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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report a colleague for this?

104 replies

BananaSushi · 27/10/2022 19:39

Name change as don't want to be identifiable in any way.

I found out today from a client that one of my colleagues has done some porn work in the past and it's very publicly visible online (mostly photos, very explicit but nothing unpleasant if you know what I mean). I don't know how the client found it, but they did and now I'm wondering if I should let the owner of the company know in case other clients find it or in case they feel it reflects poorly on the company? It's not particularly well hidden, this colleague has a particular social media handle they use and it's in the title of the videos and photos so I assume found via search therefore anybody could in theory find and view it. It's not posted on their own sites or social profiles, it's third party sites so I assume they do not have control over how the content is distributed or whether it can be deleted although I could be wrong.

On the other hand...I've worked with this colleague for 2 years, they're great at what they do and are hard working, nobody's mentioned it before now so maybe it's never been noticed before, and I am leaving my role in the next month anyway so I feel like maybe it's unfair to bring this to the attention of the company founder? It's a small company, less than 50 employees, and I'm really not sure how this would be viewed by the company clients and whether the company would lose business over this. Plus I don't want to feel responsible if the colleague is fired as a result.

YABU = mind your own business, don't report it
YANBU = report it discreetly and let the company owner handle it

OP posts:
Iwritethissittinginthekitchensink · 27/10/2022 19:42

Do you have any requirement to report it to the company? Could you tell your colleague instead and give them a chance to sort it/tell work?

Myfairgrant · 27/10/2022 19:43

I would definitely keep well away from saying anything at all.

Hereforthedramaz · 27/10/2022 19:43

I think there is a middle option of discretely informing the colleague it has been brought to your attention and let them speak to employer or remove online (not easy to do but up to them to try if they want to).

DisappointinglyFlatulent · 27/10/2022 19:43

I have voted YABU not because you have told me how to vote but because you are being massively unreasonable in almost every way. It's none of your business.

winterchills · 27/10/2022 19:44

I would definitely tell your colleague instead of ur boss!

Londonderry34 · 27/10/2022 19:44

You have no idea why she had to do this. Leave it.

glassfully · 27/10/2022 19:45

For all you know, it could be revenge porn from an ex. I'd discreetly let her know or say nothing to anyone.

SpookyMcGhoul · 27/10/2022 19:46

Are they a consenting adult who's put these photos of themselves out to third party sites tagged with their social media handle? They must know that'll be easy to put together.

Unless you're in a business where it's totally inappropriate or a safeguarding issue etc then I don't think it's your business to be sharing with your boss. If anything you can give your colleague a heads up if you want to, but that's all I'd do.

Brefugee · 27/10/2022 19:47

I would tell colleague that client has mentioned it and leave it up to them to decide what to do next. And then keep your trap shut.

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 27/10/2022 19:48

I will talk to her and tell her that people have seen it and she needs to get it down. Is she agreed then I wouldn't think I had to do anything else.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 27/10/2022 19:48

Has the client raised it with you as a bit of idle chat and gossip because you have a friendly relationship, or has the client raised it as something that they are unimpressed by.

It makes a big difference what the context of the conversation is.

If it was the first I would let your colleague know so that she has the option to remove if she wants to.

If it was the second then you need to notify the company as it's a potential complaint/client loss/reputation issue.

Cw112 · 27/10/2022 19:49

glassfully · 27/10/2022 19:45

For all you know, it could be revenge porn from an ex. I'd discreetly let her know or say nothing to anyone.

This. Could be a fake or as pp suggested revenge porn. I think you need to let her know in a discreet and tactful way that a client brought it to your attention and you wanted to let her know but you haven't told anyone else. The only reason I'd let your boss know is if they work in a safeguarding capacity with kids or it might compromise them in some way but I think that's better coming from them directly.

Sandra1984 · 27/10/2022 19:49

You would be a total c-nt for reporting a colleague who is hard working and has done nothing to you, just some silly mistake in his past. I really don’t know what you have to gain by doing it. As per the client who “found” him was probably looking at porn himself and having some fun. Oh the double Standard is so sad.

StripeyMow · 27/10/2022 19:52

Maybe inform the individual that people have seen it. They may or may not care. It could be a deepfake made by a disgruntled ex. Who knows! I realise you may feel embarrassed but give them the opportunity to ignore or address it

Can you say what business sector are you in?

SequinsandStilettos · 27/10/2022 19:53

You tell your colleague is what you do. Clear and factual. Client X has told me they have seen images of you online. Do it verbally without people nearby. It is then up to her what she does next/how she approaches it.

satelliteheart · 27/10/2022 19:55

Why on earth would you tell your boss?! That's insanely inappropriate. The colleague hasn't done anything illegal and you're not suggesting they made the porn on company time or on company premises so what the fuck would it have to do with the company owner? I presume you either don't like the colleague or are being judgemental over them making porn. You're coming across as a massive bitch. Mind your own business

Bigslippers · 27/10/2022 19:55

It all depends if she can be linked back to the company with the porn. I’d advise her to make sure they are both kept separate and say whats happened but make light of it and dont make her feel awkward

Sandra1984 · 27/10/2022 19:57

SequinsandStilettos · 27/10/2022 19:53

You tell your colleague is what you do. Clear and factual. Client X has told me they have seen images of you online. Do it verbally without people nearby. It is then up to her what she does next/how she approaches it.

Why would she do that? What does she gain? Demonstrating some sort of higher moral hand?

FlowerArranger · 27/10/2022 19:57

This reply has been deleted

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lap90 · 27/10/2022 19:58

No.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 27/10/2022 20:00

Discreetly tell your colleague, it's then up to them if they do anything about it.

They may not know it's online, or they may not realise it's traceable by people like the client.

Or they may know and not care, but not have realised it may get them in trouble with an employer.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/10/2022 20:00

Everyone is assuming is a woman. Might not be.

Regardless, unless you work with children, vulnerable people, safeguarding role, I'd tell the colleague it is out there then beak out.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 27/10/2022 20:04

Posted too soon...

I'd make the colleague aware with no judgement and let them do whatever they wish with the info. If they decide to do nothing and the boss finds out and there are ramifications then that's their choice. But I'd hate to find out they were unaware of it and lost their job when I could have helped them avoid that.

FaceLikeASmackedArse · 27/10/2022 20:05

You don't know how the client found the images....errrm, clearly discovered them by searching through porn, then has the nerve to go telling tales to you! Ffs.

Nobody has actually done anything wrong or illegal. Just keep your beak out and carry on with your working life as usual.

dawnfromgavinandstacey · 27/10/2022 20:06

No I wouldn't say anything.

It's a bit double standardy.

I mean your not going to report the client for looking for/at porn so why should you report your colleague because he went looking.

If I found out any of my colleagues had done porn I wouldn't care so long as they were doing what they should be at work.

She might regret it and she might not. Either way I'd leave it because I can't see what good telling her would do.

If the client is bothered what were they Looking for it for in the first place.

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