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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband off to a football match with member of staff

64 replies

Taffy8567 · 29/10/2022 01:33

Really angry husband is off to a football match with one of his member of staff.

He’s done nothing this half term with our DS but is quite happy to piss off for the day going to a match.

He’s never shown any interest in going to a match before but now has been given tickets wants to go.

I’m hurt that I wasn’t offered to go, not that I even like football that much but day trip together would’ve been nice.

Feeling dejected he refuses to go out on evenings with me or to shows with DS but is happy to go do this.

OP posts:

Original poster

Taffy8567 · 29/10/2022 11:39

Yep spoken to him. He didn’t mean it at all to upset me. I just don’t think he thinks!!

I’m the one stressing that soon DS won’t want sod all to do with us and we should try and make an effort!

OP posts:

pinkyredrose · 29/10/2022 11:42

JettyJoan50 · 29/10/2022 05:34

Not a big deal. I think if you really get mad about your husband going to a football game with someone from work you need to look at your own attitude because that’s controlling and toxic beahviour

Seriously? You lack reading comprehension if you think she's controlling.

Dishwashersaurous · 29/10/2022 12:12

What does your son want ot do?

What are his hobbies and activities?
Surely you husband could just take him to one of those, it doesn't need to be a big thing.

Also, why do you think that your son will suddenly not want to spend time with you? He's becoming a teenager and will want to so things with friends but that doesn't mean he will ignore you for a decade

Tsort · 29/10/2022 12:13

VladmirsPoutine · 29/10/2022 11:33

I rue the day we were given unfettered access to the language of psychology.

Show quote history

This made me guffaw and tea went up my nose. I’m a cackling mess. Thank you. 😂😂😂

Tsort · 29/10/2022 12:16

Taffy8567 · 29/10/2022 11:39

Yep spoken to him. He didn’t mean it at all to upset me. I just don’t think he thinks!!

I’m the one stressing that soon DS won’t want sod all to do with us and we should try and make an effort!

What did you actually say, though? That’s what a few of us are asking. Did you speak to him about the football issue (which is a one time thing) or about how you feel about the lack of time and effort invested in doing things with you and DS? As those are two different conversations.

BlueBar · 29/10/2022 12:19

Whenever I've been given tickets by a customer it's very much a corporate entertainment deal. It might be fun, but you're still working/entertaining the client. It would be odd to take your wife IMO, especially a wife with no interest in football.

You might have plenty of reason to be fed up with him, but this isn't one.

TheGoodEnoughWife · 29/10/2022 12:30

Dishwashersaurous · 29/10/2022 11:11

Isn't the situation that he isn't proactive. Hes given tickets for a specific event for a specific thing and then he will do it.

However, he won't actively choose to do something.

At 12 your son is old enough to plan and decide what to do with his father
Eg dad let's go cycling on Saturday morning

How sad. At 12 the way for this boy to get his Dad to do something with him is plan it himself?

Another excusing of a shit father. So many posts on here blaming the OP for not 'asking the right way', for not organising something.

Let's excuse these crap Dads as clearly the actual child or the other parent should be sorting everything out so their interaction is as easy as possible for them. Let's not put any onus on the father to sort anything out. FFS.

Brefugee · 29/10/2022 12:33

the fact that you are a SAHM kind of changes things a bit though. Am going to assume you do most of the home stuff on account of your DH being at work. So if this is something that has been going on for the entirety of your DS's life, it is a bit odd if you expect it to suddenly change.

If you've had 94 conversations about this already and DH has agreed to arrange something and then hasn't, that's a separate issue.
But i think you're focussing on the football as a concrete thing. Just get your DS to tell your DH what he wants.

Dishwashersaurous · 29/10/2022 12:35

It's not sad for a son to have a conversation with their parents about what they want to do.

Eg everyone at school is talking about this movie, can we go and see it?
I need to practice my football before the match, can we go to the park on Saturday morning etc
My trainers are too small can we go and buy new ones

TheGoodEnoughWife · 29/10/2022 12:39

It is sad if that is the only way to get his Dad to interact with him.

There is a big difference between a situation where either child or parent suggests something and off they go and a parent who ignores his son unless the son thinks of something to do. One would be soul destroying long term.

Doyoumind · 29/10/2022 12:48

He doesn't sound like a great dad but tickets obtained via work connections should go to people at work.

He can't come close to spending as much time with DS if he works full time and you're at home. Perhaps he feels rather on the sidelines and that he doesn't know what DS likes to do, so takes the easy way out and does nothing.

LannieDuck · 29/10/2022 12:59

YANBU. The fact he works FT isn't a free pass to be a rubbish Dad.

I work FT, and I booked a day off during the kids' half term so I could take them to pick pumpkins and go swimming.

He simply doesn't prioritise his DS. And that's really sad.

Brefugee · 29/10/2022 13:08

absolutely - he's not a fantastic dad.

But this isn't the whole story. SAHM for 12 years, we all know how that usually works. So if you want your DH to do something for the DS someone has to remind him. They shouldn't have to but that is the reality of the situation

juice92 · 30/10/2022 23:02

But were these tickets given as a result of some good work from the client? Maybe the staff member worked his arse off and your DH thought they deserved a treat. And maybe there was an expectation from the client that your DH would go.

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