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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report a colleague for this?

104 replies

BananaSushi · 27/10/2022 19:39

Name change as don't want to be identifiable in any way.

I found out today from a client that one of my colleagues has done some porn work in the past and it's very publicly visible online (mostly photos, very explicit but nothing unpleasant if you know what I mean). I don't know how the client found it, but they did and now I'm wondering if I should let the owner of the company know in case other clients find it or in case they feel it reflects poorly on the company? It's not particularly well hidden, this colleague has a particular social media handle they use and it's in the title of the videos and photos so I assume found via search therefore anybody could in theory find and view it. It's not posted on their own sites or social profiles, it's third party sites so I assume they do not have control over how the content is distributed or whether it can be deleted although I could be wrong.

On the other hand...I've worked with this colleague for 2 years, they're great at what they do and are hard working, nobody's mentioned it before now so maybe it's never been noticed before, and I am leaving my role in the next month anyway so I feel like maybe it's unfair to bring this to the attention of the company founder? It's a small company, less than 50 employees, and I'm really not sure how this would be viewed by the company clients and whether the company would lose business over this. Plus I don't want to feel responsible if the colleague is fired as a result.

YABU = mind your own business, don't report it
YANBU = report it discreetly and let the company owner handle it

OP posts:
bigfamilygrowingupfast · 27/10/2022 20:08

It depends what business you're in and who your clients are - in my line of work this would be completely unacceptable, especially if it's able to be found that easily. I'd probably discretely mention it to them

Awesomeo · 27/10/2022 20:10

I'd say nothing.

It's none of your business.

Soproudoflionesses · 27/10/2022 20:14

God l would keep very quiet op.
Not your circus and all that especially if you are leaving soon anyway.

VladmirsPoutine · 27/10/2022 20:14

I don't know why this is causing you so much umming and ahhing. The only choice you have is to mind your business. Deciding what to do here is as difficult as deciding whether or not you should take an umbrella out with you when it's raining or deciding whether or not you should eat raw chicken. I've had more difficulty deciding whether to buy almond milk or oat milk.

BeautifulWar · 27/10/2022 20:15

So, how exactly does this client know she was a porn star?

mamabear715 · 27/10/2022 20:16

Keep it zipped. Nothing to do with you.

Legselevens · 27/10/2022 20:16

Yabu, it’s none of your business. This person could have been hacked/revenge porn or had difficult issues. If they are professional and you worked for 2 years with them why would you bring it to the attention of the client if you are leaving anyway? c

roseheartfly · 27/10/2022 20:20

Please don't ruin this persons career. Tell them .. but don't give them an ultimatum just let them know that you never knew.

roseheartfly · 27/10/2022 20:20

And let them do what they feel is right.

AnyFucker · 27/10/2022 20:22

Mind your own business. Jesus 🫤

Perfectpeace · 27/10/2022 20:22

Mind your own business

Clevererthanyou · 27/10/2022 20:22

Hold up, so am I to understand that if my porn videos or images are publicly available online if searched for, I would not be suitable to work with children or vulnerable people? Due to safeguarding? Incase I accidentally give them a pole dance presumably?

ChocolateCinderToffee · 27/10/2022 20:24

I would let the colleague know, in private, that she's been outed, but why the fuck would you report it to your employer?

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 27/10/2022 20:26

I'd mention it to the colleague rather than the boss, as the colleague might be completely unaware of it having been distributed and available, and want to do something about it themselves. Actually, why would the client mention it to you at all? If they're not ashamed of having found the porn, why should your colleague be shamed?

miraveile · 27/10/2022 20:30

How the client told you and their position on it is all important here

TheSausageKingofChicago · 27/10/2022 20:30

I’d look the other way

Mammyloveswine · 27/10/2022 20:31

Clevererthanyou · 27/10/2022 20:22

Hold up, so am I to understand that if my porn videos or images are publicly available online if searched for, I would not be suitable to work with children or vulnerable people? Due to safeguarding? Incase I accidentally give them a pole dance presumably?

Erm it would be totally inappropriate for teachers or school staff to have porn of themselves all over the internet!!

Teachers have a set of standards they have to adhere to: it is set out quite clearly.

To report a colleague for this?
kittenkerfuffle · 27/10/2022 20:36

Did she use her real name as a porn actress, just curious why the client was looking for your colleague and how he found her, is her handle her porn name ?

hotdiggetydog · 27/10/2022 20:40

What are you attempting to achieving by grassing her up for this? Especially when she is completely competent in her job? Turn the other cheek and crack on with your job.

Upwiththelark76 · 27/10/2022 20:41

Do not say anything to anyone . Doesn’t not concern you . End of

MintChocCornetto · 27/10/2022 20:42

I would tell the colleague, not report it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/10/2022 20:42

Clevererthanyou · 27/10/2022 20:22

Hold up, so am I to understand that if my porn videos or images are publicly available online if searched for, I would not be suitable to work with children or vulnerable people? Due to safeguarding? Incase I accidentally give them a pole dance presumably?

You accidentally would, since they can see it with the click of a mouse.

TortolaParadise · 27/10/2022 20:51

Mind your own!

WindyHedges · 27/10/2022 20:54

I’d be far more concerned about having to deal with the client who’s obviously watching pornography and furthermore, thinks it’s OK to let you know this. That’s a man who’s pushing boundaries beyond the professional. I’d feel a wee bit unsafe in dealing with him.

jewishmum · 27/10/2022 21:00

I'd report the client for sharing with you that he was watching porn.