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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was I too quick to move him school

78 replies

Rooree2609 · 28/10/2022 07:25

Our oldest ds is 6 and until recently had settled well into school life and loved school

We had two choices when it came to which school he should go to when he started and we picked the one which was joined to his nursery despite us actually feeling the other school was better ( better catchment area etc) but he can take a while to settle so we felt nursery move to school best for him

For the first year all went well for the most part and he loved it and grew in confidence

However after summer we had a incident in which he fell in the playground and came home with a large bump on his head his nose burst open knees and hands cut and with gravel ingrained to them
My DH took him straight back to his teacher and asked what happened to be told oh he fell
We know the policy in the area is any bump or injury to the face we should of been called so I was unhappy we didn't get a call and he was left in that state in school
I phoned and spoke to the head who instead of asking if DS was ok got very defensive and said no way would her staff not have followed guidelines and she would need to get the adult side of the story

Asked me if I was sure he was hurt in school or if he was exaggerating his injuries
I was shocked by her attitude and explained his injuries where quite visible for all to see
I did also suggest if this was her poor attitude I'd complain further which looking back was probably nail In the coffin

She did phone back a day later and apologised and blamed it on a new staff member but it was clear even when she apologized the attitude from herself to me wasn't pleasent

We considered moving him at this point but he was so happy we left

Weeks later he was asked to present an award at assembly which was great as he is shy so we where very happy he wanted to do this
But after this things changed he became withdrawn and started having nightmares
Didn't want to go to the school disco etc
He eventually told us 4 boys in the year above where calling him posh / posho , a little idiot and other names plus chasing him daily , pushing into him. Before we got the chance to speak to the head my ds decided to stick up for himself and punched one of the boys ( he does do martial arts so was quite vocal that it was a defense move ) at this point we went to speak to the head

She dismissed the bullying and said the boys simply liked our Ds and where following him/ chasing him to play with him and bullying wasn't a problem in her school
When I mentioned the name calling and she said calling him posho was playground banter and what did he expect

When we said this wasn't a good enough response she told us if we weren't happy with the school we should leave

The whole meeting was just shocking and I left in tears, DH was furious and wanted to move him asap
So we contacted the other school and went to see it etc and I agreed to moving him
And yes the other school is better , the catchment is better , the class sizes etc all better
But I now have a little boy who is heartbroken despite the bullying he loved his class and was popular in his year and he tells me daily he misses his friends and asks to go back to his old school

The kids at his new school seem keen to include him but he doesn't seem to want to engage much and tells us he doesn't play with anyone at break

It has only been a couple of weeks but I feel terrible
Did I react to quick by moving him ? I just didn't see how we can could keep him at his old school when the heads attitude was so poor but obviously he doesn't understand that

OP posts:
Rooree2609 · 28/10/2022 08:41

@Boomboom22 yes I would of thought they would be focused on getting to the cause of why hitting etc and even in the case of boys picking on my Ds I was happy for head to try and find out what was going on , why it was happening etc but it was just a complete breakdown in communication

And that was also my fear my son would end up labelled the problem particularly if he felt he couldn't approach the staff and he hit out again

OP posts:
olympicsrock · 28/10/2022 08:45

The have done the right thing. His first school has a very poor attitude to dealing with bullying. It will happen everywhere to some extent . What matters is how School try to prevent and deal with it.

RandomUsernameHere · 28/10/2022 08:45

I think you did the right thing. The head at the old school sounds terrible. I'm sure your DS will be fully settled in the new school in no time.

itsgettingweird · 28/10/2022 08:49

You did the right thing.

The minute anybody in education - especially senior leadership - utters the words

"We don't have bullying here or banter" it's time to up sticks.

Kids bully and their unkind. Denying reality is ridiculous.

And I work in education Grin

itsgettingweird · 28/10/2022 08:50

They're even Blush

Shanksponyorbust · 28/10/2022 08:51

You did the right thing moving him. Talk to the new school and let them know he’s not settling in yet. There are things they’ll be able to do to help with that.

SpidersAreShitheads · 28/10/2022 08:51

Rooree2609 · 28/10/2022 08:24

@SpidersAreShitheads we did have him checked that evening but soft tissue injury apparently it was good it was swollen outwards

He actually still has a tiny bump where it was though so it really was a bad fall

Yes, sorry @Rooree2609 , that comment wasn't aimed at you but the school! A bump like that is always worth getting checked out in a little one - cannot BELIEVE that they left him like that.

I honestly would have been raging. Not even joking.

My DS banged his head on the dado rail in a temper when he was younger and gave himself a huge bump (checked out by hospital) - and I think I can still feel where it was too!

Honestly and truly, he'll be fine. You absolutely did the right thing. Imagine if you hadn't moved him and he'd been hurt again but worse. You'd be kicking yourself for not switching schools so don't doubt yourself for a second.

KweenieBeanz · 28/10/2022 08:54

Something doesn't quite ring true here as I have never, ever encountered a primary teacher or head teacher who would describe infant children calling other infant children 'posho' as 'playground banter'. But then I have never encountered 6 and 7 year olds who would use the term 'posho' in mockery.... It's not a term kids that age use?

Rooree2609 · 28/10/2022 08:55

@SpidersAreShitheads I actually couldn't believe it when I seen him
I mean it was so visible and his little nose all burst and cut

I actually called my voicemail thinking surely they did call and somehow my phone's not told me but nope they didn't

That's what DH keeps saying especially as these boys had pushed him down stairs just before we removed him.

Hopefully he starts telling me he's enjoying it soon
The kids in his new class seem excited to see him each morning so he just needs to come out of his shell

OP posts:
Rooree2609 · 28/10/2022 08:59

@KweenieBeanz is ' I'm going to kick your head in' a term most 7 year olds use as I wouldn't of thought that was either

And in actual fact the area the school is in picks up two areas one which is considered ' the posh estate ' and one which is rough, I have lived in the nicer part since I was a teen and yes frequently it is described by the neighbouring area as the posh houses etc so I'm not surprised by them using the term posh or posho

But I am surprised by the head calling it playground banter

My much younger brother has admitted to speaking slang in school to avoid comments so yeah not surprising in this area

OP posts:
Rooree2609 · 28/10/2022 09:03

@KweenieBeanz also I've never heard of a school not reporting a head injury and failing to follow the most simple safeguarding procedures but that's what we where dealing with here hence moving him

OP posts:
Kindofcrunchy · 28/10/2022 09:15

Slightly OT but OP when you say "the catchment is better" what exactly do you mean? You're either in the catchment area of a school or you're not, as far as I'm aware. Do you mean the area that the school is in is better? We're currently looking for a primary school for our preschooler due to start nursery next year, so it's all confusing enough as it is

Tigofigo · 28/10/2022 09:20

Sounds like the old school was dreadful.

My friend move her child same age and it did take him a while to get used to the change but he got there in the end. Don't expect it to happen quickly and allow him his feelings.

cansu · 28/10/2022 09:24

FGS. If he was seriously injured then of course complain. Your OP sounded like he had grazed his knees and bumped his head in a minor playground accident. Honestly I give up on these threads. It is impossible to know the facts. You are obviously convinced your child's school was negligent and therefore I have no idea why you are posting about possibly having made a mistake in moving. Either you were totally right and the move was correct or you overreacted and the school would have been OK. Which is it? If you have already decided you were completely right then why on earth would you be doubting yourself? Your son will make new friends.

Rooree2609 · 28/10/2022 09:28

@Kindofcrunchy so basically our house actually fell into the catchment of both schools as the school he was at had a mixed catchment some houses from our area and the rest from a not so nice area

The new school covers the whole of our area only which is a nice area

Maybe a unusual situation

OP posts:
Rooree2609 · 28/10/2022 09:34

@cansu because in my head yes we did the right thing and the only thing to do

But the irrational part feels terrible that I removed him from a class he loved and good established friendships

OP posts:
Ludo19 · 28/10/2022 09:36

You did the right thing. Bullying is still a major issue and it's almost always covered up.
@ReformedWaywardTeen that is absolutely horrific!

itsgettingweird · 28/10/2022 09:40

KweenieBeanz · 28/10/2022 08:54

Something doesn't quite ring true here as I have never, ever encountered a primary teacher or head teacher who would describe infant children calling other infant children 'posho' as 'playground banter'. But then I have never encountered 6 and 7 year olds who would use the term 'posho' in mockery.... It's not a term kids that age use?

I've worked in education over 20 years.

Until my ds started his secondary school I'd never have believed what goes on in some schools or just how shit and gaslighting some HTs can be.

I learned. The hard way for both ds and I MH.

I'm still passionate about education and fair to HT's but I'm no longer blindingly defensive of them because some terrible ones really do exist.

BaconMassive · 28/10/2022 09:43

My view is at some point children have to learn a bit of resilience. Obviously its not a nice situation to have to handle as a parent and of course you have had the opportunity to make a choice, and you have made it.

Somewhere else a parent is possibly saying that the child that hit theirs has now left the school and that is a good thing for the wellbeing of their child.

If the child didn't want to leave the school they were at then it seems a bit harsh in their mind I imagine but over time they will forget it. It's always hard to be the new kid in an established group but time will sort that out.

Only issue is what if the low level bullying also happens at this school, your child might be less likely to talk about it to you as they don't want to be moved schools again, also where else to go in that scenario, assume you can't flip-flop back to the original school.

Wintermoonandstars · 28/10/2022 09:43

The head does sound awful but he really, really can’t be performing martial arts moves on kids Shock

BaconMassive · 28/10/2022 09:44

Less Roo Ree, more Bruce Lee

Kindofcrunchy · 28/10/2022 09:45

Rooree2609 · 28/10/2022 09:28

@Kindofcrunchy so basically our house actually fell into the catchment of both schools as the school he was at had a mixed catchment some houses from our area and the rest from a not so nice area

The new school covers the whole of our area only which is a nice area

Maybe a unusual situation

Oh that makes sense thank you! We are having a nightmare trying to find a good rated school as all the better ones are just out of catchment. Fwiw I would have moved my son out of that school too, the head sounds far too casual!

NumericalBlock · 28/10/2022 09:48

WhatNoRaisins · 28/10/2022 07:34

If the head claims that "bullying isn't a problem in their school" that alone is a massive red flag.

This all over! Any head who claims this just doesn't address bullying and sweeps it under a rug.

CurlsandSwirls · 28/10/2022 09:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn on the user's request.

cansu · 28/10/2022 09:51

Then stop feeling guilty. He will make new friends. I would however be addressing the martial arts thing. He cannot go around punching people in the playground.