Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband off to a football match with member of staff

64 replies

Taffy8567 · 29/10/2022 01:33

Really angry husband is off to a football match with one of his member of staff.

He’s done nothing this half term with our DS but is quite happy to piss off for the day going to a match.

He’s never shown any interest in going to a match before but now has been given tickets wants to go.

I’m hurt that I wasn’t offered to go, not that I even like football that much but day trip together would’ve been nice.

Feeling dejected he refuses to go out on evenings with me or to shows with DS but is happy to go do this.

OP posts:
teaandtoastwithmarmite · 29/10/2022 09:44

My DH used to get footy tickets from work and always took me

ExtraOnions · 29/10/2022 09:46

…so now he’s letting his work colleague down, on the day of the match ?

How old is DS, and what kind of thing would you be wanting him to do as an activity?

Original poster
Taffy8567 · 29/10/2022 09:46

12

OP posts:
Original poster
Taffy8567 · 29/10/2022 09:49

No it’s not the day of the match. He hasn’t even told his work colleagues he has tickets yet.

anything?! I don’t think one parent should know the interests of the child and have to plan everything!

OP posts:
Hawkins001 · 29/10/2022 09:53

All the best op

LIZS · 29/10/2022 09:53

So he has not arranged it yet? Would ds want to go, have you asked h to take him?

RealBecca · 29/10/2022 09:53

You say you're resentful he hasnt booked anything to do with DS over half term but he has been working so it sounds like his weekends are free just as they were before. Are you a SAHM? Or did you take time off to cover half term? Maybe he takes some time off next half term.

But really I think it's obvious you're jealous that you perceive him making an effort with colleagues but not you. The reality though is that the football plans were handed to him on a plate. If you have a mentally lazy DH who never plans anything, was he always that way? Why are you wound up by it? Has he stopped making an effort that he used to? Or has he never made an effort and you are expecting something new?

Original poster
Taffy8567 · 29/10/2022 09:56

No it’s not about taking me or DS. It’s that thing of going to enjoy a day out when he’s not planned/made effort to enjoy a day out with DS.

I am jealous that it’s fine to make an effort go for a day out with a colleague but not family. Do both surely?! 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 29/10/2022 09:58

Do you ever plan things or have you suggested he takes DS out?

Feeling dejected he refuses to go out on evenings with me or to shows with DS but is happy to go do this

When you say refuses do you suggest evenings out and he refuses to go, or he just doesn't plan them himself?

notdaddycool · 29/10/2022 09:59

If they were tickets given in his work role I think it’s entirely appropriate he takes another employee of the company ahead of family. If he comes back positive suggest he takes your son another weekend. The issues with you going out are separate, but do use this as an example.

Original poster
Taffy8567 · 29/10/2022 10:01

I plan things for myself as he never wants to go with me.

I plan things for DS and myself and asks if he wants to go, he says no.

I feel like I’m bloody events planner but when something better comes up he’s off!

never shown any interest in going to watch football before!

OP posts:
TheGoodEnoughWife · 29/10/2022 10:06

You won't get a fair ride on here OP but he sounds like a crap Dad.
You would like him to spend time with you and your son but he doesn't want to.

That is a real shame.

Have you had a proper sit down conversation with him? He will have no relationship with his son with what he is doing or with you.

toomuchlaundry · 29/10/2022 10:08

Do you do anything together as a couple or as a family? Does DS have hobbies, activities that his dad gets involved in?

Thathauntedhouse · 29/10/2022 10:09

Yanbu op and I'm shocked at the responses you're getting.

I can completely understand, you're pissed off that he makes zero effort to make plans with you and your son but can easily make plans to go for a day out with a work colleague. The message that it sends is that he isn't interested in family life. It's hurtful and frustrating.

Original poster
Taffy8567 · 29/10/2022 10:10

don’t mind any comments as I know I’m feeling a bit jealous and disappointed.

it was one of those moments I just thought ‘what?!’

not wanting to go to things with me (don’t mind I take my friends/family)

not wanting to go to things with DS as not his thing

then all of a sudden I’m off to a big match for the day! 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
mileaminnie · 29/10/2022 10:42

He sounds shit OP but I think the football match is a red herring. Even if he took ads to that it wouldn't make up for the fact he doesn't do anything with him 98% of the time, and you're right to be upset at that.

Tsort · 29/10/2022 11:11

You say you’ve discussed this with him, but what did you actually say and what was his response? As, surely, he can’t have gone ‘you organise something and I’ll come’ to some variation of ‘why aren’t you spending any time bonding with your son?’

Dishwashersaurous · 29/10/2022 11:11

Isn't the situation that he isn't proactive. Hes given tickets for a specific event for a specific thing and then he will do it.

However, he won't actively choose to do something.

At 12 your son is old enough to plan and decide what to do with his father
Eg dad let's go cycling on Saturday morning

Brefugee · 29/10/2022 11:12

ok but you didn't answer: are you a SAHM? do you work? full-time, part-time?

Has your DS ever said to his dad "can we go somewhere" or is he like other kids and just goes with the flow?

If your family dynamic has always been like this, and i get it is sometimes a final straw, and your DH hasn't even been off for half-term and never normally organises things and nobody has ever asked him to, why would he suddenly start doing it?

So what is it now, you're both narked over this instead of you having said "do something with DS"?

Original poster
Taffy8567 · 29/10/2022 11:20

I’m a SAHM. Happy to organise everything, easy to do and I know what DS enjoys.

It come from an unwillingness to do anything suggested plays/circus/events but then happy to go to a match.

I have seen something they could do together so will see if that ‘suits’ DH 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 29/10/2022 11:24

Does your DS do anything at weekends? He is getting to the age where he will want to spend more time with friends than family

Original poster
Taffy8567 · 29/10/2022 11:26

So not do anything with his dad at all? Would once a month be a stretch to do something? Maybe I’m just pushy but it does annoy me that no consideration is given to what DS might want to do?

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 29/10/2022 11:28

If you are a shame then of course you are the events planner. You literally have hours a day to plan and organise your family activities and life.

VladmirsPoutine · 29/10/2022 11:33

JettyJoan50 · 29/10/2022 05:34

Not a big deal. I think if you really get mad about your husband going to a football game with someone from work you need to look at your own attitude because that’s controlling and toxic beahviour

I rue the day we were given unfettered access to the language of psychology.

VladmirsPoutine · 29/10/2022 11:34

I can completely understand, you're pissed off that he makes zero effort to make plans with you and your son but can easily make plans to go for a day out with a work colleague. The message that it sends is that he isn't interested in family life. It's hurtful and frustrating.

This is how I view it too. Have you spoken to him about how your feeling, not just this as a one off but as a general trend in family life?

Swipe left for the next trending thread