To not know anybody who went to private school

[ItHasTheJuice]

As in none of my family including wider family, DH, DH’s family, none of my friends went to private school.

Sometimes feel like I must be an anomaly reading mumsnet

Tell me I’m not alone!

My partner went to a private school and my nephew is now in one.

partner doesn’t tell anyone although his accent gives it away a little. I reckon most of our friends don’t know.

my friendship group is all people I went to high school with so we all know from where one came!

True but misleading. At any given moment, 6.4% of English children may be in private schools, but that will be a blend of a tiny tiny proportion of 4-7 year olds, a small number of 7-11 year olds, and a larger number of 11-18 year olds.

So the number of children who are privately educated at some point in their school career, which is what we're talking about in this thread, will be significantly higher than 7% but I can't find a good number anywhere. Obviously still going to be a small minority.

I never met anyone privately educated until I went to university. It all depends on what circles you mix with and your family background.

In many professions like law and medicine about half of people are privately educated so it would be weird not to know anyone.

Ours go to private school. Husband was a boarder and so was I. I know quite a few friends who went to Eton, Harrow or St Paul’s that don’t like telling people they went there - the first two more than St Paul’s.

I guess it depends on your family background, social circle, career.

I know lots of people who were educated privately. Probably around half my family, my DH, his siblings. Not sure what the big deal is. They wouldn’t go around shouting it from the rooftops.
I went to a state school, and yet I got better exam results than most who were privately educated.

I think it rises to about 20% of the population at sixth form.

How old are you? Did you to to university?

If you are early twenties, didn't go to university and still have the same friendship group that you had at state school, then you haven't had much chance to broaden your acquaintance.

If you are 35 and have moved around a few home locations and employers, I'd be surprised.

I have heard that some parents choose private schools from Reception onwards because they get wraparound care all year round equivalent to what they're used to from the day nursery, i.e. drop off at 8 and pick up at 6, five days a week, holiday clubs included, and the cost is also similar to what they've been used to paying. Not nearly so easy to sort out in the state sector, especially in the school holidays.

What @MintJulia said.

I went to a grammar school but only really came across lots of privately educated people when I was at university.

In my first two terms it was quite intimidating as they were all SO confident - always the ones speaking up and they seemed so knowledgeable and had strong opinions on everything we studied.

It took me almost until my finals to realise it was all just confidence and that they weren't any brighter than anyone else.

The main thing it taught me was that confidence is everything.

The 7 percent figure is from waaaaay back.

I don't know if it still holds true...

For kids going through the school system now I'd imagine it's dropped to say 5%. Current financial crisis aside fees have been outstripping inflation for donkeys' years now so I think it's been harder and harder to afford it.

I'm a 50-50 person. Half state, half private. No kids myself.

I don't know where most people went to school unless they've either got a chip on their shoulder about it (either way) or they went to a local school and mentioned it being their old school when we were talking applications for our children.
Even among my university friends I have very little idea which they went to except for the few where they were clearly public school.

I suspect you'd be surprised to find a few people who you know did go to private school, and just don't talk about it.

It also depends on the private school. Dm taught at a private school for a while, but it was cheap (£200 a term when typical fees would have been closer to £1500 a term) and the majority of children that went had some sort of reason why they weren't coping with mainstream. Often they did 1-2 years in the school and then, having got their confidence up, went back into mainstream.
Someone having been there has a totally different experience to the person who went to the £15k+ a term boarding school. In the same way the person who went to the failing comprehensive school will have a totally different experience to the one who went to the top state grammar school.

@ShippingNews That is really interesting, I’m guessing you are not in Sydney or Melbourne. I live in Sydney and “where did you go to school” is usually raised in the first five minutes of meeting anyone new. The majority of people I know here send their children private because it is much cheaper than in the UK.

I have heard that some parents choose private schools from Reception onwards because they get wraparound care all year round equivalent to what they're used to from the day nursery, i.e. drop off at 8 and pick up at 6, five days a week, holiday clubs included, and the cost is also similar to what they've been used to paying. Not nearly so easy to sort out in the state sector, especially in the school holidays.

This was a factor as well. As a single mum earning a reasonable wage, I need to be able to travel for my job. DS being at a senior school with a small boarding house means that if I'm delayed, stuck on a motorway or need to travel overnight, ds can have his tea at the boarding house, and occasionally stay there while I work.

Without that service, I couldn't maintain my earnings. And the reduction in my stress levels is worth every penny. I know he is safe and happy.

Lots of my friends did but that's because i either met them at (my private boarding) school, or were fellow army brats who went to a different (private boarding) school, or just met them as an adult and it came out.

People often talk about school in conversations with friends and coworkers though. So we'd have a conversation based on the Bake Off this week (custard week) and one will say "i hate custard, because at school we always had lumpy custard and had to eat it all, and once i was sick so I've never eaten it again"
And it would evolve from who does and who doesn't like custard into someone like me saying "well if you thought your school food was rubbish, have pity on those of us who had rubbish school food 3 times a day 7 days a week, and a regular left-overs dish was called boiled-baby*" and then - BAM! - we're all talking about school food and it's obvious that those of us who went to boarding school were privately educated.

Or a parent will moan about school uniform, and I'd say "fuck that, it's shit." or "well, be thankful: we had kilts and had to kneel on the floor to make sure they were long enough" and other traumatising related uniform stories including gym-knickers. That usually leads to other general conversations about school.

true. a disgusting mix of things like sausages, beans, tinned tomatoes, left over veg and topped with lumpy mashed potato and shoved in the oven. It mostly went to pigswill*

**this was the 70s/80s

They walk among us! My dad went to private school and ended up as a teacher in the local comp. A doubt if the 1000s of pupils he taught over the years had any idea (or cared).

This, all day long. I lived in a council house, not a penny to spare, but with my state primary school's encouragement, I went to a private school on a bursary. I was with girls from all sorts of families, some super rich, some not who were on supported fees like me. They were, in the main, a great bunch of people, with a few oddballs thrown in, just like at state school really.

Reverse snobbery is a depressing reality.

I went to private school, mum was a single parent with 2 kids at the time. I was on a 90% scholarship which brought fees down to about £300 a term I believe. Reason I went is because local schools were terrible then, my brother stayed mainstream due to not being academically interested 😂.

I believe even then my grandparents paid the fees, and the extortionate uniform fees etc. I went in the second year of juniors and elected not to stay for my A-Levels. I don't openly talk about it at work or elsewhere because I don't see the need. I hate the assumption we had money, and whilst I had a good group of friends back then, two others on the scholarship too, the scholarship kids were not particularly liked due to the fact we were seen as poor.

I will say the amount some parents paid didn't ever come to fruition in terms of results and careers. Make of that what you will.

Me neither but I live in rural wales where there isn't really the option for private.

I have a lot of people I would consider pretty good friends but I have no idea where they went to school. So I'm not sure how you could know that you didn't know anyone unless you move in very small circles.
I agree that people sometimes talk about schools but sharing stories about custard in school dinners doesn't really help narrow down the sector. Ditto uniform (the kilts and kneeling story is one I've heard from a friend who went to a strict Catholic state school). And there are even state boarding schools.

Interestingly, private education is not always a sign of privilege - my parents prioritised education over holidays, nicer house, cars etc - most of my school peers were in the same boat - most became doctors, nurses, dentists, academics, engineers etc, and most share my values - such as a compassionate, socialist government and the advantages to all of a borderless EU, and the importance of respect for immigrants (who statistically take less per capita out of the economy than those of us born here and without who or NHS wouldn't function).
Definitely only a minority are the Eton set!

I totally agree with that, and would go as far as saying that there was less pretence between the rich people and aristocrats that were common at DS private school he first attended than in the middle class wannabes state school he joined afterwards.

No I don’t personally know anyone who went to private school!

Which school we went to hasn't been a topic of conversation for many years for me. But I used to know a woman who had been to private school. I remember being surprised because I assumed everyone who went was posh and would be a bit of a high flier

I was privately educated, only mention it if asked or if someone makes an incorrect assumption about privately educated people.