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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report a colleague for this?

104 replies

BananaSushi · 27/10/2022 19:39

Name change as don't want to be identifiable in any way.

I found out today from a client that one of my colleagues has done some porn work in the past and it's very publicly visible online (mostly photos, very explicit but nothing unpleasant if you know what I mean). I don't know how the client found it, but they did and now I'm wondering if I should let the owner of the company know in case other clients find it or in case they feel it reflects poorly on the company? It's not particularly well hidden, this colleague has a particular social media handle they use and it's in the title of the videos and photos so I assume found via search therefore anybody could in theory find and view it. It's not posted on their own sites or social profiles, it's third party sites so I assume they do not have control over how the content is distributed or whether it can be deleted although I could be wrong.

On the other hand...I've worked with this colleague for 2 years, they're great at what they do and are hard working, nobody's mentioned it before now so maybe it's never been noticed before, and I am leaving my role in the next month anyway so I feel like maybe it's unfair to bring this to the attention of the company founder? It's a small company, less than 50 employees, and I'm really not sure how this would be viewed by the company clients and whether the company would lose business over this. Plus I don't want to feel responsible if the colleague is fired as a result.

YABU = mind your own business, don't report it
YANBU = report it discreetly and let the company owner handle it

OP posts:
Original poster
BananaSushi · 27/10/2022 21:16

It's real, not revenge porn (professional posed photos, did not watch the videos) and the industry is high end professional services with very personal client relationships. It would definitely raise eyebrows among clients and some may elect not to work with the colleague in question.

The reason I was debating saying anything is because I know the company owner would be extremely unimpressed. I have a pretty close professional relationship with them so don't want to feel like I'm deliberately hiding something I know they'd be upset about. They would for sure see it as reflecting poorly on the company. I should have made that clear in my original post. There's also form from the company owner for asking employees to remove certain content from their personal social profiles that is nothing to do with work and not offensive in any way but that goes against their personal religious beliefs (unfair but it's happened and people have complied).

I really don't know the colleague well enough to want to have the conversation with them and don't really want to say anything to anyone else as do not want to create company gossip - if it comes from a client, that's another thing altogether. I assume the colleague is aware that the material is out there but I don't want to ask.

I'll carry on knowing nothing and saying nothing.

OP posts:
toastfiend · 27/10/2022 21:22

Discreetly inform your colleague, so long as you can do so without your judgement being as obvious as it is here.

It's not your place to tell your boss unless you work with children/vulnerable people/in some sort of sensitive role where this could be used to blackmail her (which I assume you don't because presumably there would be protocol in place in these instances). It's strange that your first thought would be to go to your manager, rather than allow your colleague to make a judgement as an adult and a competent employee of the company. It's not illegal to have done porn. I'd be more interested in why the client was looking your colleague up to have "stumbled" across these tbh.

AssignedSlytherinAtBirth · 27/10/2022 21:29

I don't think you should talk to your colleague as it's going to be hard not to come across as judgemental, or you revelling in this salacious gossip. As for the boss - well, your colleague is doing a good job and that's where it should end. If I was going to talk to anyone about behaviour, it would be the client

Honeysuckle16 · 27/10/2022 21:30

I’d stay well away from this. What staff do in their own time is up to them, as long as it’s not illegal or compromising the standards of any professional organisation they are members of. Your colleague may well have a claim for constructive dismissal if pressure is put on her.

If your bosses want to keep a certain image because of their religion, they’d be well advised to tread carefully. Companies used to feel they could control their staff and, for example, an affair or a pregnancy outside marriage could lead to dismissal. Staff have rights now, thank goodness.

DWMoosmum · 27/10/2022 21:31

Their body, their choice. None of your business tbh.

PurplePansy05 · 27/10/2022 21:31

glassfully · 27/10/2022 19:45

For all you know, it could be revenge porn from an ex. I'd discreetly let her know or say nothing to anyone.

Totally agree with this. Did it not cross your mind that someone used her private photos and handlebar on purpose? There was a recent Netflix documentary about revenge porn sites and this exact method was used. First thing that came to my mind. You need to discreetly speak to her and show your support if needed.

KarmaStar · 27/10/2022 21:32

NC fail.
why on earth would you consider going to your boss?
that's a very unkind thing to do.

Brigante9 · 27/10/2022 21:34

Massively overstepping to tell a boss. Pretend you know nothing.

been and done it. · 27/10/2022 21:35

To be fair if other clients see this and are bothered it begs the question why are they searching porn sites. Two way street really. Leave well alone especially now you're leaving.

StripeyMow · 27/10/2022 21:35

BananaSushi · 27/10/2022 21:16

It's real, not revenge porn (professional posed photos, did not watch the videos) and the industry is high end professional services with very personal client relationships. It would definitely raise eyebrows among clients and some may elect not to work with the colleague in question.

The reason I was debating saying anything is because I know the company owner would be extremely unimpressed. I have a pretty close professional relationship with them so don't want to feel like I'm deliberately hiding something I know they'd be upset about. They would for sure see it as reflecting poorly on the company. I should have made that clear in my original post. There's also form from the company owner for asking employees to remove certain content from their personal social profiles that is nothing to do with work and not offensive in any way but that goes against their personal religious beliefs (unfair but it's happened and people have complied).

I really don't know the colleague well enough to want to have the conversation with them and don't really want to say anything to anyone else as do not want to create company gossip - if it comes from a client, that's another thing altogether. I assume the colleague is aware that the material is out there but I don't want to ask.

I'll carry on knowing nothing and saying nothing.

It’s so creepy that this client 1) is searching for your colleague online 2) is showing your pornographic images in a work environment.
You have to question their motives.

I would still let your colleague know. Say no judgement, but this happened and ask if they know they are easily accessible? As I say they may not mind, or they may be horrified, but it will give them some agency and you can then rest knowing you’ve tried to intervene on some level but very much left the decision to them.

whoisthatpersoninthemirror · 27/10/2022 21:35

So bizarre these responses. If you work in a professional role you can't have porn featuring yourself all over the internet. It's just the way it is. You need to tell the colleague and explain the boss will want it removed.

PunchDrunkTurtle · 27/10/2022 21:44

Is the person very young? Why would s/he use a social media handle that would make the porn easily found?I'd let the person know it had been mentioned and give them time to sort it out themselves. Why say anything to your boss if you're leaving? I had to have a polite word with a young woman about her open social media. She was working in a sensitive job and I looked her up before working with her. Had to tell her about three times that she really really really needed to lock it down as it made her look a mess! She was just really young and did not get how bad it looked.

Cw112 · 27/10/2022 21:45

Clevererthanyou · 27/10/2022 20:22

Hold up, so am I to understand that if my porn videos or images are publicly available online if searched for, I would not be suitable to work with children or vulnerable people? Due to safeguarding? Incase I accidentally give them a pole dance presumably?

Not necessarily but it could make things awkward and if you're working with someone vulnerable they may blur professional boundaries and you'd need support from your management team to deal with that to back you up. Also this is second hand info, what if the client has mistaken this person for someone else.

Revolvingwhore · 27/10/2022 21:46

When did people get so very involved in other people's business? Don't be such a nosey, shit stirring twat.

ItchySnoof · 27/10/2022 21:47

OP, the fact that you cannot see the massive fucking irony that the client spaffed one out to your colleague, then saw fit to complain they "accidentally discovered" the porn they were in (OBVIOUS bullshit. You don't just discover that randomly) speaks volumes.

You would be a massive arsehole for bringing it up to save your precious rep and getting someone fired, affecting their livelihood at a really shit time. If it comes out your boss doesn't need to know you know.

Angelofthenortheast · 27/10/2022 21:53

Wtf seriously no! Once a video or photo gets out there it's out there forever. I know someone who did one stint of glamour modelling when she was a student and someone found her image on phone cases on a market stall in China about 10 years later!

She probably won't have any control of it being publicly visible online now

Artygirlghost · 27/10/2022 22:27

None of your business whatsoever.

You are not here to pass moral judgement on what your colleague did in the past.

''I don't know how the client found it''. Yes you do. He watches porn, that's how.

So it is highly hypocritical of him, and of you, to try to get the person who features in the material in trouble.

Ellie1015 · 27/10/2022 22:30

I can't think of any business where I would care if an employee had previously been involved in porn.

Even if your boss is judgemental and wouldn't like it I would not feel obliged to tell them.

blankee · 27/10/2022 22:43

What is your company's social media/internet policy? I know for a fact that under my company's policy having recognisable and identifiable porn accessible on the net would be absolutely forbidden and a very serious matter. Check your safeguarding policy too.

I’m astonished so many people are saying stay out of it. A client has found recognisable porn images of a colleague of yours, so it needs to be dealt with immediately.

MamaOfOneMasterOfNone · 27/10/2022 22:56

Stop being a bitch

P0rtaltothefuture · 27/10/2022 23:13

I read recently that a person had their face digitally added onto some porn, without their knowledge. There is a name for this possibility deep faking ?

It can occur via gangs, criminals etc

So your colleague may be totally unaware & be totally innocent

Mojoj · 27/10/2022 23:17

Here's an idea - mind your own bloody business.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 27/10/2022 23:19

A well filmed pornographic film doesn’t mean your colleague wasn’t trafficked or coerced into making the film. It’s way more common than people think. Leave them alone.

SandyY2K · 27/10/2022 23:25

There's also form from the company owner for asking employees to remove certain content from their personal social profiles that is nothing to do with work and not offensive in any way but that goes against their personal religious beliefs (unfair but it's happened and people have complied).

Your boss is really overstepping by asking people to remove non offensive material, because of her religious beliefs. It's just none of her business.

I'd just block her if she did that to me.

PurplePansy05 · 27/10/2022 23:59

Well the form you mentioned is ridiculous and unlawful.

I am still astonished, not so much with the fact your client watches porn, but it seems quite obvious that he searched for your colleague on social media, came across her handle, looked it up and kept looking once he found porn content AND then he told you in a professional environment and shown you, I mean this is creepy stalking and inappropriate on so many levels that I don't quite know what to say apart from I wouldn't miss him if he had gone.

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