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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Keeping 10yDD in car seat 5 point harness

77 replies

Jc1920x · 28/10/2022 16:36

My DD has just turned 10 and we still use the booster seat with a back and a harness , although one of the bigger ones. She's small for her age and fits well into it and much better than with the belt, thus it appears to keep her more safe.

She's not happy however with being fastened in all the time and wants rid of the car seat as some of her friends travel without a car seat at all and all but one other uses a belt. Most are bigger than her and I still don't think it's the safest for them, but I'm not going to challenge other parents choices as some is affordability etc.

Am I being unreasonable in keeping her in the harness or should I relent with her peer pressure and let her have a backless booster seat? What do you all do with your DCs and when did you move through the options?

OP posts:
trevthecat · 28/10/2022 16:38

What's the weight limit for the harness? My 5 year old weighs too much for our joie seat harness

FamilyTreeBuilder · 28/10/2022 16:40

I'm not surprised that she's not happy about being strapped in like a toddler.

A booster cushion and seatbelt, or a high back booster with seatbelt (for a very small/light child) is perfectly adequate for a 10 year old.

Limescaleandlemons · 28/10/2022 16:42

My 4 year old uses just the seatbelt along with a seat appropriate for her age.

randomsabreuse · 28/10/2022 16:43

Forward facing with harness is less safe than HBB with seatbelt as the heavy head will move more relative to

Invisimamma · 28/10/2022 16:43

Safety first and all that, I'm al big supporter or rear facing and all that. But personally i think you're being over the top on this one. I can see why she would be embarrassed as really it's only babies and toddlers you see in harnesses isnt it?

My 8yr old is far too tall and heavy for a harnessed car seat and legally he is able to travel without a booster seat. Only one of his friends is still using a booster.

user1471530109 · 28/10/2022 16:45

Ditto what @randomsabreuse says. My dd is almost 10 and a teeny dot (on growth hormone) and I looked into this a couple of years ago. It's less safe being in a harness than a seatbelt at their weight.

Mine is pestering me to ditch the HBB completely. I keep meaning to measure her. Her elder sister was a good 20cm taller at the same age!

Isaidnoalready · 28/10/2022 16:45

Use a hbb and main seatbelt for my 9 year old

BeanieTeen · 28/10/2022 16:47

At age 10?? That’s just silly, sorry.

threegoodthings · 28/10/2022 16:47

Just how small is she?! At 10 DD wasn't even using her backless booster anymore. I can't imagine a 10yo strapped in like a baby

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 28/10/2022 16:47

My 10 year old is in a high backed with seatbelt. I'm surprised that your dd is still under the weight limits for the harness.

My dc was also always asking to come out of the HBB but I kept pointing out that when they tried sorting in the seat without it the seatbelt wasn't in the right place and explained why it needs to be on the pelvis not tummy etc. Didn't matter, still begged regularly.

The other day they were in a car accident, fairly nasty, car crashed into the side they were sitting. No injuries. They now completely understand why the HBB as they can relate it to the situation and see how it kept them safe.

I just think it is hard for them to understand especially when most of their mates at school are on a cushion or no booster at all. But like you I stay firm.

MolliciousIntent · 28/10/2022 16:49

Great way to guarantee she resents the crap out of you and gets the piss taken whenever one of her friends sees her.

dementedpixie · 28/10/2022 16:50

She will be past the weight limit for the harness and will be less safe than using the actual seat belt. Yabu

Original poster
Jc1920x · 28/10/2022 16:51

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 28/10/2022 16:47

My 10 year old is in a high backed with seatbelt. I'm surprised that your dd is still under the weight limits for the harness.

My dc was also always asking to come out of the HBB but I kept pointing out that when they tried sorting in the seat without it the seatbelt wasn't in the right place and explained why it needs to be on the pelvis not tummy etc. Didn't matter, still begged regularly.

The other day they were in a car accident, fairly nasty, car crashed into the side they were sitting. No injuries. They now completely understand why the HBB as they can relate it to the situation and see how it kept them safe.

I just think it is hard for them to understand especially when most of their mates at school are on a cushion or no booster at all. But like you I stay firm.

I'll check the harness limits, I think I've misinterpreted the guidance, I've tried to read exclusively the government guidance, which states 12 years old or height 138cm. But it's confusing in terms of seat belt commentary as it insinuates to not use the seat belt either until this age, I'll move away from the harness if that's the case

OP posts:
toastofthetown · 28/10/2022 16:51

I’ve seen some views to suggest, and I don’t think it’s been thoroughly tested either way, that seatbelts can be safer for neck injuries than a five point harness. A seatbelt allows the body to move with the neck which reduces the load, but with a harness the body is pinned while the head isn’t so the strain on the neck is amplified. This is why most major motor racing series mandate HANS devices: to control the head’s movement.

Whinge · 28/10/2022 16:51

dementedpixie · 28/10/2022 16:50

She will be past the weight limit for the harness and will be less safe than using the actual seat belt. Yabu

This

OP you're actually putting her at a greater risk.

Teder · 28/10/2022 16:53

YABU and unsafe. She is safer in a car seat if she’s very tiny but in a seatbelt, not a harness!

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 28/10/2022 16:53

How embarrassing for her
She will be mortified if anyone sees her

toastofthetown · 28/10/2022 16:54

Jc1920x · 28/10/2022 16:51

I'll check the harness limits, I think I've misinterpreted the guidance, I've tried to read exclusively the government guidance, which states 12 years old or height 138cm. But it's confusing in terms of seat belt commentary as it insinuates to not use the seat belt either until this age, I'll move away from the harness if that's the case

Show quote history

It sounds like you have a multi stage seat. The harness will have a weight limit, and above that limit the seat can be used as an HBB up to 12 years or 135cm (though the rest of Europe use booster seats up to 150cm or 12). Most harnesses for car seats max out at either 18 or 25kg.

dementedpixie · 28/10/2022 16:54

The harness only does up to 18kg at which point it shouldn't be used and you switch to the seat belt and high backed booster/backless booster.

Sotired22 · 28/10/2022 16:54

Yeah it’s definitely not that they should stay in a harness type seat until 12, most kids have grown out of them at about 4! If she’s small she should be in a high backed booster using the car seat belt. There are some very good ones. Look at Britax Kidfix.

Roselilly36 · 28/10/2022 16:55

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 28/10/2022 16:53

How embarrassing for her
She will be mortified if anyone sees her

This.

Original poster
Jc1920x · 28/10/2022 16:56

toastofthetown · 28/10/2022 16:54

It sounds like you have a multi stage seat. The harness will have a weight limit, and above that limit the seat can be used as an HBB up to 12 years or 135cm (though the rest of Europe use booster seats up to 150cm or 12). Most harnesses for car seats max out at either 18 or 25kg.

Show quote history

Thank you for this information, I've neglected the height and I'm mortified. The backed booster seats still sit better on her lap, as without the back or with none at all it rides up her tummy a little, should we keep this type of booster seat . Definitely ditching the harness, and I'm going to be treating her for my mistake and her calmness through it all

OP posts:
thelobsterquadrille · 28/10/2022 16:57

Christ, YABVU.

No wonder she's embarrassed - it's also incredibly unsafe as she'll be way over the weight limit at 10yo.

Original poster
Jc1920x · 28/10/2022 16:57

Sotired22 · 28/10/2022 16:54

Yeah it’s definitely not that they should stay in a harness type seat until 12, most kids have grown out of them at about 4! If she’s small she should be in a high backed booster using the car seat belt. There are some very good ones. Look at Britax Kidfix.

Thank you we'll have a look at this, she understands why we use them so should be okay still sitting in one, but I've had a nightmare here...

OP posts:
Hatscats · 28/10/2022 16:59

What’s the seat? Not many harness past 18kg so I doubt she’s fitting or even legal.

A high backed booster to 150cm is best practice, although legally 135cm.