblomov22 · 29/10/2022 07:35

Eh? Your anger is misplaced. If he's given tickets by work, he should take a colleague.

You don't even like football. I love it! The difference is yes fine nothing with you or dc over 1/2 term. Then you need to have a conversation about that. Why haven't you already?

mileaminnie · 29/10/2022 07:48

.... but you don't want him to take your son you want him to take you?

Doowop1919 · 29/10/2022 07:53

Sounds like the football match is the last straw, op, as that in itself isn't a big deal. The big deal is why he's not spent any time with his child this week? That's a problem and one I'd be addressing.

Catapultaway · 29/10/2022 07:55

My DH used to get given loads of free stuff and tickets when he worked in practice. He always used to share them with or take people from work... Usually the person that did the most work on it if it's from a client. His view was it kept up team spirits and he wasn't hogging the perks everyone worked hard for. Plus client could then see they were being used and appreciated.

CatGrins · 29/10/2022 08:13

If they are given by a client he absolutely should be taking someone from work. It's weird that you think you should benefit from this gift. Very controlling.

Scepticalwotsits · 29/10/2022 08:26

DH job has a corporate hospitality and seats at the local premier league club, they use tickets as rewards. Would never expect to also go as it’s a job reward.

said company also sometime gives gifts to a family when people have worked a fair bit of OT as a way of recognising the impact it has on family life.

in this situation where it’s come from a client/external the expectation would be that the tickets would be used for staff.

If you husband is their boss/project leader it’s also good that he’s done that as there is nothing more moral destroying that seeing you boss and their OH scoop up all the rewards for your work.

The showing no interest is moot as it’s a free gift.

the real question is

a) did he have the 1/2 term off
b) why do you feel you have a right to the tickets, rather than him taking your DS if they were not used on a colleague

PAFMO · 29/10/2022 08:30

Can you imagine if a public figure was given a freebie as part of their job perks and took his/her partner to the event?

Brefugee · 29/10/2022 08:32

Can you imagine if a public figure was given a freebie as part of their job perks and took his/her partner to the event?

and yet they do that all the time. We get corporate tickets offered and sometimes if nobody at work wants to go, someone will take their wife or child. But the inofficial rule is you must offer it around the workplace first. In fact all our senior managers, unless completely fanatical about the event since they were a kid (in which case we all know and nobody minds), always offer tickets to junior members of staff first.

Original poster
Taffy8567 · 29/10/2022 09:09

I don’t want to use the tickets myself.

I think everyone is right it’s come at the end of not making much of an effort to spend time either with myself of an evening for events or planning/doing anything nice with DS.

I spoke to him about it and he said if I plan something he’s happy to come along. I guess it’s up to me to plan that then whilst he goes to London for a match with a work colleague!

He now said he won’t go, as he doesn’t want to. He just said yes because he felt he had to not to be rude.

OP posts:
Scepticalwotsits · 29/10/2022 09:35

Taffy8567 · 29/10/2022 09:09

I don’t want to use the tickets myself.

I think everyone is right it’s come at the end of not making much of an effort to spend time either with myself of an evening for events or planning/doing anything nice with DS.

I spoke to him about it and he said if I plan something he’s happy to come along. I guess it’s up to me to plan that then whilst he goes to London for a match with a work colleague!

He now said he won’t go, as he doesn’t want to. He just said yes because he felt he had to not to be rude.

He’s saying no because he doesn’t want drama and is placating you because you have joined two separate things together.

he will resent this.

tou still haven’t answered that I can see as to whether he was off work during half term or not

Original poster
Taffy8567 · 29/10/2022 09:38

No he hasn’t had the week off. However he hasn’t done anything with DS in ages.

I’ve said I’m happy for him to go but not to forget about myself and DS when having days out! I’ll start booking things for him to go to!

OP posts:
Jalepenojello · 29/10/2022 09:39

Going to the football is fine.

his lack of effort in his relationship with you and his child is not fine. Raise it with him, but don’t make it about the football

Original poster
Taffy8567 · 29/10/2022 09:40

To be fair I resent he’s not planned anything with his DS. I have let him know how I feel. The two things are linked because it shows he can be arsed to do something for the day with a work colleague when the opportunity arises rather than thinking about spending time with DS. If you can think about going down to London and save the date then you can have a think about what DS would like to do?

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 29/10/2022 09:42

How old is DS?